What is the ideal plan for old age?

[coffeemonsterrrr]

A hypothetical question here, but, let's say you're middle aged (40's, married with kids, working). Assuming money is no object - wealthy / comfortable but not at Musk-like levels or anything (again this is hypothetical)...
What plans would you put in place for your old age?

I've witnessed a few family members have depressing / sad last few years in care homes and thinking about if there's a way it can be done better. Without any burden on children though.

The best thing you can do for you and your family as you get older is have a sense of humour. Don't let them saying something like 'mum, you have told me that story 3 times already in the last hour' send you into a pit of despair!

In your 50's? Blimey really? I'm 42 and don't feel anywhere near moving to a bungalow for practical purposes.

Bewareofthisonetoo
Yes me too!
Never want to burden my kids with the awfulness I see in a couple of my elderly relatives.
My plan is to wade into the river in a buoyancy aid ( so as not to drown) but sink a bottle of vodka or two, and die peacefully of hypothermia…

Bizarrely that was always my mother's plan except being the Eyore she is she always added but I'm such a strong swimmer I would probably survive.

It was incredibly hurtful to hear on repeat growing up.

She's 90 now and in a care home she loves as almost mercifully she has dementia.

I’m 51 and my son isn’t even at secondary.

we are just about to move to a 3 storey house 🤣we could live downstairs if needed but my friend is 90 and gets up and down the stairs fine.

My 93yr old Mum who was fit and active 2 months ago has recently been diagnosed with widespread terminal cancer. She has had a shockingly rapid decline - so much so that I have had to move in to care for her. I live 20 miles away and have basically left my husband temporarily, not through choice! I know I’ll be here until she passes. Her house is unsuitable with the stairs that she is now struggling to manage. She is in bed upstairs now but we are going to have to get a bed downstairs and carers soon which she doesn’t want. I suggested a bungalow some years ago due to my Dad’s health issues which she totally rejected. She thought she would fall asleep forever at some point like her own mother but we obviously know we can’t choose the death we want. It’s made me look at my own future plans as I live in a totally unsuitable house which we love, fine now but maybe not in future years.

LOL at "move to a bungalow in your fifties". Mr Monkey is 55 and ran Boston Marathon in 3hrs 10 mins this year!

@Rainbow321 that is exactly what I have done. I was widowed 16 years ago aged 48. In my late fifties both my adult DC left home. I struggled looking after the big family home with its huge garden alone. I had a stroke aged 60 but carried on working as soon as I recovered sufficiently.
At 61 I realised I was struggling to manage and downsized to a small bungalow nearer to my DC with all facilities nearby. I was able to give up work as the equity released by my move, along with a small occupational pension meant I can manage until I get my state pension. The town where I now live has great transport links. I have weekends away and days out to places I love. I enjoy my lovely easy to maintain garden. I volunteer and get out and about daily. I'm hoping that if I need care in future it will be at home for as long as possible. I would prefer not to go into a care home but if that turns out to be best for me then so be it. I have written an Advanced Decision for end of life care in case it is needed. That is with my DC and lodged with my GP medical records; so there will be no doubt about my preferences. My life is so much easier than when I tried to hang onto staying in the big family home. I have more time and energy to the things I enjoy. Life is good.

Im quite old and here’s my tuppence worth: do everything you can to keep fit and healthy. Look around you - so many people in their 60s and older who are clearly unfit. Walk, work out, eat a healthy Mediterranean type diet.

67 here and live alone. I am not a "joiner" of things and like my own company best. That goes against the grain I know, since I should be gadding about volunteering for this or that and joining every club under the sun. That's just not me! I have good family and friend connections though, but not every day of the week either!

However, I get out and about every day except Sunday. Walk around 5k sometimes more, sometimes less, and often with a backpack full of groceries or whatever. Fingers crossed, I feel great, never need a nap and sleep well, eat well and so on. Everyone is different.

Back to prep. I live in a three bed semi that only had one bathroom upstairs. Last year I got the house refurbed and fully insulated, new kitchen, bathroom with walk in shower, plus installed a downstairs loo + shower aswell. I don't use the d/s shower, but it's there if I need it in the future. I already live close to everything I need, so that's as much prep as I've done so far! Oh I did will, POA, DNR, all that sort of stuff, and got all paperwork in a folder in case I drop down some day.

If I need a care home so be it. My only stipulation is that my room is on the ground floor with doors to the outside. I can afford something like that, I made provision for it. And I DON'T WORRY about what may or may not happen to me, I've done as much as I can, the rest is in the lap of the gods.

My late DF sold his flat and moved into an apartment attached to a care home in his mid 80s. He lived independently, but at the age of 89 when he became ill quite quickly and couldn't manage he had care available. It was a huge load off my mind as an only child who was still working.

What a good idea.

In your 50s? Get a grip ! 😂

All of my grandparents and now my parents have ended up in care homes one by one, so I feel desperate not to.
Why are you desperate not to. Are they that unhappy there. My 87 year old mum has been in a care home for a couple of months. She loves it there she is looked after so well and is safe. She has lots of company with the other residents. And the staff love her. If she was at home she would be on her own all day and evenings just sitting watching the TV. I'm not even 60 yet and it wouldn't bother me at all.

My plan is that once DD is grown up and financially independent, I won’t seek medical treatment for any physical illness I develop. Sad to lose a parent to cancer (which is what it’s likely to be in my case as it killed all four of my grandparents and my father), but much sadder to have to cope with years of decline from dementia. We’re going through it now with MIL. As long as she could express a wish she was clear that she wanted to die; she isn’t coherent enough for that any more but is clearly very unhappy. This is the eighth year since she started to decline, and as she’s physically very tough I reckon we’ve got at least another two to go. DH and BIL will probably die before she does because of all the stress.

