Just got the school Christmas schedule through- how the fuck can I afford all this

[Bloodyschoolchargingforshit]

2 dc in primary school.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.

Apparently the school has won an award for bringing the cost of the school day down, they only got it because all this is 'voluntary' but they do it in such a way I'll feel like a cunt if my kids miss out, they sign the kids up for stuff and expect them to be there for such a short period I can't get home and back, so I would just have to wait outside the school if I don't buy a ticket to get in. Plus I'm a single parent so the only one who can go to this stuff.

That's near £50 in the next 2 weeks, I could honestly cry.

(Not a begging post or anything, just a bloody rant).

On long term sick after cancer and a stroke a couple of years back, I'm doing an online degree and some other courses in the hopes of being able to work from home towards the end of next year/start of 2026 assuming I get the all clear from some health stuff I have going on.

I budget really well, we have everything we need, and a small amount for extras, just £50 a couple of weeks before xmas is a bit of a stretch financially.

It seems grabby. Some of the things were free when mine were at primary. Is it the PTA demanding this or the school?

Oh and sending round a delivery from the food bank as a response to you not wanting to pay all that is ridiculous

But why would you pay to go to see the same play multiple times?

So my kids have someone in the audience for them.

But most kids won’t. People go to one of the performances; not both.
Why did you post if you don’t want to listen to those of us who have been through it all and are trying to help?

I have just retired as a primary school governor. There was no question of these sort of payments being levied and we would have been down on it like a ton of bricks if they had been. How do parents on benefits manage?

ALL Christmas events were free to everyone, not just family, but also the rest of the village community who were welcomed in too. There were raffles etc. which people could participate in as they wished (or not). No Uniform Days or Xmas Jumper Days carried a voluntary contribution to a charity but there was no question of this being chased up in any way. Whyever would they be paying to be in the choir or for a parent to go and hear them! - that is beyond belief! I was closely involved in the school music - and indeed this week we have a community event at which my community choir and the school choir will be singing together - all at nil cost to the parents nor to the audience who come along free - I put a basket out for donations, but not compulsory at all.

The school holds fundraising events so that chidlren wishing to go on school trips, but unable to afford these are subsidised in confidence.

There is something seriously wrong with the values of the school you children attend.

Can you write a letter to the governors expressing your concern about the situation? - both on behalf of yourself or others worse off. There should be a charging policy on the school website based on the following premise:

"The law states that all schools should have a clearly stated charging policy,
and that the responsibility for the drawing up of this policy lies with the
governing body."

Jesus, I'd baulk at all this and I'm in the fortunate position that £50 would not be an issue. This is completely unreasonable. What happens with Hindu and Muslim kids? That's an awful lot of crap to be excluded from.

£2 contribution each for Xmas jumper day.
Difficult to get away with this one short of sending the in uniform. Do you even have Christmas jumpers? Sew some tinsel loosely on the front and be done it it.
£4

£2.50 for each nativity ticket (4 plays total)
To be fair to the school - no one expects parents to go twice, this is entirely on you and who the feck has time to go to 4 nativity plays?
£5

Class enterprise, the kids have all made the stuff which is going to cost £9 per child.
How does this work? You have to find £18 so they can contribute to the materials for the handcrafted items tat which is then resold at the Christmas Fayre? Have they really spend £540 across two classes of 30 on handicraft stuff?
Did they ask for your consent first? If not, then £0

Christmas fayre where they give the kids a job, but I have to pay to get in, another fiver.
Be not available that weekend. Plenty of parents won't be and won't give a sht either. Or volunteer your time but make it clear that you can't pay to go in and* give your kids spending money. I'd just avoid the whole thing entirely and take the kids to the park.
£0

Both kids in the choir, another £2.50 each (plus another £1.50 per child for a hot chocolate).
Not available for that either. I'm somewhat baffled about charging you so your kids can sing in the choir? I mean what. the. actual. fuck.

£3 [so they don't miss out. The school is still profiteering]

That's before the damned raffles and 50p for a colouring competition here and £1 to decorate a bauble for the school tree there.
Pick one.
£2

I think £14 is the most you should be springing for.

I think you’re overthinking the need to attend all the nativities so your kids have someone there. By all means attend one, but not both. Most families I know (mine included) have two parents working and so can’t get to all this school stuff around Christmas due to work commitments. We just do our best to go to what we can go to and don’t feel too guilty about the rest of it.

This. Parents with more than one child will split the "opportunity" between them and take some snaps for the missing parent. Or nab a grandparent to cover. It's on twice so that they can make space for everyone to attend, not to make it compulsory someone goes to everything that the child can recognise.

Geez, that is a lot OP. As money is tight, I wouldn't pay for the jumper day, raffle tickets, hot chocoloate or enterprise creations. (I understand the kids would be disappointed at the latter, but I would say they can make something similar at home.)

