What is the ideal plan for old age?

[coffeemonsterrrr]

A hypothetical question here, but, let's say you're middle aged (40's, married with kids, working). Assuming money is no object - wealthy / comfortable but not at Musk-like levels or anything (again this is hypothetical)...
What plans would you put in place for your old age?

I've witnessed a few family members have depressing / sad last few years in care homes and thinking about if there's a way it can be done better. Without any burden on children though.

😂😂😂

Bungalows a sure fire way to age you, going up and down stairs is a form of exercise and helps keep muscle mass

My dad worked a fair bit with the generation of elderly women who might have expected to marry around WW1 and didn't. Obviously this was a subset of the total population of women affected, but they were by and large independent and relatively wealthy.

Like a pp has said, they approached old age with a fair lack of sentimentality around exactly where they lived and a desire to be prepared. They downsized to flats when their parents died, as most had lived at home all their lives, and they scouted out and booked care homes or moved to supported living, again largely in advance of a crisis.

Again, very generally speaking, they maintained friendships and activities outside of their families as long as they were able to.

I suspect all of these things would help prepare for not ending up lonely and struggling in advanced old age, but there's always the chance to be blindsided by bad luck.

Stay slim and active.

My parents manged in village with poor transport - they could use internet so deliveries and money - and space meant later on Dad could be downstairs in hospital bed and before that they could get a stair lift as had money and space - and was downstairs toilet though most of rest of street took that out they'd kept it. He stayed till his death in his own home though mainly as had Mum.

IL in town with good transport will when their health fails be worse off - house has steep stairs - FIl already fallen down and nearly died - no downstairs toilet no room for stair lift and has top stair and no space. They used to be surrounded by younger family and friends - all who have moved on. They are fit and active but if ill health catches up they may well have to go into a home whereas if they had moved a decade ago into a better house for old age perhaps it would be easier to avoid that.

Next door since their late 50s have been doing house up for their old age - which by looks of it will be very active - but things have been done to make sure everything is as best it can be for when they do get older.

Money - gives more options - and housing.

I think things are a bit easier these days as you can get pretty much everything delivered

I'm thinking 70 start looking for a bungalow in next vlage which has more shops, pubs etc.
I would like to have carers of my choice, paid by me when needed.

I would consider sharing a house with a friend if we lose our husbands.

yeah... my lovely ex-neighbour only just went for a bungalow from 4 bedr detached... she is 2x widowed, in her 70s and was finding the garden at her old place too much effort, hence downsized. Our neighbours on other side have also just moved from big house into a small single story property that is part of a retirement community; they are in their 70s, & one of them has developed mild mobility problems in last 2 years.

I envy ex-neighbour's bungalow because it's so nicely SMALL. Otherwise I am another nearly 60yo also still running up & down the stairs...

Yes, I strongly suspect that my mother would absolutely love being in the right care home, rather than sat at home all day by herself with just a couple of carers popping in each day. She was the liveliest I've seen her in years when she was on a ward in a cottage hospital earlier this year.

But she started screaming at my first mention of a care home .....

My grandma is in her early 90's and ridiculously stubborn
Unfortunately she refused to move anywhere close to the rest of the family 20 years ago because she wanted to stay where her friends were, where she had the golf club etc etc. Now her friends have passed and she can barely leave the house due to her mobility let alone play golf but is over 4 and a half hours away from her nearest relatives yet won't allow us to organise a care package. We have just managed to get her to use a red button but she refused for years and accepted only after she had had a fall and lay in the garden for 10 hours as she also won't also won't use a mobile phone and couldn't get to the landline - she finally managed to get the attention of a neighbour but could have been there all night if she hadn't managed to do that.

So based on our experience - move somewhere suitable and accept you may need extra help

Our new battle is some kind of power of attorney - she doesn't have the internet so can't do online banking or online bills - if she has to go into hospital or similar we can't do anything about sorting out her bills. If she is incapacitated in some way she won't be able to get her pension money as she currently has to do a one day a week trip to the post office in her scooter so if she can't get out at all then no idea how she will get any money out.

