Frustrations with school - wwyd?

[whyschoolwhy]

My son goes to a school that teaches from reception to sixth form. It is rated outstanding and is known for having excellent results and instilling good behaviours from day one. DS is happy there and the teachers have done wonders with helping him settle in.

However, my gripe with the school is that they do little to nothing in the way of parental inclusion. In reception there was a nativity play, and we get to go and watch sports day each year, but that's been pretty much it in terms of opportunities for parents to see what their children are doing. At the end of each school year they do an excursion and ask for parent volunteers, but only accept around 6. And in year one my son happened to join a dance club so I was able to go and watch him do a short performance with them. Otherwise, nothing. We don't get invited to assemblies or to do any activities with the children.

I don't want to be a pain in the arse for them - I know teachers are under a lot of stress these days and have to do all sorts of paperwork and reports and other work besides teaching. But I can't help but feel they could do something? Let us join an assembly once a term? Run a Christmas craft event for parents and children? Sing some carols for us? I just feel there's such a short time that they're little and parents get the opportunity to see them in the school setting, and it bothers me that I'm missing out on these things.

I'm not really sure what to do though. I don't want to be kicking up a stink and don't know that it would achieve much anyway. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[post edited by MNHQ for privacy reasons]

There's a happy medium though isn't there, where you maybe get no more than one 'thing' per term and you're told about it at the beginning of the term.

my eldest pfb attended such a school for reception, i found it soul destroying and the rage built up until i changed towns and school. the entire family moved, dh transferred locations.
the school i chose had an open door policy, modern open concept all the classrooms faced a central open library. children left classrooms (amazingly appropriately) at will to work or read in the library (which was staffed).
parents could pop in (either planned without checking in at the desk, or simply by telling the receptionist) i read in the class, assisted teachers with art prep, assisted in the library sorting books, and then there were a team who every friday made lunch (hot dogs/hamburgers/pizza for the kids), oh and going through the lost and found and sorted through the stuff.

i was not alone or unusual. there was only one christmas play during school
time and only one sports day but parental involvement was the norm.

times have changed for security reasons but i did enjoy my children elementary experience. i would however never ever condone sending a child/grandchild to a school with high fence razor wire jail like fencing around it though.

Misunderstood. I think homework is often unnecessary, and if given should not require parental involvement, the internet or trips to the library. Some interesting topics you covered!

Well the library was close to the school and opened on a Saturday. Plenty of dc did pop in! It’s a good thing to do.

@GildedRage Where I was a governor (not a DDs school) all visitors had to sign in. All. No one wandered into classrooms due to safeguarding and safety.

I also think the best schools plan their open evenings (not during the day!) and have a diary they update. I am amazed any school just drops an open classroom event on parents. It’s poor of the leadership that there’s no planning or reasonable communication with parents in advance or no evening opportunity.

@TizerorFizz obviously a while back and yes the receptionist did keep tabs of who was in the school for fire safety. but my point is there were lots of parent volunteers in the school throughout the day doing a variety of things in various classes.
i liked feeling connected to their education and seeing what they were learning.
communication was okay.

Yes, I phrased that badly. I did very little checking on homework - and I’m a univ lecturer. Secondary School pupils should do it themselves. There’s no need for homework in primary- just reading at bedtime.

Same here - lots of exposure to museums etc - but it’s not my job to try to grapple with homework. My parents never had to do that in the 70s-80s.

@Maray1967 Mine did in the 60s. 11 plus practice. Never ending! All homework was about that. I suspect some didn’t get it though!

@Grammarnut
Thanks for your suggestions
Will get reading

Some schools do extra with regards to parental involvement, but what you’ve listed is pretty standard. Additional activities where parents are invited take a lot of planning and lessons get missed as a result. There are also those children in the school whose parents work full time and are unable to take time off work to attend these sorts of things. It is heartbreaking to watch a young child get upset because his parents couldn’t come to another activity, when his friends parents could.

@FindingNeverland28 No Christmas event for parents to be involved in or watch is not standard. Missing a few lessons for fun things such as learning songs/carols and doing some drama in the afternoon is great and
important. Of course it’s learning! It’s something lots of dc look forward to. I don’t think not doing anything is normal at all. Poor kids!

