Just got the school Christmas schedule through- how the fuck can I afford all this

[Bloodyschoolchargingforshit]

2 dc in primary school.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.

Apparently the school has won an award for bringing the cost of the school day down, they only got it because all this is 'voluntary' but they do it in such a way I'll feel like a cunt if my kids miss out, they sign the kids up for stuff and expect them to be there for such a short period I can't get home and back, so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in. Plus I'm a single parent so the only one who can go to this stuff.

That's near £50 in the next 2 weeks, I could honestly cry.

(Not a begging post or anything, just a bloody rant).

Ours is similar - except I’m meant to donate a bottle of wine for non-uniform day…

Oh, and they’ve JUST decided everyone is finishing at 1.30pm, not 3.30pm!!! So now I have to lose a days work (self employed, so no work = no pay!)

I know school isn’t childcare, but all other options are now fully booked and family are 4 hrs away, so I’m screwed.

I think this is your issue though, not the school's. They shouldn't charge for nativity at all, but also they are probably not expecting you to go twice. I only go to one performance. My DH doesn't go at all (work). The kids are fine with that.

I also often tell them they I am not buying their overpriced craft. Honestly, kids can handle it!

I feel your pain, also single mum just had an email today panto trip (in school time) is £17.50 🙈

Tell all the families taking 4 tickets they are selfish rather than attempting to make me feel guilty for being there for my dc.

As a teacher married to a teacher, there was no way either of us would have been allowed time off to attend such events and I bet most of the teachers in your kids' schools are in the same boat. Expecting parents to attend and pay for all these events is really unacceptable .

This makes me so cross. Whenever I ever have to ask for the parents of my kids to do anything like find a costume for the play I always post on Dojo saying please do not feel like you have to provide anything in particular - use what you have, coordinate with parents of kids in the other classes playing the same role and share, or ask me to sort it!! I would rather find something at home or literally just provide it myself somehow.

I feel like it’s so cheeky to ask parents to pay for so much stuff and I work in a typically affluent area. Our Christmas and summer plays are free, we dropped a dress up day because we felt asking parents to find costumes for that too was too much, we ALWAYS state on letters that contributions, including for trips, are voluntary. And honestly most of the parents make more than I do! But there’s always those that struggle for whatever reason and imo we should be pitching what we do at them and not the others.

I agree some of it is my own doing, trying to make up the shortfall of not having a family around us, and feel like I'm failing at every turn.

I just don't get the discomfort people feel when school doesn't completely cater to their situation. Have the confidence to take it or leave it as suits you. If you own it, your kids will be absolutely fine.

I remember one year in primary, DS needed a Xmas jumper, plus money for the privilege of wearing it. I kept him off I was so skint. A lot of events were organised by the PTA mums, all lovely but very well off and just didn’t get that not everyone had a spare £20. I hear and acknowledge your rant. You also sound like a lovely mum doing her absolute best to make her kids feel loved.

Your school needs to be told that they are putting a strain on you.
Our school doesn't charge for the play, entry to the fayre, or for any crafts or activities. The only thing we need to pay for is a donation on Christmas jumper day if we want to, suggested at £1.

do your kids have vital roles in the nativity? i told my kids school that any after hours nativity was off the cards as i couldn't get childcare for the other kid.

You're not making your life easier, and your kids don't need you to 'make up' for the family they don't have. stop feeling guilty.

This is wild.

• Xmas jumper day - in my son's school the donation is optional.
• nativity - absolutely shocking you have to see your child in a nativity. I've never had to do this.
• class enterprise - not sure what this is? They've already made things and you have to now pay £9 for it?
• Xmas fayre - my son's school had a Christmas fun day - free to go in but you just pay for stuff when you're there (aka lucky dip!)
• choir - does your child have to pay to take part? And then £1.50 to have a hot chocolate? Again, paying to take part in a choir concert is weird. Also, send a thermos!

OP your school sound like absolute cheeky fuckers!

Why are you going to both performances of each one though?
I don’t know anyone who does that. Our school does two performances and people will only go to one. Half the kids there don’t have anyone watching for one of the performances but their adults will have been at the other performance. Do you kids have SEN? It’s the only reason I can think why you can just explain to them. What do you think is going to happen if you only go to one of each?

