Things I haven’t said out loud this week. Christmas edition

[YorkieTheRabbit]

We know you’re dropping hints and not very subtle ones either. No we haven’t seen you for sometime, I’m sure you do enjoy coming for a meal.
No we aren’t planning on inviting you over Christmas, if we can do a quick present swap, fine but no more.
I’m sick of catering for your family, coming to us for a meal doesn’t mean you don’t need to eat all day before you get here.
You all turn up, absolutely starving, the last time you came it was beyond ridiculous

You could always TRY INVITING US for once, even for a takeaway.

No it’s not fine that SIL doesn’t bring any contribution to Christmas because you have (PIL), she doesn’t live with you and she’s mid thirties, she could manage a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates

If I order and wrap your presents for you, then for the first time in four years bloody pay me back for them. I work full time and I've got four children. I don't have time to do your shopping for you. You are retired and perfectly capable of buying your own presents. And if you do actually pay me back remember to add the delivery fees whilst we are at it.

No, I’m not looking forward to it, actually. None us like it, and we’d rather just hole up for a fortnight eating sandwiches and watching trash telly than participate in some weird performance appreciation thing.

Yes we are busy every weekend in December because I have purposely arranged things so that I don’t have to see your bloody parents who you know I can’t stand! Oh and yes, I have booked the spa day on the 27th to ensure I am not free to “pop over” to see them as I fully intend to have 24-27th in-law free because the last few years have been torture keeping my mouth shut whilst your alcoholic mother talks shit. So feel free to take the kids on the 24th or 27th but I will NOT be seeing your parents!

God that feels good 😊

Firstly it's still November. Calm the fuck down.

You've not spoken or seen each other in a year why on earth would you but each other presents. Stop pretending it's all ok.

@YorkieTheRabbit I need to know more. Do they descend and eat until
Your cupboard is bare?!!

“Oh that’s disappointing, I really like getting Christmas Cards and I will be sending them”

I know I know, expensive and old fashioned, and if you aren’t sending them that’s your choice. But don’t assume I agree with you about them.

I don't give a shiny shit if you don't enjoy Christmas and would rather it didn't exist. You have young children who are excited about when the decorations will go up so stop telling them they have to wait until Xmas eve and that they'll be down on boxing day. Get off your fat lazy arse and get the fucking tree out of the shed you ungrateful twat.

YOU do Christmas at your house for once. You've alternated between visiting , DM, DSIS and ours each year but you have never reciprocated in the 30 years you've had your own home.

If it wasn't for the fact they have young children I d think that you were talking about my mother. She's such a killjoy but if she didn't get Christmas she'd kickoff.

Yeah you go on about how you hate Christmas and it's all just another day and blah blah... But you do nothing for it. None of the shopping, cooking, buying presents, wrapping presents, writing cards, putting up decorations but still expect everything to be done for you or else. What is it that you actually hate? Sitting on your arse as usual, moaning long and loud, opening presents (when you've not bought anything for anyone else because you've put it on me ) eating and watching TV? 🙄

A different relative : why do I always have travel to you? You've only been here for an hour when someone else died. Your children have never been to your home town or met any of your family outside the immediate family but if I can't go when you click your fingers it's suddenly war. I'm so over it all!

Oh girls, do you all have to wear black to the Christmas party?

I am sooo glad I don't have to look at your miserable face on Christmas Day ever again. You ruined every fucking Christmas for 30 years.
And thank god I don't have to deal with your crank of a mother anymore. You can all be miserable together.

Don’t buy that beige shit. Please. You’re already three stone overweight. Don’t open mince pies in mid October and complain you can’t get into your jeans any more.

I know the golf club event is more important than seeing me and my family, you couldn’t make it more obvious.

I hate your corporate work Christmas events, schmoozing with Surrey mummies and pretending to care what prep school little Edgar is hoping to get into. I go to the ladies to take a swig of the mini gin bottle in my handbag.

I miss you. It’s been many many years since we spent the festive period fucking like rabbits in our hotel room. I miss you and I miss our youth and I wish you’d married me, not her.

Please don’t add to my woman work by asking me exactly what you should buy for DH, me and the kids.

When did selecting what to buy become my job? Why can’t people just give gifts?!

