My poetry feedback group think I'm a mysognyist

[janetscoffeepot]

Hello folks

So I wrote this poem:

tea time
stew bubbles
baby babbles
mother can’t get it right.

I asked a mum friend for her thoughts and she said it felt judgmental. It was intended to be sympathetic towards the mother's point of view but she thought I was criticising the mother!

Do you read it as sympathetic?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts ladies!

You slightly lost me at "poetry feedback group", I'm afraid.

Seriously though, I think it's incredibly hard to write good serious poetry that doesn't just sound pretentious.

I read it as completely sympathetic. Domestic harmony and all going well, tea coming on nicely and the baby happy and calm. And then mother's self criticism and worry. Maybe imposter syndrome or PND or just another woman worrying whether she's good enough. I think it captures a lot.

And 'stew' isn't out of date, it's still eaten in the UK, could be a dish in another culture, could be from a meal kit, it's pretty transferrable.

OMG I was just about to type the exact same thing! 🤣🤣

The baby isn't crying though, it's babbling.

Which is a positive happy noise.

@Unfortunatemumwriter what's with you? OP posts her own poem somewhere she wants to post it and you have some kind of problem with that, so much so that it that it requires "discussion" between the two of you? Then you go posting another negative comment just saying "wrong" on her thread.

You sure you want to be part of this poetry group you're in, OP? I'm getting the sense it's not you that's judgemental.

It's about Covid isn't it?
Mother and baby have bubbled together. She "can't get it right" because she was out twice in the day.

Makes no sense, OP. Sorry.

The joy of poetry is that it doesn’t have to make ‘sense’ in a conventional way. The mother could seem to have everything under control - stew bubbling and happy baby babbling, but still feel as though she is getting it all wrong and things are spiralling. It’s perfectly fine as it is, op. I like its ‘spareness’. And I don’t think much of the shallow feedback of your poetry group! Find another one, I would - bet their poetry all rhymes!

Same thought here!

^Baby sneezes
Mummy pleases
Daddy breezes in

So good on paper
So romantic
But so bewildering

I know nothing stays the same
But if you're willing to play the game
It's coming around again
So don't mind if I fall apart
There's more room in a broken heart

You pay the grocer
You fix the toaster
Kiss the host good-bye
Then you break a window
Burn the soufflé?
Scream the lullaby^

Tbh I like the contrast between the peaceful scene and then this impression of a mother feeling like she’s failing anyway. Often motherhood of a small baby can feel so exhausting that even when you are on top of things it feels like the next failure is just around the corner!

Or possibly the last line reads as a dark judgment from someone else; the mother has dinner on and baby is cooing but somehow it’s still not good enough for the husband.

I don't even think babbling is wrong. Stew is bubbling, baby is babbling, so from the outside looking in everything is good, under control, happy families...

But inside, she's in turmoil and feeling like she never gets it right. Mum guilt, like she should be doing more, whatever that is.

As a published author and professional writer, I think it’s rather a good little poem. Don’t take the naysayers to heart @janetscoffeepot !

ChatGPT loves it

"That's a beautiful, poetic line. It captures a moment of domestic life, with layers of meaning. The imagery of "tea time" and "stew bubbles" suggests a quiet, perhaps mundane scene, yet the phrase "baby babbles" adds a sense of life and warmth. "Mother can't get it right" introduces a note of tension, implying that amidst this calm, something feels off or unsettled."

Fuck me lol

Stew is old fashioned and nobody cooks it anymore (they do)

6 year old grandchild will get the wrong idea about what's expected of a mother (they won't)

It's a bit short (Haiku)

I like it OP and I don't think it's being critical of the mother but rather the mother thinking she can never get it right

Genuinely just read the OP and I read it as sympathetic.

In which case, why do you give a shit what your very young grandchild might make of something that clearly isn't for them? (And what made you think anyone else would give a shit what you think about what your grandchild might make of something that isn't for them?) You might as well complain that Pulp Fiction is rubbish because you wouldn't wish your four year old step-grandchild-in-law to think that guns solve all your problems.

Just wanted to say it's a very brave thing to share your writing with strangers as it is a very personal thing. And different people will interpret it in different ways according to their own experiences

Is @Unfortunatemumwriter the woman from the poetry feedback group? 😂

What were you trying to do with the poem? I find the stereotypical ‘woman with crying /babbling baby while cooking stew for everyone’ a bit irritating. In what way were you attempting to convey empathy? Why do you think she needs it?

What type of poem is this? I’m struggling to see the craft.

Yes

I cook stew once a week in the winter and call my mum mother.
Poem is fine, friend is weird.

And to pp who thinks the poem is shit, no one cares. It's not like she's expecting a Pulitzer prize.

But babbling means a happy baby, not a crying one?
No misunderstanding. It just doesn’t make sense.

Yes I thought this, too. It makes the voice in the poem very old school and kind of affected, like “watch with mother”.

Wow, I love this.

Are you a mother, op, or even a woman at all? Because if not, I can possibly see what your friend means.

It was this that made me wonder:

Look forward to hearing your thoughts ladies!

I have nothing useful to add except to beg people to learn how to spell misogynist.