Should I have assumed he has turned it off?

[ThisBrownieIsRubbish]

Dh has been mithering about not turning the heating on, and finally cracked yesterday and put it on as he had been working from home and was cold.
So this morning I am home, take him to work, kids to school. I am freezing, but assume I am just cold as I am in and out of the heated car. Take dd to appointment, do shopping. At 4pm wonder why I am still cold. Dh has turned the heating off!!
I ask why. He says that we were in bed and toasty. Yes, that was last night. I said he should have said something considering he knows I was home today. If he was cold yesterday then I would be today? He said he forgot as was getting busy for work - in the snow, should have though oh it's cold, I turned the heating off!? - and assumed I would check it - why would I if he told me he had turned it on?

Am I overthinking this? I accept I may be being ridiculous but i am cold! (Now out at DD sport in the cold!)

Thermostat and timed controller surely? No one needs to switch anything on or off now we are properly in winter mode!

Just set the thermostat

Well… that man certainly felt the cold enough yesterday to put it on!!

@ThisBrownieIsRubbish I can see why your autism means you didn’t even think to look abd put it on. You’ve been told you CANNOT put the heating on after all.

Having said that, it’s totally unfair. It’s one rule for him (heating on ok if he is at home) and another fir you (heating off when you’re at home)
You need a serious chat.
I would also invest in a proper timer. One that puts the heating on when the temperature is below a certain level (you should be able to have different times slots with different temp. For example ours will say heating in if temp below 19oC between 7.00am and the 8.00am, then below 15oC between 8.00am and 3.00pm, 19oC from 3.00pm till 6.00pm I think)
then there is no discussion (and no fiddling g allowed!!)

Just put it on when you want it on.. don’t get up with cold clothes in the morning.thats. ridiculous.. you’re an adult he’s not in charge of you or the heating.

Could you just turn it on, or check it if your were really cold?
I have a gas fire that I find a nightmare to turn on, so I get a bit annoyed if he turns it off and doesn't turn it back on again before he leaves..guess it depends how easily accessible it is to work your heating

Can someone explain to me the English obsession the heat off and on? Overall it costs more restart a cold heating unit (heating, the floors, walls, furniture) than simply keeping it on an low level.

I can't believe people actually live like this

Surely you can just touch a radiator to know if heating is on or off? Why would he need to tell you it was off?

@OhcantthInkofaname
i think the theory is that for some modern boilers/some houses it’s more efficient and economical to keep it at a reasonable level all the time. Rather than on/off all the time. So in my 4 bed semi I have it around 20 in the day (for quite long hours as DH is up at 6 and I’m often not back from work till 11pm) we have it 17 at night.

other people who (for whatever reasons, sometimes cost) are very fixed in when they have the heating on. So of course if the rigid routine is only 1 hour in the morning and 3 hours in the evening (for example) - regardless of comfort levels, outside temperatures etc - that’s cheaper than what I do. But it means people will be chilly a lot if it’s cold weather as their house might not get above 16 (for example) in those restricted hours - it temperature was only 13 all day in an unheated house.

for some people it’s undoubtedly cost. For others trying to save energy. For others I don’t know what it is all this can’t switch it on till December can’t have it on after March, don’t turn it above 15 or whatever restrictions they have…

I don’t think it’s great for the house having it damp. Also I think people end up
doing more washing which in turn doesn’t dry properly. ( towels hang about damply in the bathroom so need washing)

I don't think you are stupid at all but I do think that you are being conditioned to think your needs don't matter. This has nothing to do with your autism. 20 years of being conditioned and you believe it. Initially it sounded like a silly non issue but by the end it sounded abusive. It was a non issue to those of us who would feel able to make a decision to turn on the heating because we are cold. I may be way off the mark here and only you will know if I am.

It’s -4 here! Absolutely Baltic. You need to take over control of the heating. It’s miserable being cold.

Just turn it on yourself? It's really not a big deal?

Why didnt you just turn it on yourself ?

Life really is too short to be stressing about this. Letting your home get freezing cold down to the point that clothing feels damp (FFS) is false economy. It's not good for you health, it's not good for your home and it costs more to get your house up to a decent temperature when you do want to be warm.

Just set your heating to come on if the temperature drops below, say, 20 degrees during the day, then have a lower setting during the night. Job done.

Having said that I simply couldn't share my life with someone who had such a miserly attitude towards comfort and life in general. Like I said, life is too short.

Unless you really can't afford it, if start to feel really cold put it on. Have to say, I'd have been well aware if the heating was on, I can hear the boiler, sometimes pipes creaking and I notice if walking past.

This drives me insane, I don't understand people who turn heating on and off on a daily basis, in our house once it's on it stays on!
We might turn it down low if the weather is unseasonably mild one day, but we don't turn it off again until spring.

It surely costs more to heat a house from cold that it does to keep it at a constant temperature. I go in some houses and their radiators are so hot I can barely touch them as they desperately try to heat up a cold house, ours never have to be more than warm and our house is lovely day and night.
I just don't get the mentality of freeze or boil.

To be fair, it depends on your heating system. My previous one was really basic, either on or off on a timer. No thermostat except on the boiler itself. No option to set a minimum temperature for the heating to kick in at etc.

Same as ours. Very basic, turn it on, turn it up or down, no temperature shown. Thermostat dials on each radiator, again no temperatures shown.
We just have each radiator at a comfort level we're happy with, and if the weather outside changes significantly, we'll change the boiler temperature up or down slightly. The boiler temperature dial is never more than a third round, whatever that would equate to.

Why didn't you just go look? Many people turn it off overnight and if he was busy getting ready for work might not have thought of it the next morning (though why don't you have it on a timer so you aren't all freezing getting out of bed)?
Just set it at a minimum so it will click on automatically. Non issue really.

I'm not allowed, I'm not allowed.

You ARE allowed.