Should I have assumed he has turned it off?

[ThisBrownieIsRubbish]

Dh has been mithering about not turning the heating on, and finally cracked yesterday and put it on as he had been working from home and was cold.
So this morning I am home, take him to work, kids to school. I am freezing, but assume I am just cold as I am in and out of the heated car. Take dd to appointment, do shopping. At 4pm wonder why I am still cold. Dh has turned the heating off!!
I ask why. He says that we were in bed and toasty. Yes, that was last night. I said he should have said something considering he knows I was home today. If he was cold yesterday then I would be today? He said he forgot as was getting busy for work - in the snow, should have though oh it's cold, I turned the heating off!? - and assumed I would check it - why would I if he told me he had turned it on?

Am I overthinking this? I accept I may be being ridiculous but i am cold! (Now out at DD sport in the cold!)

If I'm cold I turn my heating up. Nothing to do with dp. I also turn it back down again.

Is it that you don’t know where the ‘on’ switch is? I cannot imagine sitting there all day fuming because I was cold

Why does he control the heating? It seems like it's him making the decision whether it's off or on and, as you're saying there's a huge backstory, I'm wondering what else he's controlling...

It doesn't sound very healthy...

Are you allowed to turn the heating on without his say so?

I wasn't sitting all day fuming. I didn't say that? I was in and out all day and assumed I was cold because of the car. It was only once I had sat down folding the washing and stopped moving that I realized the house was cold.

I just wanted to see if others would have mentioned to their spouse they had turned the heating off.

I do know where the switch is. And I turned it on.

I won't turn it on before it has been on, no. He was saying he would go into work rather than work from home to prevent turning it on. Now it's been on, I can. Once it's "off off" at the end of the season then it won't go on again.

No we wouldn't have mentioned it to each other. Ours is turned off until someone switches it on.

Why not? You and your partner are equals in your relationship why do you need his permission and why does he get to decide when it goes on? You realise that's not how normal relationships work right?

This sounds like a form of financial abuse.

Who made him the boss of heating?

Do you ever ask yourself why he should be the one making these decisions? You're an adult and should have equal say in decisions. What does he do if you dont do as he says?

Seems ridiculous, have the thermostat set at X during the day and it goes off overnight.

🤷🏽‍♀️

Fair enough OP, but I wouldn’t have mentioned it to my DH, I would just have turned it on - as you did

If has decreed that he's the only one "allowed" to make decisions regarding the heating, and he's decided that it's only worth putting it on on the days he's at home and not the days you're at home, then he's a total knobhead.

If he just forgot to put it on in the morning, and it didn't occur to you to check a radiator/the heating panel even though you were uncomfortably cold, and you're trying to make out that's somehow his fault, then you're being ridiculous.

Why are there so many issues with couples and heating?

I couldn’t live with someone who was miserly with the heating, but if I did, I’d put it on myself.

See, it makes sense to me only to put it on once I notice I'm feeling cold. I'd consider it wasteful to leave it on for hours whilst you were in and out of the car. I suppose it depends how long it takes your house to warm up etc.

Why Is he so tight with the heating?
Is he tight in other ways?

Why don't people use the thermostatic timer controller that comes with the boiler instead of manually turning it on and off the way the OP's husband does? You programme it once to have a comfortable temperature by day and a lower temperature at night and then forget about it. You can even programme it to come on in the morning before the first person gets up.

ETA: I just read OP's last post. He's doing it as a form of control.

No. I assume he works out on his own.

Money. Cost of living is my guess.

Definitely over thinking

LTB. It's a symptom of coercive control that you don't feel able to put the heating on without some form of permission from him.

Is he abusive to you OP?

I get up in the cold, my clothes are so cold they feel damp in the morning

Ok this is weird. Why are you doing this? Why not simply use the heating?

Is this the first time one of you has either turned the heating on or off at a time slightly unsuitable for the other person?
I find that hard to believe unless you only moved in together in August.
Just turn the bloody thing back on. Why did you not just immediately check if it was on or not when you clearly felt cold? It's your house too. Unless you literally can't feed yourselves or afford the mortgage if you have it on obviously.
Also maybe buy a couple of electric blankets? To keep the heating bill reasonable?

Sorry ignore my post I see he is boss and you need to do as you are told.

Fix that or don't, it it's nothing to do with your hearing

Lots of things cost money, but heating seems to be a source of control.