My poetry feedback group think I'm a mysognyist

[janetscoffeepot]

Hello folks

So I wrote this poem:

tea time
stew bubbles
baby babbles
mother can’t get it right.

I asked a mum friend for her thoughts and she said it felt judgmental. It was intended to be sympathetic towards the mother's point of view but she thought I was criticising the mother!

Do you read it as sympathetic?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts ladies!

I would absolutely think this is sympathetic.

Read sympathetic to me - like the mum's sense is that she can't get it right.

Did your group think that, or just the one friend?

Well it's a bit...short...to be able to come to a definitive view on what it's about.

It sounds critical to me. And it's generally not a great poem.

can you describe the feeling behind this three second poem!

"Mother" doesn't come across as sympathetic. It's very formal/old-fashioned.

Your friend is very literal! I recognise the sentiment. I think every mum (reader/poet) would get the implied criticism!

Can you try a limerick?

The last line doesn't seem to follow from the others. The stew and the baby seem fine, so what's the problem, the thing that's 'not right'?

Some people are very literal minded. Also, some people take everything personally and don't really appreciate what art's about. It's a weird mindset, to call a poem "judgemental".

OP, reading previous comments, I think you need to post this in Creative Writing section!

They made a huge assumption, didn't they? I couldn't be bothered with the drama!

"there once was a young lady from Funt who loved to paddle her punt.....

I think your terrible at poetry and should try golf 🤣

I will find the creative writing section. Thank you!

I like it!

Mother is making tea, the baby is crying and the sentiment 'mother can't get it right' conveys the frustration of her trying to make tea to nourish the child but the child is fretting and she feels no matter how hard she tries she can't get it right!

Signing up to the local course as we speak

Babbling isn't crying, it's happy chatter!

More of a haiku?

Also, it elicits sympathy in me as a reader because I relate to it...but the sentiment in the writing is...angry, bitter, resentful...in three little lines, that's nice work, I'd say.

This is a good point!

This, exactly.

For me, the poem doesn't actually make sense because babble is positive.

So, to start with, it conjures an image of a nice Stew for dinner bubbling away while baby babbles (happily chatting). All good. A nice positive image.

And then bam. Mother can't get it right???

Makes no sense, OP. Sorry.

blast. Good point - the language isn't quite right

The only way that would make sense would be if you had set the scene of an abusive partner, who sees hot food made ready and a happy cared for baby, and still insults the mum.

Hi,

I see you took this to the net. We should discuss this before the next round of feedback.

Ha, awkward.

I agree that it doesn't work because of the use of babbling.