My surname getting dropped from DS birthday card

[MaltipooMama]

Hi all, I have some spare time whilst my little one naps so thought I would pop on here and gather a general consensus! So our baby is turning one on Monday and as such he's had a birthday card delivered from his Dad's aunt who lives in another city, the name on the card is Master T and then only his dad's surname. His name is actually double barrelled, his dad's first and then mine second (hyphenated). This family member may not even know my surname so I kind of get it, it's not a massive deal to me and certainly not big enough to mention to my partner, but I was just wondering would you be bothered about this or not care less? Just curious really!

Are you married to his dad OP?

I only ask as me and DP aren't married, we also live abroad (dp is portuguese) and it was important to me that DS has my surname too.
Everyone (including schools, clubs etc) always drop my surname and just use DS first name and DP surname. It annoys me no end

It's not ageist, because OP has SAID that she's elderly!

Oh, you've got to clear this up, op. I'm invested now😁. I read it as your husband's aunt. How old is she we NEED to know.

Isn't it the baby's dad's aunt? So op's partner's aunt?

How are people reading this as it’s the baby’s grandfather’s aunt?

OP says “he has had a birthday card delivered from his Dad’s aunt”…

His = the baby’s
Dad’s = the baby’s Dad
Aunt = the baby’s Dad’s aunt

Anyway, no, it wouldn’t bother me.

My husbands family is the same. To make it worse my sons first and middle names are also his family names so my last name in the double barrelled is the only "acknowledgement" of me and where I'm from (quite regional name) and they constantly leave it out.
I correct them every time.

They probably can’t remember yr surname, sounds like u r over reacting it’ll happen many times throughout their life.

It took fil about 10 years to add my surname to everything. Dh and I double barrelled at his insistence.

And yes, it irks.

I think it was just one poster who was convinced that it was a more senior generation, but their posts have all been deleted.

We have a niece on my side, and a nephew on dh's side who have recently married (not each other) and double barreled their names. We'll make an effort to correctly address their cards in the future, but hope it wouldn't massively matter if we get it wrong. I'd rather send a card than not, due to worrying about the envelope.

I changed my surname 20 years ago and my family still refuse to use it...

My aunt still uses DHs surname on DCs card, even though I kept my maiden name and the kids have my name.
I have told her, my mum has told her so now I just ignore it. After 18 and 16 years she's not going to change

How lovely of the aunt to send a card.

That's all
I would think.

Double barrelled surname for children over here 🙋‍♀️

It would bother me because their surname is their surname. If their surname was Cook a card wouldn’t be sent to Master Co

Aunt has probably assumed child has dads surname. Would I correct her? When I got a chance to I would.

I honestly could not be remotely bothered about this.

I have one of those surnames that can be spelled multiple ways, and I've given up even thinking about it.
My husband's elderly aunt spent a couple of decades calling our eldest by the wrong name (along the lines of calling a Christina, Christine) even though she saw her probably half a dozen times a year. We were miffed for a while, but then we just gave up and rolled our eyes. Auntie M was a good egg, she just seemed to have the wrong name stuck in her head.

Addressing correspondence was so much easier when the convention was for couples to marry before living together, and for the wife and children to automatically take the husband/father’s surname!

Have you actually told her what his full name is ?

This is what I do

Yes there’s no doubt an assumption the child has his dad’s surname. But in the aunt’s defence, if you’ve not told her the kid’s surname - and that it is different from his dad’s (not patriarchal, just of the relative she knows) - you can’t blame her really for guessing & guessing wrong.

It honestly wouldn't bother me but it sounds like you'd rather both names are always used.
If aunt had been told the double barrelled name, then she needs a gentle reminder to use it. If she's never been told, you'll need to find a way to inform her otherwise she'll do it again.

Thanks again all for your inputs, can see it from a few different sides but ultimately I do know the main takeaway is that it's certainly not a hill to die on and that it was very kind of her to think to send him a card! To clarify as it has been asked, the lady is my partner's aunt and she's in her 80s

Unfortunately the old fashioned default assumption is the kid has the dad's surname in a couple who are together. But obviously assumptions is not a good thing.
If I didn't know I would put both surnames, but again they might be in the wrong order. Or I might not know the woman's maiden/actual surname if I was from the other side of family.
It's not a huge deal is it?

My godmother addresses cards to me as Mrs Myrtle Married.
My mum addresses cards to me as Ms Myrtle Strumpet (Married).

It's quite funny. I didn't take his name because I'm too old to change my name and the cost is a penalty for being female. He doesn't care.

I think people who go with convention themselves don't give much thought to surnames. They just generally assume everyone else follows the convention.

Personally I wouldn't double barrel a surname because it just becomes a mouthful IMO, but i would write it out if I knew it was what was being used by others. It's not clear though if she even knows you've double barrelled his name so YABVU to think she should have guessed that was the case if so.