You’re martyring yourself for no reason. You don’t need to do that and your kids won’t care.

The other stuff is voluntary. Just don’t do all of it. Don’t buy the enterprise stuff. I never did.

Edit to say; my kid’s school also signed up to that “cost of the school day” thing but part of it is that they need to make entrance fees for kids (like the school disco/choir etc) voluntary and they have to make dress down day voluntary. They can still charge for adult entrance to see the school shows and still sell enterprise stuff but they can’t charge the kids for anything the kids are doing during school time.

Email the school with your concerns, email the local authority/governors with your concerns.

You can decide to not feel this misplaced and grown out of proportion guilt. You are not responsible for their father’s absence (assuming you didn’t kill him) and going to their nativity play twice seems crazy. Your kids aren’t tiny reception class ones either.

I always found it crazy that schools charge parents to send their kids in their own clothes that they've paid for. When I was at school I always felt bad for the kids that had to come in their uniform because their parents couldn't afford it

Education might be free, but this stuff is really problematic for a lot of people, and kids miss out or stand out because of it. It's not ok for school to not consider the impact of this on families. Please direct them to look at The Cost of the School Day report and resources - there are better, less stigmatising ways to handle this. Cost of the School Day | CPAG

All 3 of my dc are SEN, yes. I think I would probably try and be there for everything even if they weren't though, so it's probably not relevant.

I didn't murder their father, no, I did drive him away by unreasonably asking him to stop sticking his penis in random women because I had a traumatic birth with the youngest and, bless his soul, he just needed intimacy that I couldn't provide, so same thing I guess 🤣

Don't pay for anything that's a suggested donation.

I feel.your pain though. Paying for a lot of these things is unfair and if your children are on free school dinners (I don't know if they are) I would hope pupil premium could be used to pay for them. Is pp still a thing?

The idea of having two performances is probably to give everyone a chance to attend - those who can't skip work can go to the evening one, whereas others might find it easier to go during the day while other children are in school or nursery. It also means they don't have to fit everyone in at once. You don't have to be at both. Our primary used to do two performances and allocate each class to one of the performances, so it was clearer that you were only expected to go to one, but then people felt awkward about saying they couldn't make Monday and could they go on Tuesday - now it's just two performances, and too many parents feel obliged to turn up for both.

I think you need to put what you've been saying into a letter to the school, in the hope that they might review things for next year. I think that applies most especially to your comment that you could afford what you needed for Christmas, just not all the extra costs at school.

(I think I might also have a prior engagement clashing with the Christmas fayre - but then I didn't enjoy ours even when it was free!)

This message seems very good. I wonder if Save the Children send copies of this out to headteachers.
A few years ago, a school locally to me sent all the children home with a tube of smarties and they wanted the tube back after the holidays filled with pound coins!

I think it’s really sad you have to pay for Christmas jumper day, why can’t it just be donations welcome? you’ve already bought the jumpers which is a lot for some people. Makes me sad to think a child will be singled out in their uniform because their parent can’t afford it

It may also be useful to look at your incomings and outgoings.

Do you work?

It’s totally ridiculous, I couldn’t afford that when mine were little and I know my son and DIL are pushed to manage. In fact I sent £30 last week to help them out with it all, and that’s on top of buying jumpers and sorting costumes for plays etc. I don’t want a round of applause or anything, I can afford it and more than happy to, but what about all those parents who don’t have help. I know my son hates taking money off me but needs must.

he said some parents in the school were talking about keeping the children home sick on those days, if enough parents did it the school would have to notice.

trouble is, costs have increased and funding for schools just aren’t enough most schools are struggling to just meet basic needs.

Our nativity is £4 per ticket. It really annoys me. There will be people who can’t afford to go but won’t want to say so. Maybe a donation or something, but the obligation to pay gets my back up. We also have an enterprise fair where you buy your children’s work. I get why they do it but it does put pressure on families with limited resources. We’re fine this year, but there have been years in the past when it would have been a real strain on our finances.

Go to 1 nativity for each DC not both. Don't buy draw tickets. Don't go into the Xmas fayre. Drop them off to do their jobs then go for a short walk until it's time to collect them. It sounds a lot just before Xmas. Some schools ask for a contribution from each family for things like Xmas jumper day because they are mindful some families have 2 or 3 DC and it becomes expensive with everything else.