Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

Of course you need to provide food.

If you can't afford to do both food and entertainment, then you need to change your expectations (smaller venue, get a friend to do the music for cheap etc).

@Dawevi totally understand that you want to have a party but worried about the costs if you factor in food too as that’s not cheap.

What about a “Jacob Join”? This is a party where you ask everyone to bring food to share.

We did this for my DH Birthday earlier this year, and it worked really well. We made it clear that if people would struggle to bring food then not to worry either. We had more than enough food. I brought a selection of food too, but within a budget.

We had so many people tell us it was a great idea, as it meant there was a real mix of food for everyone to enjoy.

Have been to many parties like this including a couple of weddings.

Alternatively if you decide to go down the nibbles route then this is equally fine as long as you make it clear on the invite that it’s just nibbles and nothing else.

In all honesty it’s not worth stretching yourself financially for what is a few hours of folk getting together. Those who really care about your family, will totally understand if you cannot afford to put on a big spread. It’s about celebrating the Birthday person not about the food.

Whatever you decide, hope the party goes well.

God what is this obsession with food at that time of the evening.

Likewise I don’t understand the obsession with alcohol and I don’t drink but I appreciate that most people like it so if I hosted a party I’d offer it no matter how much I dislike alcohol and the drinking culture here. (I don’t have any religious beliefs against it or alcohol issues so I’d feel able to offer it) A party should also be about making your guests comfortable and content not just about what the host wants.

I rarely comment on Mumsnet's posts, but I feel so strongly about this that here I'll make an exception: YES! You absolutely should provide food. It's a party - guests must be fed!

I think the food is mostly there for people to have something to do with their hands, other than pouring alcohol down their necks.

It's good for the lulls and to give people a reason to move round the room and mix, and something to do if they're not ready to dance or want an excuse not to.

It doesn't have to be fully catered, but it's nice to have something available.

I’m slightly baffled by the responses. A party from 8pm just needs a few bowls of crisps and maybe some dips. No need for “catering” just drinks and nibbles. The suggestion that poor people shouldn’t have parties because they can’t afford to provide fun catering is utterly bonkers.

As others have said, if it is clearly signposted that a full on spread of food is NOT on the menu (ahem), then it's probably OK.

However, if it's a big celebration of for instance, a roundy birthday or something, then I think I'd expect something to graze at!

So if you are not providing ANY food at all, then the invite should say something like "We'd be delighted if you could join us for drinks at X pub from 8-11 to celebrate Jon/Jane's 40th." No music, no special bits and pieces just a get together at the pub, with maybe a birthday cake and blowing out of the candles.

I wouldn't expect food at a pub get together at all really, but if you are supplying a DJ and balloons and all the rest of it, then I'd expect finger food at least, and you could say that too (drinks and finger food).

Half in half out won't work I don't think, and people will talk about you afterwards for being a tightwad!!

I went to a party last night where we had to put our pasty order in beforehand. The pasties didn't turn up and people left early as they went off to get food. There were sandwiches and crisps but as the pasties were supposed to be the main food, it wasn't enough. Felt sorry for the host but people need to eat

I didn't really read the detail! But my point is drinks parties are perfectly acceptable.

I don't understand this "every party must involve vast amounts of food" attitude

On the invites either say "no food for health & safety reasons" or, if the venue allows it, "Instead of a birthday gift, please bring some food to share"

Ignore the sort of people who say it's not a party without food (and don't invite them)

I think drinks parties are fine too but then you need to provide drinks and I am not sure that the OP is planning to do that

There needs to be some food I think. At that time it needn't be substantial, just some finger food/snacks. No need for it to he catered.

And equally it's perfectly fine for wealthy people to have drinks party and just provide nibbles /canapés

Not every event has to be an orgy of eating.

Thinking about this, I went to a party a year ago where there was a full buffet and drinking and dancing. Other than birthday cake the food was largely untouched. Everyone had eaten before going. I think it possibly depends on the group of friends. If they’re likely to be up dancing all night then food is less important.

This doesn't sound like a brilliant evening for your attendees. (Says me, a greedy introvert who actively avoids any party 😁)

Would it not be better, OP to just go for dinner or a few drinks with your friends rather than throwing a dj party for yourself?

I think one of the worst suggestions on this thread is asking the people attending to bring a dish of food from home. 30+ random dishes with all levels of dubious hygiene. 🤢

Ah, I assumed drinks were on the host!

Ignore the sort of people who say it's not a party without food (and don't invite them)

It's not a party without food though. By all means don't invite those who think parties should contain food but the guest list is going to be pretty small.

I really don't agree that a few bowls of crisps is enough food for a party where there's dancing, drinks and a DJ. People will want to eat - not a full on meal, but there needs to be something to soak up the alcohol or they'll leave and get their own food.

Completely agree. I was responding to the “you can’t afford a party so shouldn’t have one” posters.

I would get a smaller venue and a dj... You could call it a disco instead of a party 🙄🤔

Thanks all the same, but I don't need you to 'explain' anything to me, especially as you sound like you've not got a clue what you're talking about.

You come across as a know it all imo, and you're the one assuming that the OP is paying for drinks, which is a daft assumption imo when she's not even wanting to provide food.
I'll reiterate what I said, a party is a party, where there generally IS an expectation that food will be laid on, that's regardless if it's a wedding, birthday, christening party, you name it. It's ALL the same.

There's a difference if you ask people to meet you for your birthday for drinks in a pub, there's no expectation there on anyone for food or gifts or anything else for that matter. BUT, when you're specifically hiring a venue, putting on music and calling the invite a PARTY, then people expect all that a party consists of, and that includes food!

As for people travelling far to a wedding, people do also travel far for a birthday too believe it or not. And wedding receptions only last for a few hours too, so I don't get your logic. In fact, none of your posts make sense to me.

Fair point and yes I totally agree!

plus must people with allergies/dietary needs etc are used to not eating at parties. Certainly they always have to avoid buffets (and those ghastly grazing tables)

There doesn't need to be vast amounts of food, but if you're going to the trouble of paying for a venue and a band, then it's basic manners to provide something for your guests to eat as well, even if it's just some finger food to soak up the booze.

I might have assumed wrong. But I came away with the sense that it's a cash bar

My feeling is that some kind of hospitality is important if you're having a party - can food or can be drinks. If you can't afford either, you can go out to the pub as a group instead which is totally fine.

Also it depends on what people classify as food and what the venue looks like??

I would do starter type food... Some wings, sandwich platters, houmous, criss, breadsticks, salad.