Exactly. I plan to stay in my home with lots of stairs until at least my later 60s. Then I will downsize to something suitable to age in.

I don't have hard and fast plans because life and future needs aren't that predictable. I'm making sure I'm in a position to make choices as needed.

Unfortunately I think people overestimate how much of it is within your control.

You can do everything right and age will still catch up with you.

My parents are both in their 80s and have lived as healthily as it's possible to be but now have heart failure and dementia respectively.

I'd say their lifestyles probably extended their healthy lifespan, so this is happening in their 80s rather than their 70s, and so definitely worthwhile, but you are still eventually faced with the same questions about care just further down the line.

Having money, being open to moving to smaller & more accessible housing, and living in an urban setting probably put you in the best position. But everything else is luck.

For me the answer is that I desperately want the assisted dying bill to go through. I'm only in my mid fifties and have spent the last 7 years helping to care for my DF. He died last year and now my DM is becoming dependent upon myself and my only sibling. There is simply no end to the caring roles for a lot of people as their parents live until they are in their 80/90's, many with a shit quality of life. My DF was so desperate to die as he'd really had enough. Couldn't move, speak or communicate in any way at the end.
I shall NEVER put my children through caring for me, like we did him. He lost all his dignity and pride. I loved him to bits.
In addition to his illness, I have now lost 4 close friends to cancer-all in their 50's, so I made the decision to wing it a bit, and have drawn down on my pension now to top up my (very low) part time wage, but I enjoy my work and am happy to carry on doing one day a week. My main priority is to enjoy the next ten years in good health with enough money to take my kids out for meals and the odd weekend away. They are both early 20's and financially independent.
If I have to sit on the sofa watching daytime telly when I'm in my 70's - 80's, that's fine.
I'm not prepared to gamble with my possible 'healthy years' when cancer statistics are 1:2 and if you escape that, dementia beckons.
Furthermore, I'd like the assisted dying bill to include Dementia . If I were to be diagnosed with it, I want to leave instructions that I'm put to sleep once I become doubly incontinent.
I did take advise from a financial advisor which was invaluable. Good luck with your plans.

I would do something like those home sharing arrangements with a student or young person where they get cheap rent in return for a bit of basic cleaning or support.

Or if money really was no object move into one of those hotel type homes where there are spas, restaurants, etc and where you have your own apartment but care if needed.

While I know there's research about bungalow legs, I wonder how Australians have managed over the years, where until very recently the overwhelming majority of houses were single-storey. It's only recently I've seen houses, all new, where all the bedrooms are upstairs. It's a response to jamming more houses onto less land.

Surely if you move to a bungalow, get out walking more. If you can't, and that's why you moved to a flat/bungalow then you have issues which a staircase won't help, indeed might exacerbate.

Anyway, my Aussie house, like most I know, has bedrooms and a bathroom downstairs so I can adapt. OTOH I'm well aware that all of this can turn to shit in a heartbeat, planning or no.

How depressing is this thread - I appreciate we all have to be realistic and you never know what's around the corner but there are people on here fit and well in 40s and 50s virtualkyxwishing their lives away - blimey ladies, get a grip , get out there, have fun - and cross these bridges as you get older - in your 70s if needs be if you are fit and well or before if you aren't- it's not so much looking for bungalows that gets me down, it's the 'don't give me any help post 60' etc - and the obsession with care homes too - not everyone ends up in care homes or stuck at home having no life - I know I mention my FIL frequently but he's moving to a bungalow today at 85 - he's cleared his home a lot by himself, comes out for dinner with us frequently and is going away with us abroad at new year- he's all there and good company - and says he will cross any care needs as he needs it ( or we will) not all older people are the same.
I honestly blame all this on constant ads on TV for funeral plans and the ongoing issues about care - yes it's important but blimey it seems some of you are really not old before becoming obsessed about popping off and yes I do appreciate if you are dealing with head in the sand parents out their depth and constantly making demands it can make you acutely aware of care demands and mortality.

Take as much care as you can to keep healthy and engaged .

Actually, moving to somewhere that could be your forever home in your 50s isn't a bad idea at all. You've got 15-25 years to settle into the community, get the house exactly as you want it, find out all the good local stuff going on and so forth. Then when you do become "elderly" it's not a crisis for you or for your loved ones.

However fit and healthy we are, for all of us there is a last stage where we might be marvellous for our age, but being marvellous for 90 is not the same as being 60. We will need help, medical attention, might not be able to drive, might struggle with our mobility, might have dementia. That's what we need to plan for.

That’s hilarious - moving to a bungalow in your 50’s 🤣🤣 I am mid 50’s ! I walk up 100 steps to my flat up and down each day and work full time ! I don’t plan on living in a bungalow for at least another 20 years!

I'm early 50s and would be happy to downsize to the home we can age in. Except I have adult children at home, so might as well have the bigger home. I also figure all the stairs and big garden are probably good at keeping me fitter and healthier longer. At the moment, the plan is to consider a move later 60s. Plans can adjust as life changes, if needed.

I thought of similar too! A mountain or wood or remote beach rather than in the river though. Seems the best way, to fall asleep and drift off...

Don't have kids but have seen relatives in awful care homes with beige food and no books and staff talking to you like an idiot and fekking bingo and Saturday night telly turned up to 11...