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Original poster

Should I have assumed he has turned it off?

146 replies

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:28

Dh has been mithering about not turning the heating on, and finally cracked yesterday and put it on as he had been working from home and was cold.
So this morning I am home, take him to work, kids to school. I am freezing, but assume I am just cold as I am in and out of the heated car. Take dd to appointment, do shopping. At 4pm wonder why I am still cold. Dh has turned the heating off!!
I ask why. He says that we were in bed and toasty. Yes, that was last night. I said he should have said something considering he knows I was home today. If he was cold yesterday then I would be today? He said he forgot as was getting busy for work - in the snow, should have though oh it's cold, I turned the heating off!? - and assumed I would check it - why would I if he told me he had turned it on?

Am I overthinking this? I accept I may be being ridiculous but i am cold! (Now out at DD sport in the cold!)

OP posts:
Pumpkincozynights · 19/11/2024 19:43

He is controlling op?

CaptainMyCaptain · 19/11/2024 19:46

YellowDaffodilRedTulip · 19/11/2024 18:30

This is such a non issue it’s ridiculous

This.

JawsCushion · 19/11/2024 19:48

It's not a non issue when her clothes are damp as they have to be near the window and she's not allowed to have the heating on.

Nanny0gg · 19/11/2024 19:48

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:49

I won't turn it on before it has been on, no. He was saying he would go into work rather than work from home to prevent turning it on. Now it's been on, I can. Once it's "off off" at the end of the season then it won't go on again.

Why?

Why is he in charge?

allmyliesaretrue · 19/11/2024 19:49

I'm capable of turning the heat on and off all by myself if I need to.

I wouldn't be kowtowing to my husband whether I could have it on or off.

Do you have a separate income? If so, put the gas/oil bill in your name and take control of the cost! Let tight arse do one!

Havalona · 19/11/2024 19:50

I think there's more than heating issues going on here.

AutumnLeaves24 · 19/11/2024 19:52

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:38

I wasn't to turn it on before he said, no. I had mentioned my clothes previously and it still wasn't to be turned on. Apparently it wasn't an issue with his clothes on the other side of the room away from the window

THIS is the problem, why are you allowing him to tell you when you can put the heating on?

Could you have put it on (physically) today if you had wanted to or has he got it on an app or something you can't override?

what else does he tell you that you can/can't do?

allmyliesaretrue · 19/11/2024 19:54

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:49

I won't turn it on before it has been on, no. He was saying he would go into work rather than work from home to prevent turning it on. Now it's been on, I can. Once it's "off off" at the end of the season then it won't go on again.

That's utterly batshit. Most people use the heat relative to the temperature outside. So he can go into work to stay warm and you have to suffer the cold at home?

Why is he the arbiter of temperature in your home? I had the heat on a few times in August!

Is he like this in any other aspect of your life, because frankly that is deeply concerning and very bizarre?

PCOSisaid · 19/11/2024 19:55

He turned it on yesterday, why on earth wouldn’t you check it was on if you was cold. A quick walk past a cold radiator would be a massive give away.

Pop it on a thermostatic reading, so it comes on if the house gets below 16-18 degrees and pop a jumper on. I live in a house over a 100 years old with single glazing and 4 floors, and we cope with the heating in 16 degrees all year round.

SapphireOpal · 19/11/2024 19:57

With the cold clothes thing why didn't you say no, actually - I'm getting really cold and it's unpleasant. I'm going to turn the heating on.

What would he have said/done if you'd done that?

Either he is controlling or he just doesn't feel the cold as much as you do but it's hard to tell which...

Allthehorsesintheworld · 19/11/2024 19:58

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:49

I won't turn it on before it has been on, no. He was saying he would go into work rather than work from home to prevent turning it on. Now it's been on, I can. Once it's "off off" at the end of the season then it won't go on again.

He sounds very rigid in his rules.
Does he dictate other issues in your home? Surely you’re supposed to be equal partners.

Skybluepinky · 19/11/2024 20:00

R u incapable of turning the heating on, how ridiculous.

VivianLea · 19/11/2024 20:01

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:49

I won't turn it on before it has been on, no. He was saying he would go into work rather than work from home to prevent turning it on. Now it's been on, I can. Once it's "off off" at the end of the season then it won't go on again.

Why are you not allowed to turn the heating on in your own home, OP?

tpeas · 19/11/2024 20:01

I find it so funny people have these wars about heating. I have colleagues who earn double what I do and are still stingy as hell with heating. Like, you'll buy loads of crap but let your family go cold? OP, assuming you're not completely broke you should definitely be having the heating on at this time of year. Can you work with your partner on a sensible schedule? E.g. during the workweek we have the heating on only 7-8:45 and 17:00-21:45. Means we're never cold and don't spend too much.

Cherrysoup · 19/11/2024 20:02

What’s the backstory, OP?

