My poetry feedback group think I'm a mysognyist

[janetscoffeepot]

Hello folks

So I wrote this poem:

tea time
stew bubbles
baby babbles
mother can’t get it right.

I asked a mum friend for her thoughts and she said it felt judgmental. It was intended to be sympathetic towards the mother's point of view but she thought I was criticising the mother!

Do you read it as sympathetic?

Look forward to hearing your thoughts ladies!

I like it. And read it as sympathetic. And I think given the amount of discussion it has prompted here demonstrates it's actually pretty good.

Well, Carly Simon is a very talented songwriter!

I think you need to find a new poetry group - or just leave and write your poems on your own! (I like your piece, btw, I think it's good, but what do I know?)

I like it.

The third line is a twist.... It makes me think of the complex inner world of when you're a first time mother and how that might be at odds with what others see.

For three lines it is pretty evocative.

To read it as a criticism is an unusually literal take for poetry.

Well, if the stew is bubbling, the heat needs to be turned down or it'll start sticking to the pan, so the poem makes sense.

Yes, and also how to spell you’re ( not your). I see that several people who have criticised the OP’s writing skills have made this mistake! 😆

But is this the woman from the feedback group?

I bet I could do worse.

It comes across as sympathetic to me too but the beauty of poetry is that not everybody has to agree on what it means. Interpretation is a dialogue between text and reader, and you can’t control what the reader brings to it.

Stew is bubbling so dinner has been prepared and is cooking nicely.

Baby is babbling therefore contented and talking to itself happily.

What is the mother doing wrong?

I found it a bit patronising to be honest, especially written by a man. It's the element of a man judging (whether sympathetic or not) how a woman feels. For example, most mothers, if struggling to make tea whilst dealing with a baby, don't feel as though they can't get anything right. They usually feel frustrated and would most likely think "oh FFS" or "why the fuck can't he make dinner for a change". So even if sympathetic, it's a bit patronising. Mother's don't want sympathy, they want an extra set of hands or not to be left juggling everything.

Can you decide whether you’re making a statement or asking a question?

Haven’t you read any Cormac McCarthy.