Oh this. So much this. I’m so done with thinking of everyone’s gifts for everyone else!
It’s supposed to be about the thought….and it’s not as if I get the fucking credit either!! I even have to think of my own gifts.

oh how I wish I could say this.

AND

no, I don’t want to be on the family WhatsApp because I am fed up with all of you (DH family)

You are the biggest piss taker with sick leave and I'd love to know who your doctor is, who is happy to write endless sick notes.
And another thing, stop bringing your unfortunate children in to the office because you're too tight to pay for childcare or take annual leave.

What I said - Would you like to choose ONE from this provided selection for your autistic grandchild for Christmas? Sensory issues, so I buy in bulk when j find something suitable
Response - I'll just take these THREE & then that is everything & I won't have to do any other shopping......
BUT what about other family members!!!!

I'm glad you're dead you overbearing, selfish bastards. Christmas is great without you.

"Mil, you are a nasty horrid person and I cannot stand you any more. Your son is an absolute shit, definitely not the saint you are so busy trying to convince everyone he is. He absolutely destroyed me by leaving the way he did, yet I maintained contact with you so my daughter still had a relationship with you. You both treated my lovely kind FiL appallingly in his last months and I'm glad he's not around to see how nasty and cruel you've become. And while we're here, I'm allowed to grieve, I loved him very much.

I have absolutely no sympathy for you now that "everyone has vanished" you are such an awful person no-one wants to be around you and your toxic opinions. And no, my lovely DD doesn't seem as chatty any more because she is growing up and forming her own opinions of you, she's not rude she's just starting to see the light. So you can spend Christmas on your own when the saint son cancels last minute, instead of being welcomed into my home. If I'm so awful that you can treat me the way you have, then you obviously would prefer to spend the day alone than be with me. So yes, I am a "bit grumpy" because I'm utterly sick of it all and trying to not say something I will ultimately regret oh and just fuck off and sort out your own present to DD, if you can't be bothered then she's going to notice because I'm not fixing it for you any more."

You have no idea how much I wish I could pluck up the courage to say all that!!! Feels good to write it down though.

How about you give a clue what you might want, not to mention give me feedback afterwards so I know for future reference.

I want you to like/enjoy what I get (and spend my hard earned cash on). If you didn't or wouldn't it would save me the time and effort (and the aforementioned hard earned cash).

Contrary to popular opinion I'm not a fucking mind reader and you sitting there looking docile and saying " aw, just anything will do" (when you know fine well it won't) does not fill me with Christmas cheer.

Not this week, but not that long ago to DH's adult son :

"Why didn't you bother to tell me that you are no longer a vegetarian? I've spent a long time planning & shopping for a special Xmas dinner just for you - you stupid, selfish, ignorant twat. I want to stuff this food up your arse."

I actually said "Fine, but I'm sure you'll enjoy this food anyway as there's only enough lobster & fillet steak for your Dad & me".

I don’t mind you having parcels sent to my house. You’re abroad and it’s convenient. I get it

BUT can you fucking stop ordering stuff in my name. It’s going to get here if it has my name on or yours. You’ve told me not to open anything, but what about MY Christmas shopping? You’re not the only one who buys stuff from Next, M&S, Amazon, Boots etc. it’s really really hard when I can’t open my own stuff. When I broached the subject you asked why I always have to ruin Christmas

Agh

Also I don’t want the Miranda Hart book. I did watch her programme a few years back when the kids were younger, but you bought me her autobiography for three different christmases, I didn’t read them, and I’ve seen she’s got a new book out. There are lots of books I would like though

I hope you have a shit Christmas.

Thats it.

To ex MIL & FIL: Why the actual fuck have you been badgering me since the end of September for my DD's birthday / Xmas wish list (Dec birthday), yet only now, a week before her birthday you are messaging me that the things I suggested to you in early October are now out of stock.

Why the actual fuck did you need a list late September if you weren't going to actually buy / order anything for 2 actual fucking months?! WHY???

(They are not struggling financially and are very financially comfortable).

I'm now supposed to find other options / sites for you to buy the items from. Meanwhile I'm left hanging while you decide what you are buying from the list so I can buy what is left, despite me saying that I need to know what you are / are not buying by 15/11, and yet you are feeling pressured to make decisions 🤯

Every. Fucking. Year.