Should I have assumed he has turned it off?

[ThisBrownieIsRubbish]

Dh has been mithering about not turning the heating on, and finally cracked yesterday and put it on as he had been working from home and was cold.
So this morning I am home, take him to work, kids to school. I am freezing, but assume I am just cold as I am in and out of the heated car. Take dd to appointment, do shopping. At 4pm wonder why I am still cold. Dh has turned the heating off!!
I ask why. He says that we were in bed and toasty. Yes, that was last night. I said he should have said something considering he knows I was home today. If he was cold yesterday then I would be today? He said he forgot as was getting busy for work - in the snow, should have though oh it's cold, I turned the heating off!? - and assumed I would check it - why would I if he told me he had turned it on?

Am I overthinking this? I accept I may be being ridiculous but i am cold! (Now out at DD sport in the cold!)

Ffs woman. Grow a backbone and don’t live in misery. It’s bloody freezing.

If your cold as an adult you look at the heating if wrapping up doesn't work....or is it something you see as a man's job?

Tbf if you were in and out all day you didn't need it on until you got home and then you put it on. So it's okay?

Sounds like it's the straw to me.

Our heating is always off overnight. Its on a timer with a thermostat so it goes on am and pm and I can boost it during the day if I feel cold. It was 15⁰C in the house today so I did boost it earlier. Thermostat is only around 17⁰C just now.

Sometimes it is the other way round! My husband was under a blanket last night with a t shirt and jumper on and moaning it was cold. I, on the other hand, was in a t shirt and perfectly warm!

God I couldn't be doing with turning it on and off all the time, just stick it on a schedule. It'll be freezing when you get up otherwise.

Oh give it a rest all of you posting 'don't you know how to turn it on yourself?' posts. As if you couldn't guess there would be something behind it. OP that's shitty on his part. He knows you won't want to break his stupid heating rules. Plan to be in control of your own heating by the time it gets cold next winter.

I would assume heating is off overnight.

Heating management gets left to me so it's hard to understand being cold at home and not checking the heating.

I'd say you should take more control if you're cold

Honestly if I was cold and I assumed the heating was on I would think i was coming down with a sickness bug (I frequently "freeze" when I'm ill) and I would just carry on with my day

Why is he the boss of the heating?!!! If you’re cold, you’re cold, and the heating goes on. I couldn’t live with being cold and another person not allowing the heating on!!

Why would you not turn it on before he has turned it on? What would happen if you turned it on first once we get to autumn/ winter instead of waiting for him to dictate when it can come on?

As this seems to be a theme, is he as tight as a gnats chuff or are you skint?

When there's snow on the ground the heating goes on and he can get stuffed for being unreasonable..

Our heating comes on in the morning for an hour and on again in the evening for approx 4 to 5 hours. Dh put the booster on on Sunday morning as he was cold and getting over a cold and had a bad cough. No big deal. If I was cold I would just put it on for a couple of hours no discussion necessary.

That's the whole point. He can be warm but he doesn't think you can. Or else he is just not thinking in which case he is stupid. Or doesn't consider others in which case he's selfish.

@ThisBrownieIsRubbish he was ooo to turn it off knowing you would be at home and cold weather was forecast. What a selfish twit.

Hope his penny pinching ways apply to his own direct spending and not just you and kids needing a warm home!

It sounds like he is the one on contoepmof the heating . You aren’t allowed to put it on unless he says so.
Is the back story selfish and controling on his part ?
Do you have access to heating ?
I cannot stand the cold I would be warm in my home with dry warm clothes before a days work.
Maybe it is best for more understanding advice that you say what is the real issue in the marriage. .

I wouldn’t expect my DH to tell me he’d turned the heating off.
You noticed you were cold so you switched the heating on… that should be the end of it surely? Absolute non issue.

It's freezing. Turn the heating on. Sorted.

I agree !

What the actual... I'm half crying half laughing this is so absurd op. Who on earth asks their partner or anyone else whether they can out the heating on in a house. Dp is at work. Ur cold, press the button. Why have you turned this into such a big thing by raising it with dp even.. the dependency levels are extremely unhealthy here.

It is odd. And it won't be doing the fabric of the house any good, either.

What?

Are you worried about his reaction if you were to turn it on op?

If the answer is in any way yes, then you have a problem. It CANNOT be ok for him to have the heating on but not you. This is a worrying sign of control, which is a form of domestic abuse. Are you afraid of his reaction to any other choices you want to make?

Also - my dh is a big fan of gizmos around the house, but I do know how to work them all. I don't have any concerns about putting the heating on if I'm cold.

Do you have access to the heating controls?

Unless there's an element of coercive control here OP. That's actually more worrying. Is this the only thing you have to seek permission on, are there other things if so what? If there is a pattern please seek help.

And you accept this?