I must have missed the part about no Christmas production for parents to watch. I completely agree, that isn’t standard.

Not from my schooling nor my 2 DC schooling have I ever heard of a school that involves parents to come to school for the day/some hours. I wouldn’t mind a ‘bring your parent to school’ thing but I don’t think I could get as frustrated as you about it OP

@MusicMakesItAllBetter ok but again, is it the norm for you to not attend a Christmas play or concert at your children's schools each year?

My kids primary school has reduced parent opportunities in the last 6 years or so. There used to be assemblies where parents were invited if your child won an award, there was usually some sort of whole year group presentation to parents (Nativity in Reception/Year 1, Diwali in another year etc).

Six years on there is just the Nativity play in Reception/Year 1 and the Year 6 leavers musical. No parents invited to assemblies. Parents aren't asked to help on trips either. The kids do still do a Diwali presentation but parents aren't invited to see it, it's just shown to the whole school instead. Trips still happen (and lots of them) but no parent helpers.

I wonder if it's to do with DBS and the pain in the arse it is to have non-DBS checked adults in school or on trips?

My situation is that I do go, yes.
When I worked ft, if the employer allowed me to make the time up then I’d go although there have been times where I had to miss it.

I think I get where you’re coming from. I’d love to sit in my daughters class and watch her and the kids while they learn but it’s not something that I’ve ever known to happen in any school

@MusicMakesItAllBetter sorry I misphrased my previous post. I didn't mean to ask whether you could attend, I meant do the schools at least run Christmas plays every year. Because my sons doesn't.

I'm not particularly asking to go into the classroom per se. I was just giving examples of the things that I know other schools do and that we get none of. The Christmas craft thing I mentioned because whilst I get that putting on a performance requires planning and rehearsals, getting parents in to do crafts with their kids doesn't (or at least not much).

Getting parents into the classroom for e.g. a craft event takes a massive amount of planning and setting up.

my dc moved school to one that had head teachers award, parents invited, every Friday
but it was a smaller school

they normally do harvest festival also

@whyschoolwhy At infants, we made costumes for the Christmas play. My friend ran a costume making session at a prep school her dc attended. At a state school we were just told the character dc was going to be. There were back stage mum helpers. Depends on school as to whether this type of involvement is normalized.

Where I was a governor, dc read Christmas poems, sang, and worked their way through a Christmas story. They didn’t use many costumes but looking festive was encouraged. The dc got a lot out of it and parents loved it. We all recognise it’s hard work but doing nothing short-changes dc. At my DDs CofE school it was 2 services in the church. Y3/4 and y5/6. Dc did similar and used the stage and lighting at the church. It was lovely and, again, parents loved it. It’s one of the best things to do to link school to parents.

I assume this is a private school? If it is, I don't think that is a normal amount of parental involvement.

This term we have had or will have:

Induction evening where we came in to the school in the evening to meet the class teachers.

An English and maths evening to show how they teach them.

A Grandparents day

Year 3 & 4 showcase afternoon for you to look at your children's work

Harvest Festival Assembly for parents

Science Fayre where parents can come and see the children's projects

A class assembly

A music and theatre evening for parents whose children do additional music and LAMDA lessons.

A Christmas Carol service in the Cathedral.

@Sdpbody no it's not private.

@Grammarnut does it though...?

Ok I'm being a bit facetious. My point was it takes less planning and prep than putting on a play or carol concert.

Actually I have been into primary schools to do crafts myself before - not as a parent but for work-related reasons. The school didn't need to do any prep on those occasions, though in the circumstances I'm suggesting they may need to get in the craft supplies, which they could ask the parents to pay for. And as long as the parents going in are not going to be alone with the children at any point, there surely doesn't need to be a DBS check - there hasn't been when I've done it for work. So the school needs to set aside a time, decide what craft it will be, and set the tables out with the craft materials. That doesn't sound like a massive undertaking to me. In fact they already do crafts with the children so it's just creating space for the parents.

Thing is, you never know what someone’s ‘preferences’ might be and opportunists will always take their chance. Doesn’t have to be physical right there and then…
Thats why checks have to be made.