What is the ideal plan for old age?

[coffeemonsterrrr]

A hypothetical question here, but, let's say you're middle aged (40's, married with kids, working). Assuming money is no object - wealthy / comfortable but not at Musk-like levels or anything (again this is hypothetical)...
What plans would you put in place for your old age?

I've witnessed a few family members have depressing / sad last few years in care homes and thinking about if there's a way it can be done better. Without any burden on children though.

Make sure you are living in a house that is suitable for old age. Not necessarily a bungalow, but at least a downstairs WC and a room that could be used as a ground floor bedroom should you need it. Make sure the house is in good repair and insulated to the highest standard possible.
Live in an area with doctors, dentist, restaurants, pubs, cafe and a sense of community with clubs, activities and good transport links. In other words life! We live in a large village with all these facilities.
Join things while you are fit and well, preferably with a mix of ages, mixing with those younger than you keeps you young.
We have no intention of going into care ( we are aware that things can be taken out of your hand), but our first step would be care in our own home when we are quite aged.

Partner with someone 10 years younger than yourself and have oodles of cash in a life insurance policy for them.

Don’t move to the country or abroad to somewhere remote!

Maybe move into a bungalow in your 50s . Get it done to how you like.
Hopefully near to bus route , shops , close to a hospital / medical centre , family live close by.
Plenty going on that is suitable for older people to participate - clubs etc , friends around you .

Based on my recent experience of caring for my (much older) spouse? Have pots of money to pay for all the services you’ll need that are not provided by the state.

I always say that I'd like to live long enough to be a burden on my children

They're thrilled with this, naturally.

Being serious though, my plan would be to off myself when I've had enough. Don't know how that would pan out in real life but having spent some time visiting a care home, I don't want to be in one

DH and I are planning to move into a convenient property in the middle of our local market town when we start finding it hard to cope.

Ideally, however, I'd like to be happily soldiering on, digging my garden, walking my dogs and driving my car until I just drop dead. Unfortunately you can't book that in.

I'll be learning from the mistakes my grandparents made in their last few years. They were stubborn and inflexible and wanted to do everything in the way they always had. It just wasn't possible. They were in an entirely unsuitable house for old age and they also had set tasks that each did but when one died the other had no clue how to do the other tasks e.g. cook even a basic beans on toast meal. Basically live in a suitable house, be flexible and don't get set on always doing the same chores each as you need to be able to run a house solo even when less strong or ill.

Keep fit and cross your fingers.

I haven't really had experience of any family members long term in care homes, only for a very short time as end of life care.

I would hope to have enough to pay for myself should care needs arise and would make sure I make a will and do POAs while I'm of sound mind as my mum has done.

My DM lives with us and has got to 85 so far without being particularly unwell. I'm aware that can quickly change and that I may have to be around more or pay for carers or a care home.

PIL are 80, DH has POAs and they have enough money for care at home or elsewhere.

All of my grandparents and now my parents have ended up in care homes one by one, so I feel desperate not to, but can't help sometimes feeling it's inevitable. Just trying to think what could they have done differently, even if they'd had more money? What is the answer?

In your 50s? Crikey, I'm 50 next year. I recently walked fifteen miles and will be running in the gym this evening, I hope I can manage stairs for a while yet.

My 85 year old mum can manage stairs.

I understand why it’s on your mind but I can’t think of anything more depressing than spending the majority of my life worrying about how and where I’ll end it.

Most of this won’t be something I’ll actually ever do because money will always be an issue.

You need to be living somewhere sensible. It’s no good having a beautiful cottage in a rural location if there’s one bus every three days and the nearest hospital is 43 miles away. Start looking for bungalows or ground floor flats in a central location, or thinking about sheltered accommodation when it gets to that point. Will you need one of those emergency call things installed? It can tell if you’ve fallen over. Or would an Alexa do the same? What about furniture? If you’re going to fit a new bathroom, is there any point in fitting a modern one? Or would a wetroom or one of those walk in baths be more sensible? Do you need a cleaner? Do you know a handyman you can trust not to bodge the job and rip you off? Have you got your shopping set up for delivery? Do you need a key safe attachment for outside, so if you ever need to call for an ambulance, you can tell the operator the code and they won’t have to kick your door in to get to you.

Join clubs and make friends so someone notices if you’re not where you’re supposed to be.

Make sure all of your paperwork is up to date. Have a will if you need one. A pre paid funeral plan and details of your wishes. De-clutter regularly.

I think 50s is too young to move to a bungalow - there's a lot of incidental exercise in going up and down stairs.

But I agree that too many people end up in unsuitable accommodation as they leave it too late to move to somewhere more suitable.

I quite like the idea of a retirement village/block where you have your own space but there is help and company if you need it. Think they cost more than my house is worth though and there are rules around who can come and stay.

Also there's a big difference between old age as a couple and old age alone, and if you are used to being part of a couple, you don't know how long that will continue.

I don't think it's inevitable, but I do think it's hard to avoid if it's going to happen if you see what I mean. Eg my grandad did go into a care home because his dementia was too severe for family to manage at home - not much to be done about that. My grandma did not go into a care home, and my other grandparents still live totally independently in the house they've lived in for decades and are 97 & 99 yrs old. They've kept healthy all their lives but no healthier really than my other grandad who had dementia.

I have thought about this a lot as I have worked as a home carer for many years.
The elderly people that seem to have the highest quality of life are the ones that moved to flats before they really needed to. Their flats are warm and cosy and they know how to use all the appliances etc.
The most miserable people seem to live in larger homes, use only one or two rooms often with a bed moved downstairs and often have cold homes.
I think if a care home is needed for the last few year then that’s just the way it is but the years before this definitely seem safer and happier for people living in smaller accommodation.

I find the idea of people moving in their fifites into a retirement bungalow really strange. I won't be able to take my pension until I am 65 (private)/67 (state), so don't put me aside just yet.

I am 52, DH is 56. We still have a child in secondary education. No way I will be moving unless I have to.

I can see us moving at one point, purely because it would be a nightmare converting a typical 1930s semi detatched house without loosing value. But I think I want DD fully out of university and living permanently somewhere and that will be another 6+ years.

I see my mum and my PIL in their mid/late eighties living in a flat with no elevator and reduced mobility, that's definitley not what I want but I do think I have a bit more time.

I'm probably unusual in that I was impressed with the care home that my parents spent their final days in and if I needed looking after I would rather be with company and things going on than sat at home by myself. Maybe I'll change my mind as I get older though.

This is hysterical. How to tell you are young without saying you are young

50's I was fitter and healthier than I had ever been. Walking long distance trail routes and training for Iron man. No time to move into a bungalow

Just bear in mind that unexpected health issues can change life in a heartbeat, regardless of well laid plans

Quite! It's not unusual to be doing the school run still in your 50's

I'd still have about 20 years of work ahead of me at 50.

My experience with relatives is that it is impossible to future proof.

However on all occasions if you have money to get care or help makes life much easier for the rest of the relatives.

But live life to the full for as long as you can

Get POA in place, and write yourself an Advance Decision - check out the Compassion in Dying website for a very good model you can use.

Why were your DGP all in care homes? If they had dementia, then it’s pretty unavoidable but an Advance Decision may ensure you have a faster natural death rather than being strung out with medical interventions.

Otherwise, die sooner. That’s my main plan.

Get one of those phones with the big numbers, ideally by age 45....