My surname getting dropped from DS birthday card

[MaltipooMama]

Hi all, I have some spare time whilst my little one naps so thought I would pop on here and gather a general consensus! So our baby is turning one on Monday and as such he's had a birthday card delivered from his Dad's aunt who lives in another city, the name on the card is Master T and then only his dad's surname. His name is actually double barrelled, his dad's first and then mine second (hyphenated). This family member may not even know my surname so I kind of get it, it's not a massive deal to me and certainly not big enough to mention to my partner, but I was just wondering would you be bothered about this or not care less? Just curious really!

Well how bothered are you about the double barrel? You've obviously chosen to use it. I think if you want it used consistently, you'll have to make the clear. Always sign off 'The Jones-Smiths' or whatever it is. I have taught lots of double barrels and certainly through primary, once it's clear it's not just a tag on name or an optional, it is kept as double barrel.

Aunt has just made that assumption. I’d try to find a gentle way to let her know at some point, but wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

My children only have one surname but it does grate if I see it spelled incorrectly, so I suppose it would annoy me a little bit to have one part of a double-barrelled name excluded.

It wouldn't annoy me enough to say anything though, I think I'd try to focus on being grateful that a relative thought to send a card, because it was a nice thing to do.

Send her a note with a photo of him thanking her for DC card signed off with his double barreled name. She'll know then for the future.

Yeah all makes sense, I'm not too concerned about it, the aunt is elderly and as such she's only met our little one (and me) once as she lives so far away, I definitely wouldn't need to mention it to her. I don't really know why it irked me, like I said she probably doesn't even know my surname and has never seen our boy's name written down so probably doesn't even know it's double barrelled, I think it's just the assumption that he would have only his dad's name maybe that bothered me, who knows! Thank you for your inputs

Who says she's very elderly? She could be in her 20s for all you know!

I kept my maiden name when I got married and every birthday / Christmas, my side of the family send me a variety of cards addressed in one of my maiden name, DH's surname, DH's surname spelt incorrectly or mine and DH's name double barrelled. It bothers me but not enough to let them know - the only time I have done is when one auntie sent me a cheque that I couldn't pay in as it had the incorrectly spelt name on.

She doesn’t even know your surname or seen it written down, this is going to happen so many times over his life even by people who know the full name, it’s the pain that comes with a double barrel, it’s file it in the don’t care section.

It's probably a fair assumption though, the norm is that the man's family name is taken. Double barrels / the woman's name being used are much less uncommon, so on the chances of probability it would be more likely that it was his surname.

@friendlyflower There's nothing to indicate she's very elderly. My nieces & nephews have kids & I'm mid 40's. The rest I agree with. Say thank you for the card. Your son is lucky to have extended family that care about him.

I couldn't be bothered to think anything of it.

Very elderly??
Assuming OP is not a 50 yo herself, then assuming that her parents weren't 50 when she was born, i'd guess Aunt is perhaps in her late 40s/early 50s. Aunt is quite likely to be familiar with the concept of a double-barrelled name - or at least not so ga-ga that she wouldn't get it.

Its understandable given she’s unlikely to know your surname - and the alternative, if people are too scared of getting things wrong, is that it becomes easier not to send anything at all. I’d take it in the spirit it was intended - a thoughtful gesture to wish your son well

No, I wouldn't be bothered about it from a distant relative of your DH's who's assumed the norm for a married couple with a baby (and of course, nothing wrong at all with differing from that norm).

Different story if it was close family or friends or his school.

As he goes through life, people will occasionally accidentally leave one surname out or reverse the order etc. I'd try to encourage him not to be bothered about that unless it's something important.

I would be grateful for the card and mindful that my child's Great Aunt probably doesn't know that I had chosen to fanny about with surnames.

No, it wouldn't bother me.

Why’s she ‘very elderly’?

The post I responded to seemed to imply that she used the incorrect surname because she was elderly.

This is clearly a very ageist comment!

She made an incorrect assumption, but one a much younger person might have made.

@MaltipooMama this isn't a hill I would die on, but it might be an idea to let her know that your child has a double barrelled surname for future use.

Just a warning, OP - you'll be flooded with responses from people who can't wait to tell you how they think double-barrelled names are stupid, or not the done thing in their day. They just can't help themselves.

To your question: It bothers me mildly, but not enough to say anything to the person. It's just a slight faux pas for them, getting someone's name wrong. But not a huge deal.

The main one I get is elderly relatives referring to me as Mrs [DH Name] rather than my actual name, which is double barrelled. Either an error, or they're trying to make a point, which is cringy for them but I wouldn't think about it beyond that.