My surname getting dropped from DS birthday card

[MaltipooMama]

Hi all, I have some spare time whilst my little one naps so thought I would pop on here and gather a general consensus! So our baby is turning one on Monday and as such he's had a birthday card delivered from his Dad's aunt who lives in another city, the name on the card is Master T and then only his dad's surname. His name is actually double barrelled, his dad's first and then mine second (hyphenated). This family member may not even know my surname so I kind of get it, it's not a massive deal to me and certainly not big enough to mention to my partner, but I was just wondering would you be bothered about this or not care less? Just curious really!

Depends if it was intentional or not. You agree it wasn't, so no in this case it wouldn't bother me.

How is it fannying about ?

How's she supposed to know.
The main thing is the card.

Oh and just to point out before any more AIBU-ers join in 😂 it's not an AIBU question. I said it didn't bother me particularly, I was just a bit put out that my half of the surname had been left off, and I wondered how others would feel. It's not that deep so I don't need to be convinced of anything, I'll feel how I feel about it and will have forgotten by this time tomorrow 😅

If she does know your surname or that it's double barrelled I would just leave it

Oh if she's 80 you really can't get cross. She's just thrilled that there's a new addition to the family. These oldies are a bit of a law unto themselves but often they are in pain, poor memory and battled many different things to reach that grand old age.

Enjoy your new baba and forget about it!

It would annoy me too.

My kids have my surname as not married and partner didn't want to double barrel. All the cards from his side of the family always put their dad's surname when addressing cards to my kids.

It's not even their name!!!!

Well obviously in her day it was normally the dad whose name the child had.

It would annoy me, but if she's never been told what the little one's full name is, I would send her a thank you note with your full name and address on the back of the envelope.

has happened over and over with my DS. Unless it's close family (I tell them) I let it go...bit annoying but nothing major

I don't think anyone thinks too deeply about it!

Little one is awake now so just in case I don't come on again, just to say again I appreciate the comments, have some takeaways which I will tell you so that I have wrapped it up haha

Thank you to people who have been in my situation and said they've felt a bit miffed as well, it's nice to hear it wasn't just me!
Yes she has made assumptions based on traditional/old fashioned values, fair enough I'm not too concerned
I'm very happy with his double barrelled name, we aren't married as we have no need of desire to be, we're not remotely religious and use all our free money on lovely holidays!
I will accept that extended family members may leave my name off (and maybe at some point some of mine may even leave his off!) but I'll roll with it
I will send a thank you note and pop his full name and address on the back as a return address, at least then she's aware and can address it how she wishes in future knowing his full name!
Also she is a really lovely lovely lady, I understand it obviously just wouldn't occur to her to add my name

Thanks again for your insights

I wouldn't mind if it was someone who genuinely didn't know my child had both surnames. I assume you also have both surnames now & the longer people are aware of this the mistakes will eventually stop. If you have chosen to keep your own surname, your DH has his & your child
has the double barrel name I imagine it could become very confusing having 3 different surnames within the same family.🤔

Posted at same time 😂

Update:.Your not married so my thoughts not really applicable now

OP has said she’s elderly.

I would get your partner to phone her for a chat to say thank you for the birthday card and how lovely it was of her to remember and go to the trouble. Then, during the conversation, he can say "Just so you know, as I know you like to get things right, and you can note it in your address book, we decided to call Tommy 'Tommy Smith Jones' not just Tommy Smith. I doubt you even knew Maltipoo's surname now I come to think about it. Anyhow.... what you doing for Christmas this year (or whatever other chat he moves on to)."

It needn't be a big deal, but I know I'd rather have the right information shared with me the first time I got it wrong, than be left to repeat the mistake for evermore.

We double barrelled (I gave birth so brainer), snd it happens sll the time from in law side. Doesn't bother me at all. You can explain to your kids when they're older why you decided on this if they ask.

Such a complete non issue. As you said she’s elderly and probably didn’t know. She sent a card which is lovely. Let it go, who realLy cares and move on.

And yes I’ve been there as my husbands 99 year old grandma uses the wrong last name as I didn’t take my husbands last name. I could care less. She sends me a cheque for five pounds on my birthday (super cute) and I had my band account amended to be able to cash it to make her happy.

Instead of upsetting a old woman I am grateful at her generosity and thoughtfulness. Guess it’s rare these days to consider other peoples feelings and just to suck up the small stuff.

All the pp saying we don't know that the Aunt is elderly - the OP says Yeah all makes sense, I'm not too concerned about it, the aunt is elderly

Get some little notecards made up in his correct name to send out as thank yous. Papier do some nice ones.

I honestly would not be bothered at all.
Maybe when i was younger I may have made a big deal about it but it would be a non issue to me.

We double barrelled DC. Nobody has ever got it wrong, interestingly enough. Or expressed an opinion, either way.

I think someone dropping either of his last names would irritate me, for the simple reason that it wouldn’t be his name. However, I can’t imagine a situation in which that would happen.

I'd feel happy that his aunt has sent him a card for his birthday. She assumed that he simply has his father's surname, as is traditional. She's not bitching about his name, but it would be unkind of you to put her right. Let it go.

My son has a double barrelled surname. I kept my name when I married ex h, so ds had both, my name - his name as it flowed better that way.

When we divorced, his father and his family dropped my name completely from existence when posting birthday and Christmas cards to ds.

It really did ex h head in that I never mentioned it, even when he goaded me (him - “I only put my name on, must have forgotten!” Me: “okay”), you can tell by his repeated mentioning of it over the years and his reaction to my lack of reaction that it really bothered him over the years 😂

Sympathies, OP. My DC have my surname (and DH surname as a middle name - I actually wanted to double barrel but DH thought that would be a mouthful) and the number of times we have birthday cards addressed to DC to their first name followed by DH surname, even AFTER I've gently pointed out to the offending sender that it's incorrect. I don't lose sleep over it as appreciate we've taken an unconventional approach but I do think it's rude. DH parents also only address cards to kids' first names - perhaps because they feel use of my surname is a snub to them.

Can't please everybody I guess

I'd be grateful someone remembered at all.