DS's school doesn't have so much forced payment at Christmas - they charge tickets to the class "concert" (which I think is a crock, but parents feel forced to pay as they don't want their child to be the only one with family not watching); and they force children to design a Christmas card in school time, refuse to let them ever take the drawing home (claiming it's not their property, it's the property of the external printing company they use!) and send them home with a leaflet (followed by texts and emails) encouraging parents to buy their child's design from the printing company so that the P&C can get 20% of the cost back. The Christmas market is free entry for all and you aren't harassed to buy something while you are there.

They do, however, try to bully parents into "donating" money for school-based activities - which are part of the curriculum - regularly throughout the year. I find this bad enough, but if you don't "donate", they read your poor child's name out in class, deliberately embarassing them in front of everyone and telling them they can't be in class that day unless their parents "donate". It's a pretty shit state of affairs.

I burned through £50 at the last Christmas fayre buying stuff they’ve made. Buying home baking I made. Buying a raffle ticket to win back bottle I donated. Raffle tickets to win the hamper with my donation. It is very expensive, this year I’ve cut right back on donations. I will help out at the stall for an hour and buy the kids stuff up to £5 each and buy a round of cakes / hot chocolate another £4 per person but that’s my limit.

That's how it should be done. Charity should be voluntary otherwise it's not charity it's just wealth distribution via coercion.

Seriously NO-ONE goes to both performances of the nativity. Stop being a martyr.

btw, if you're a single parent and the kids are entitled to free school meals, you can actually tell the school to whistle for all those contributions as they shouldn't be asking you for them.

i haven't paid a penny for a single play, trip or revision guide at my DD's secondary school, they cover all of it.

It really is very patronising..I would have been furious!

That does sound very unreasonable of the school. Our "enterprise week" for primary is around now, but the kids come home with an order form so only parents who specifically order the things have to pay for them, and they obviously know how much it is in advance. Nativity is free but limited to 2 tickets per family. We have a non uniform day in December which is "paid" for buying bringing in donations for the Christmas fair, either bottles or sweets for the tombola. I sent mine with a £1 bottle of wintery shower gel. For Christmas jumper day, both primary and secondary, they say send in donations for the food bank rather than money.
We are in a deprived area and these sorts of measures usually mean the children don't get left out of fun events if their family can't spare the money.

I sympathise OP. £3 for tickets to the school play at DDs primary, which I always fork out for because ex is a workshy twat. £1 for school jumper day, and for the school entrepreneurship day I get the privilege of paying for some of the crafts that DD has made in class throughout the term. Half of it is a bag of bollocks but if I don't pay I'll feel bad.

Nobody goes to all performances - and not because another parent/family member else will watch the other one. Actually if DH did join me he would come to the same representation, not the other one. This is 100% on you!

Same with the hot chocs etc, I never buy these and my DC are fine.

Re Christmas jumper, if you are contacted by the school office about your lack of contribution just answer that you understand it is voluntary and you don’t wish to. Should be the end of it.

This is too expensive. We never had to pay to watch the nativity, or to go to the concert which was in a church. They just had a collection bucket at the end. The Christmas jumper donation is voluntary. I do remember buying my child's crafts at a special sale (not at Christmas) but it was significantly cheaper, think 50p to £1. I would be inclined to email the school and complain on behalf of not just yourself, but anyone who doesn't have lots of spare money.

I’d go to both OP because like you I want them to have somebody in the audience.
but I’d explain to school you can’t afford the other stuff.
i try to budget ahead for December primary school stuff, it’s easily £100 by the time you’ve finished with Xmas fair and raffles and so on.
however, I do think schools have to raise money somehow when costs go up and the government doesn’t provide anywhere near enough money

This is one thing I don't miss about primary school at all. I remember one Christmas period in particular when both mine were in primary that the money/raffle prize/trip requests were unbelievable. A group of parents spoke to the head in the end after one women wept in the playground as she just couldn't afford it all and she was so embarrassed and felt so guilty. There was a panto trip for £30 quid each, bring in a raffle prize, sell raffle tickets, Christmas jumper day, charity day bring in a pound, nativity, nativity outfits, cake sale, bake said cakes to sell, buy kids Christmas cards they made...it was endless. It did seem to calm down in the years after.

I was going to suggest your recommend the school complete Poverty Proofing training then I read your last paragraph about them winning an award for reducing the cost of the school day! That's outrageous.

The whole point of these initiatives is to eliminate any kind of cost barriers / guilt / shame around these activities. So no one knows who's paid and who hasn't and no one feels any kind of pressure. And they've evidently failed at that and haven't been very honest to get that award.

Hopefully other posters can give more practical advice on how to deal with the immediate upcoming costs but I would call them out on the fact that parents still feel pressured to pay for these things. You'll be a hero to lots of parents who feel the same!

Wow times have changed, I thought nursery was bad enough with this stuff

Honestly - as everyone has said - you only need to attend one performance. Most kids will only have someone at one performance - that's how it works. You will not be letting them down. As to the other things - why do you have to pay for the choir? Who is the payment for. Definitely skip the hot chocolate and the raffle. If voluntary, don't pay for the school jumper. That will leave you with £5 for one nativity show for both kids, £18 for the enterprise thing (if kids feel strongly about it) and £5 entry to fair (if you feel you should). So £28 instead of £50.