Pennyduke564 · 19/11/2024 20:03

It sounds like your husband is controlling you because he is aloud to have it on when it sots him but when you want it on he says no

AutumnLeaves24 · 19/11/2024 20:05

ThisBrownieIsRubbish · 19/11/2024 18:47

I wasn't sitting all day fuming. I didn't say that? I was in and out all day and assumed I was cold because of the car. It was only once I had sat down folding the washing and stopped moving that I realized the house was cold.

I just wanted to see if others would have mentioned to their spouse they had turned the heating off.

I do know where the switch is. And I turned it on.

I live alone & having 100% control of the heating is bliss. So are many other things, it might be something you should look into, he sounds enormously controlling & uncaring.

but when I didn't live on my own we simply set the heating to 'auto' with various settings we thought would work for us both & when we found they didn't (regularly) we just adjusted them. In the meantime we just either 'boost' for a period of time or manually turned the temp up/down. It was more usually in my favour as I can't stand to be too warm (& he was happy to put on warmer clothes)

but until summer it was never 'off' just set to come on at certain times or temperatures. I just found it easier with our thermostat to turn it off completely in summer as it was never going to be needed!!

but this really isn't about you heating system!!

Wolframandhart · 19/11/2024 20:10

Not sure why you are getting such a hard time here. He turned the heating on because he was cold. He turned it off because he wasn't at home and you being cold didnt occur to him. You sont feel like you can turn it on. Your kids are probably also cold.

what would happen if you just switched it on?

Deja321 · 19/11/2024 20:13

I always turn my heating down at night then on again in the day when needed. I wouldn't necessarily expect him to tell you it's been turned off but I don't think its fair that only he can decide when the heating goes on. If you're at home freezing you should be allowed to put the heating on. Ive had mine on for a while now, plus if I don't I start to get mould. I worry about the cost but keep an eye on the smart metre.

AutumnLeaves24 · 19/11/2024 20:19

RosieLeaf · 19/11/2024 18:55

Why are there so many issues with couples and heating?

I couldn’t live with someone who was miserly with the heating, but if I did, I’d put it on myself.

@RosieLeaf

I think in healthy relationships it's because people can have vastly different 'comfortable' temperatures. I run very hot & find many people's homes far too hot, I put my heating on & up when I know they're coming, but if they pop in I know they'll find it cold until the heating kicks in (which I turn up as soon as they arrive). Living with someone who likes it like a sauna is hell for me, so if they couldn't live with it cooler it would be a bone of contention.

Also the price of it for many, if they won't put a jumper & some socks on, just want it heated to shorts & t shirt temperature, it can cause arguments especially if money is tight.

but in unhealthy households, it's mostly about control.

it sounds, in this case like he's controlling, BUT maybe he's worried about their finances & the the OP isn't terribly aware of the cost of things, so it's easier to ask her not to do certain things without asking. 🤷🏻‍♀️or maybe they've misinterpreted what he said (if he said anything) like let's not put the heating on yet, hold out for as long as possible.

she doesn't feel she could have put it on until he did, he did yesterday, now she feels she can sounds like she's been controlled for so long it's ingrained in her way of thinking, but that could be by parents or previous partners.

Dishwashersaurous · 19/11/2024 20:22

Why are you not allowed to turn the heating on in your own home?

Just turn it on when you want it on

Weefox · 19/11/2024 20:23

Another opinion is to wear warmer clothes - a vest works wonders, even better one of those gilets you can heat.

Fuel bills are very high at the moment so we need to monitor our heating habits.
.

MammaGisAF · 19/11/2024 20:25

What you need is a heated airer for your clothes only.

I think it was mean to switch it off because he wouldn’t be there to benefit, even though he knew you would be in a cold house all day. Feels like he doesn’t care about you which isn’t a nice feeling. Or if it’s a financial thing, he doesn’t mind paying so he isn’t cold but won’t pay so that you aren’t. Mean.

Tumbleweed101 · 19/11/2024 20:28

I always turn the thermostat down when everyone is up and out for the day but my children know first one in turns it up to 20C to warm house up again for the evening when it's as cold as it is now. If anyone is home they just turn it on as they need to. I'm quite glad.im single sometimes and I'm in charge of the house!

Lifeomars · 19/11/2024 20:29

Is it not on a timer? I live alone so it is up to me when the heating comes on and off. It is set to come on for an hour in the morning so I get up to a warm house. In the good old days before heating became a luxury item mine was then timed to come on from 5pm - 9pm. If it was cold in the daytime when I was at home I would use the boost button which makes it come on for an hour and then turns itself off. Nowadays as it is so expensive I have reset the timer so it only comes on from 5pm - 6pm but if it is really cold as it has been today I will use the boost button in the evening so I have an additional hour's warmth.

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