Frustrations with school - wwyd?

[whyschoolwhy]

My son goes to a school that teaches from reception to sixth form. It is rated outstanding and is known for having excellent results and instilling good behaviours from day one. DS is happy there and the teachers have done wonders with helping him settle in.

However, my gripe with the school is that they do little to nothing in the way of parental inclusion. In reception there was a nativity play, and we get to go and watch sports day each year, but that's been pretty much it in terms of opportunities for parents to see what their children are doing. At the end of each school year they do an excursion and ask for parent volunteers, but only accept around 6. And in year one my son happened to join a dance club so I was able to go and watch him do a short performance with them. Otherwise, nothing. We don't get invited to assemblies or to do any activities with the children.

I don't want to be a pain in the arse for them - I know teachers are under a lot of stress these days and have to do all sorts of paperwork and reports and other work besides teaching. But I can't help but feel they could do something? Let us join an assembly once a term? Run a Christmas craft event for parents and children? Sing some carols for us? I just feel there's such a short time that they're little and parents get the opportunity to see them in the school setting, and it bothers me that I'm missing out on these things.

I'm not really sure what to do though. I don't want to be kicking up a stink and don't know that it would achieve much anyway. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[post edited by MNHQ for privacy reasons]

I think it’s highly unusual not to invite parents in at least once a year.

our school is pretty hostile to parents & we have harvest festival, Christmas nativity depending on age group, and open afternoon to look at the kids books with them.

If you want to see your child doing performances, maybe just get them in a drama/performing arts/music school. You will get your share of concerts to attend

Alternatively, join scouts/beavers/cubs and volunteer actively as a parent or leader. You will definitely be able to fill your boots there.

It doesn't sound normal to me. OK, not the Christmas craft session, but when my children were in primary they ran at least one class assembly per year to which parents were invited, and we were also invited to carol services, school concerts etc.

We used to do a class assemblies where we would invite parents in, had to stop after loads of complaints about how we were 'excluding' working parents.
Schools can't win!

Tbf OP our school does a lot more than that. Craft afternoons with parents, reading afternoons where you can read to your own child (and usually others if their friends parents are working!), a phonics lesson to watch so we can see how it’s taught, nativity, regular assemblies for parents etc etc. They even invited us in for wine with the teachers at the end of year 6!

I understand that teachers are very stretched, but your experience is definitely not mine in a very average area state school. I would imagine there’s a huge spectrum of what is normal though!

Those kind of nice events all run by the PTA here. Perhaps get involved and ask to run a parent and child craft event. Our PTA does loads but we don't expect teachers to do more than allow us to use the building (caretaker locks up). We are always really careful to clean up afterwards, manage the coms, make clear the school office aren't the link point. They are overrun with work that is their job so we do have to be sensitive to that. Some teachers join with their own children and we always express how lovely it is to see them and that we don't have any expectations on them.

We have a christjingle and a sports day in summer. That's it. Dd is in the school band so i am also invited once per term to watch her play. Most parents work nowadays and staff shouldn't be expected to do even more overtime just to placate working parents with an evening craft session etc which they can do at home. And it's upsetting for the kids whose parents can't make it.

I think this all sounds just fine. There is a bit more involvement in the local primary school here as it is very small and in a rural setting and they rely on parental and community input. But mine have been to other bigger schools as well and the level of involvement you are describing is normal I would say. Be happy that your child is happy. I have been in the situation where a child was not happy at school and it is true that a family is only as happy as its unhappiest child. I think you should count your blessings!

many events that we attend at our school are organised by the pta not the school so bear that in mind
it sounds a bit rubbish but not terrible. Our primary school do roughly 3/4 performance type things for us to go and see each year. Secondary almost none. If it’s an all through school (unusual unless private?) I suppose it could have more of a secondary mentality

My DC primary have lots going on that parents attend, it's a ball ache & im a SAHM.
There's a Xmas performance of some kind every year, sports day & in year R nursery rhymes performances. Meet your child's teachers after school every year. Other years there's the ukulele, keyboard, poems & I can't remember plus at least once every half term you go in 30 mins before the end of the day to see some project your child has worked on.
Before Covid there were multiple award assembly's every month but they've put a stop to that now.
There's a lot that family's where both parents work have to juggle or miss out on.
The PTA is probably where you can get more input/involvement in your child's school.