Agree with the living near facilities. PILs are refusing to consider leaving their family house, even though it's miles from the nearest shops and has two buses a day. FIL is currently driving but won't be for much longer. I think if you're realistic it's much easier for everyone. However, I'm not sure there's much you can do to avoid a care home if it comes to that. Just have enough money for a good one.

Yes me too!
Never want to burden my kids with the awfulness I see in a couple of my elderly relatives.
My plan is to wade into the river in a buoyancy aid ( so as not to drown) but sink a bottle of vodka or two, and die peacefully of hypothermia…

Don't you think that would impact on your kids just as much? If my parents did that, I'd be devastated.

I'm planning to have something like a Churchill retirement flat in my 70s. No way I'm I going to burden my DCs. I'll sort it all out before I get infirm

I have never known anyone to off themselves because they were a burden. People say that, but they cling to life.

@Beebumble2 my father in law has just moved out of his place today at 85 and is moving from 180 miles away from us to 12 miles away to somewhere exactly like this- 3 bed detached bungalow in very good order , small but nicely done garden everything within 5 minutes walk at most and a very community minded 'funky' town with a community hospital , urgent care centre and lovely modern medical centre ( with cafe) - quite a bit extra in his bank too and yet I personally think it's an 'upgrade' in area and about equal property wise. I really admire him doing it too!!!

I have actually told them (they are adults) that I really really really don’t want the indignity of what I have seen, and that it would be a conscious choice and a decision I am making now.

That won't make it easier for them.

If you can manage it and have the requiste finances and support (including modifying property if necessary) keeping someone at home in their own environment is the best thing - unfortunately this usually does involve another person whether a spouse, or an adult child/children supporting them

It really pays off though because they get a lot of benefits including the joy of just having people who love them around in the background for 'downtime' of spending time together doing nothing.

Once you are in a care home and tied to 'visiting' - even if it's a place with open all hours visiting, the interaction between a person and their loved ones becomes very different because it is dependent on what goes on then and during a set time.
So for example, someone falling asleep in front of the TV while you are sitting there watching TV with them in their own home is relaxed spending time with them. They know they are loved and the person is there. Same with eating meals together every evening. In a care home its a different situation for the visitor who won't feel as relaxed, know they have to leave and so on.

However, what is the ideal plan depends very much on a lot of variables - on the level of aging disability - mentally well but physically infirm is very different from progressive dementia but physically physically well, which is different from both mentally ad physically unwell; the resources available to you (which is a huge thing); state, size and adaptability of the existing home, the strength of family bonds and the existence/presence of relatives (a child living in Australia is the equivalent of no child for example) and willingness of relatives to assist with care.

Honestly, idea plan is live fast and die relatively young-old before it gets too bad.

Everything said in the first reply.

Plus make sure affairs are all in order - declutter and sort wills and POA etc.

Do everything in your power to lead a relatively healthy and busy life. (Obviously there is a big element of luck, but keeping active and not gaining too much weight helps a lot).

Join things that keep you active, (physically and mentally) and remain friends with people of all age groups.

Campaign with Dignity in Dying in the hope that we will be allowed a choice when our time comes.

Some people throw the towel in after 70 and start acting old. Their body then obeys, next thing they're on a walker.

Stay active. Keep going to the gym. Muscles don't age. Keep the old man/woman out.

A bungalow in your 50s 😂

Don't be like my parents - make sure you maintain your house. Consider moving somewhere where there is a bathroom, kitchen and at least one room that can be a bedroom on the ground floor. Ensure your electrics, plumbing and boiler are up to date.

Seriously. I'm dealing with my parents and their unmaintained house now. It's a disaster.

Ensure you have a will/POA in good time, thankfully my parents have achieved this just in time.

Be near shops/hospitals/facilities.

Try and stay fit but don't think you're immortal. Infirmity comes to most of us in the end.

Some people throw the towel in after 70 and start acting old. Their body then obeys, next thing they're on a walker.
Stay active. Keep going to the gym. Muscles don't age. Keep the old man/woman out.

And prey you don’t get Alzheimer’s like my super fit, sudoku loving, world traveller, fun loving DM did at 65.