Just got the school Christmas schedule through- how the fuck can I afford all this

[Bloodyschoolchargingforshit]

2 dc in primary school.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.

Apparently the school has won an award for bringing the cost of the school day down, they only got it because all this is 'voluntary' but they do it in such a way I'll feel like a cunt if my kids miss out, they sign the kids up for stuff and expect them to be there for such a short period I can't get home and back, so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in. Plus I'm a single parent so the only one who can go to this stuff.

That's near £50 in the next 2 weeks, I could honestly cry.

(Not a begging post or anything, just a bloody rant).

I've forgotten to send in money for dress down days and I've never been emailed about it. I don't think they should be doing that. I'd just ignore the emails.

I also think going once to the nativity is fine and completely normal. The kids will enjoy it anyway and just be really excited for the performance you attend. At pur school there isn't normally enough tickets for everyone to see every show.

What on earth is the £9 for the enterprise thing? Can this not be swerved?

💯

I get that some people enjoy all of these events, the Christmas fairs etc and that this does raise valuable funds for the school but my kids hate them and I don't have time to help.

There's so many people, myself included who are frazzled from the mental load of working, and the everyday battles of getting the correct kids to the correct places with the correct equipment/clothing at the correct time. And paying for it all. Christmas just adds a massive extra layer of stress. One of my kid's schools has a schedule of what day you have to send what donations in for the fair, and have a "lucky bag" scheme where you spend £5-10 on treats for kids and put it into a gift bag which they then sell for £1. I have neither time or inclination for this.
If only they would give an "opt out of additional nonsense" payment in parent pay and I'd happily pay it. Even a donation every term. That way they'd receive 💯 of my donation and not have to beg for volunteers to facilitate the eroding of the value of my hard earned donations.

You don't need to attend all the shows surely the point of multiple showings is to enable more parents to go - please dont take up tickets for a 4 performances as you might be stopping someone else who can only go to one! You aren't supposed to go and see it twice/four times!

That's so shit. Everything in DCs school is voluntary contributions and plays, concerts, are all during the school day and free. Charity contributions are done via bank transfer and again, are voluntary, so no pressure on kids at all.

The enterprise is stuff they make in class, they spend about a month making things like calanders, decorations etc and then sell them to the parents.

Its a massive part of their school time, and they get all hyped up about selling them to parents, there's no way I can tell them I'm not buying it, they would be pretty upset.

Last year the stuff was £8, I only had a tenner so ordered 2 of something for the extra £2, and they sent home my dds decoration, and another little girls decoration that her parents hadn't bought.

This is my first year with a kid in school, but ours is ridiculous too! A flyer with LOADS of random piddly bits and pieces on different days, which seems to have confused almost everyone! They also said kids can wear Christmas jumper on the Christmas fair day BUT only if they have donated a very specific item for each year group to the raffle. We had to write out a list and cross check it against other letters just so we have a hope of remembering everything. And yes, ours charges for nativity too

My kids are now in their 30s yet I still remember the sheer horror of the weeks leading up to Christmas when they were at primary school.

It wasn't the money in my case, it was the sheer volume of things we were supposed to attend/organise. I hated it. It took all the joy out of what should be a lovely time of year.

Each family is allowed 2 tickets per show for the nativity, so I would be allowed 8 in total, I only have 1 per show.

I'm not stopping anyone going to anything, they have plenty of room, and I'm taking up less tickets than if me and their dad were going and then the grandparents at night or whatever.

I don't feel guilty for taking up 1 seat at each show.

Just as I was sitting reading this, I was thinking about getting a sheet of A4 and some coloured highlighters to work out who is doing what, and what they're to wear for it this month.

I have read all your posts. This is really tricky OP. I don't think they're behaving well at all in the financial climate. If I was in your shoes I wouldn't know what to do but it isn't right that this takes up much needed mental capacity for people without unlimited financial resources and must be a nightmare for people in financial hardship.

Next year won't be quite so bad for me, they will be in the same groups, this year I have 1 in P3 and one in P5 so that's why there's 2 sets of nativity.

It's still going to be an issue in general though

I'll suck it up this year since it's all just been organised, but I may email in January and suggest that they maybe space paying for things throughout the year to raise funds and then put some things on for free at Xmas.

Even with two parents we only often send one who isn’t working (me most of the time or dh if he takes time off) and only to one show

no more fecky little letters and requests. 👏

Hear hear!

hate to be bearer of bad news but you are getting away cheaply if you think it will get any cheaper as dc get older.

agree on the mental load though. it's too much.

It's not a contribution if the school office are emailing you chasing.

I would actually reply saying they are taking the piss. And contact the governors and whoever gave them that bloody award.

This isn't ok.

It's high pressure sales tactics. Which technically may fall foul of reading standards or charity commission rules.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

what the heck?? ☹️

My older dd is in secondary, and her school have a £1 dress as you please day, a concert you put a donation in a bucket for, and a farmers market with free entry.

Can't wait for them all to be in secondary school.

We're lucky at our school because they ask for contributions to the tombola instead of cash on Christmas jumper day. And stationery for dress down days.

I just put things by throughout the year so I've got stuff to hand.

The Christmas fair is free to attend too.

I think that's a better idea.

In all honestly some of this is your own doing. You really don’t need to attend all nativity plays, very few children will have someone at every play. My DC is in 3 performances of hers, I do have a DH but we have picked one performance that we will both be going to, no one will be there for her other two. That’s fine as long as we go to one of them. You also don’t need to attend eve try event if you can’t afford it, these are optional.

Have a friendly chat with school and say you are struggling. My children's school always made those contributions voluntary and no child would miss out on nativity or even school trips etc...

But your actually taking up spaces that means other people might not get to see the performance at all?
Usually tickets for these things are limited, its actually a bit selfish to go twice when that might prevent someone else being able to go at all

We’ve two parents and several grandparents and we can’t go to all the things the dc do, so don’t feel guilty. This week we are going to 3 out of 7 performances. It’s an unusual week of performances but even the most guilt-filled parent couldn’t manage them all imho 😁

I pay everything through parent pay at my dcs current school and it’s so much easier than one needing chocolate and one needing wine and both needing a selection box and about £500 to go to the Xmas fair and buy a calendar they’ve made (which should be free and not £5) which we used to have. Some primary schools are bonkers and do not think through the total cost of what they’re asking for, they seem to just think it’s a £1 here and there rather than looking at the total.

Our school doesn't do this and really think the school is taking the mickey!
Might be worth looking at https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/charging-for-school-activities/
It's not perfect but could be helpful. Especially about justifying the cost and children not missing out if parents can't pay for things.
If you genuinely can't afford all the bits possibly offer a flat rate to cover everything.

It is a ridiculous time of year. I have 2 children in different schools and it's not just the expense but the trying to remember everything. Christmas fayres, raffles, nativity, kids present buying, movie nights, Christmas jumper day, Christmas party day and so it goes on........

Aye but we also save thousands and thousands of pounds with the free 45 hours a week of preschool for working parents that's available from about 6 months of age, so that gives us about half a decade to save for the books etc. I paid €0 in childcare in the 4 years we lived in Ireland and now I pay about £2500 a month for 2 kids in England. I must have saved about €100,000. Swings and roundabouts...