I think that this is a really low level of parental engagement, especially at primary level and I don't think that this is or should be seen as normal.
I had a very similar issue with my child's last school which had less than 100 pupils, so it's not exclusive to large schools either. We felt like we couldn't relate to what our children could tell us about school because we barely saw inside the building, barely knew the teachers, never saw how pupils interacted. It was a major factor in moving schools because we had previously been at another school before moving house where we felt part of the school community. Changing schools has been like night and day. We feel like part of a school again, and I am sure that it helps the pupils and the teachers because parents are more invested. And anyone that thinks that doing a craft in school is a waste of time is missing the point. The 'learn with us session' for my daughter this term was doing some watercolours. The art was nice, but it was about sitting with other parents, chatting to the teachers, looking at the pupil work on the walls... it's more than an hour of crafting.
It's not just parents as well, our school attends the local remembrance parade, the shopping centre carols, I think that children should see the outside world and feel connected to it.

Our primary school went through a period of inviting parents to school services. A few parents who worked part-time could go, others sent grandparents and then those who worked full-time had another thing to feel guilty about.

This is exactly what I came on to say - so heartbreaking!

Mine go to a village school. Parents can attend:

Nativity every year
Sports Day
Church services - Christmas/May/End of Summer term/Harvest
Reading sessions
Activity days (they get dressed up to learn a project topic etc and we go in for cake & to find out what they’ve been doing)
Parents nights where we can look at their work
Curriculum updates
Stay and play for pre-R and R
May Day celebration
Mixed sports events with other schools
Christmas craft session
Nurse visits where you can discuss SEN issues, medical things, parenting questions etc.

PTA does:
Film nights
Discos - Valentines/Leavers/Halloween/Christmas
Christmas Fayre
Weekly raffle

Some events take place during the day and others take place in the evening (eg
afternoon & evening nativity performances).
If we’ve got an event on, parents are welcome to attend. They do all that while providing excellent teaching. We’ve got a new PTA who do an incredible job and raise a huge amount for a small school. As we’re a small school we know everyone so if a parent can’t come in, there’s always a substitute parent on hand to draw a picture etc.

You can be as involved or as uninvolved as you want.

My kids school do lots of things to involve family, lots of the parents complain about these things being during work hours and attendance is poor. You can't please everyone, if your son is happy there, let it go.

Get involved in the PTA. I completely understand why involving parents in normal day to day activities like assemblies is not offered, but PTAs can organise Christmas events, summer fairs etc.

At our school there us a Christmas show and sports day and once we had a harvest or something show, can't quite remember. But what your school does sounds similar. I would also advise getting involved with the PTFA as they might need helpers at fund raising events and this helps you feel more like part of the school community.

That sounds amazing. I work full time with 3dc and parental school events are a guilt filled nightmare.

My daughter's schools (now 16) were the same (and due to moving she attended 3 primary schools). It didn't occur to me I was missing out. I was grateful I didn't have to take time off work/ and endure these events 😬😂 I prefer what I organise for my child than those cheap busy events....

It sounds unusual, particularly up to and including Yr6. I think the current Ofsted framework does look at stakeholder engagement, and it sounds like an area they could do with developing.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I’d try emailing the head again. If the Head’s reply is particularly dismissive you could ask them to reconsider under stage one of the Complaints Policy (check it but there is usually an informal stage) before escalating to a formal complaint. Hopefully that wouldn’t be necessary though!

There are loads of benefits to engaging parents in their children’s education. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable ask as long as it’s handled well.

That sounds rubbish but probably works well if the majority of parents work

At our primary we were invited in for:
class assembly one a term
2 parents evenings a year
Christmas show - often not a nativity
sports Day
End of year music show

The PTA would run:
summer fayre
Christmas fayre
various film nights and disco (Santes Dwynwen, Halloween etc) - being a member meant attendance at regular meetings and supporting at the event so more contact with school. It did not mean saved seats at any events!

They always needed parent helpers on trips - I worked flexibly so often did this.

I was also a parent governor for 4 years giving a more behind the scenes view of what was going on and opportunities to formally raise issues .

Our primary school had lots of opportunities so it's not 'normal' in my experience. Weekly reading club, assemblies with presentations from the children on the topics they were doing, helping in the school veg patch for gardening club, seasonal concerts, music evening, being involved in sports events.
Then obviously secondary it fades off.

And I go into primary schools regularly and they have parent involvement too.

I wonder if the school culture is different with it being 4-18yrs?

Ha! Well that says it all about your attitude I’m afraid. You want to “engage with school life” but solely to the benefit of your child?