Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

And I don't think I'm that unusual. My work department voted to get rid of the food part of our Xmas do in favour of more money behind the bar for drinks and we range from mid-20s to 60s! We haven't done food for a few years now.*

That sounds shit for the non drinkers.

Yeah, not everyone drinks alcohol so no food but more drinks would be really rubbish!

This @Dawevi I would think it rubbish if no food was served at a party. Even some substantial nibbles/finger food and bday cake is ok but nothing?..not a party imo.

Call it drinks and dancing then everyone knows what it will be.

I just explained to you why they're different:

1. expectations at a wedding, you bring a gift and you get food. For a party, the gift is optional. If I go to a pub drinks type, I just buy the birthday person a drink. I wouldn't do that at a wedding.
2. People often travel far for a wedding. They won't be doing so for a party that only lasts a few hours.

I went when pregnant one year and it was fine. We do get a few plates of nibbles at some point but we are out for about 9+ hours from early afternoon. If it was like 8-midnight or something I doubt we would even do that as doesn't seem necessary.

I think the primary function of food at a party is to soak up the alcohol. Not serving food increases the likelihood of guests getting stocious, but that might just be indicative of the kind of company I keep.

I'd prefer food and no band to a band no food, personally. And while catering can be costly (and rarely worth the money, imo), with a bit of planning and help from friends/family, it can be quite easy if you keep it simple and do a cold buffet. I've never minded being asked to bring a dish or two to a party, neither do most of my friends.

Nibbles is absolutely fine, bowls of crisps etc. I really wouldn't worry about catering dinner, most people have zero problem with eating before they come and most people eat before 8pm anyway.

If I turned up to a party at 8.30, I wouldn't be wanting or bothered about "nibbles" or food to be honest. At that time, you just want some drinks and to socialise.

About 6 years ago we went to a birthday pub in our local social club , they hired the party room ( separate bar & loos to the main pub )
On the invite it said 1st drink free and nibbles.
There was about 50 people
I asked for a pint of cider , was told the 1st drink was free but that meant only ½ a pint.
The nibbles were 5 large bags of dorritos 1 tube of pringles and 2 tubs of tescos dips.
Now while I certainly didn't expect a huge amount of food or drink I was surprised at that poor offering .
About half way through the night we were all hungry so got everyone to contribute £5 I phoned our local pizza shop and asked if they could cater for us at short notice, they did and sorted out a mixture of pizzas and a load of chips.
They delivered it in two batches which was perfect as it ment everyone got a slice or 2 in two 'seatings'.

I'd definitely do this again it was surprising cheap and the shop gave us a great discount and loads of free dips and a big box of chicken nuggets.

Is this something you could do @Dawevi ?
If you do this dint faff about asking what people want on their pizza it gets way to complicated and more expensive.
Get some veggie and or vegan if wanted , then some spicey some mild if people don't like mushrooms/ peppers/ olives wait until they say dont offer the choice of the bat . People get way to picky !

People will expect food at a party. You clearly can't afford this party, OP, so just cancel it. If you are still set on having some sort of gathering, just ask people to meet you at the pub for an hour or so - then people will buy their own drinks.

Don't have a DJ and gave food instead!

have*

I mean, I grew up in a very UMC cocoon so I don't really know what you're implying?

But I just like dancing and chatting and I tend not to eat much in the evening, if anything. I tend to ignore the food at parties so it strikes me as a totally optional extra. But it's clear from this thread that others do feel the need to eat during the course of an evening

If she was providing drinks over the food then I’m sure she would have put it in the OP. I presume as she’s too tight to provide grub that she’s too tight to provide drinks.

Your options are:
Head to Iceland on Tuesday with a friend over 60 for a 10% discount. Buy to cook sausage rolls, cocktail sausages, veggie equivalents, pizzas (to cut up small slices). You can prep all these the day or morning before. Or ask a friend/friends to do a bit each? Also add a few bags of crisps and snacks. Buy a couple of loaves of bread and cheese/ham/tuna - you can prep and freeze them in advance if you won't have time on the day - but adding lettuce, cucumber etc does make them look better/go further. Buy a bit of salad too. Shouldn't cost you too much.
OR ask the guests to each bring a plate of snacks for the buffet.

The trouble with drinks and dancing is that everyone is sozzled after an hour.
People either don't want to drink or they get sloshed quickly -either way food is sociable and is a nice pause in the initial drinks and howareyous, then food, then dancing
I don't actually drink alcohol so 2 cokes and I'm done .

Call me old fashioned but food is a key element of hosting a party. If I couldn’t afford to do food then the party is off and I’d do birthday drinks at the pub.

@Gwenhwyfar for instance at a drinks party I would only expect nibbles/canapés

https://debretts.com/hosting-a-drinks-party/

i would assume people had had a meal before they arrived. And if I went to a drinks party I would have already eaten.

I'm inclined to agree. People will expect feeding, even if it's just nibbles. In my experience, people see it a bit as their "payment" for coming. Especially if they've forked out for a card, gift and travel.

God what is this obsession with food at that time in the evening. No food would not bother my friends and I in the slightest. A band however would be amazing and memorable!

Just stick out some crisps, nuts and a cheese board for those that can’t survive a few hours without eating and get on with enjoying the night - it’s your night op! Have whatever YOU want!

If you know the guests very well, ie very close friends and family members have you considered having an 'American supper' (everyone brings a plate of food and this is put on the table for all to share) - it could be called something else in other areas though.

Otherwise, I think you will have to rethink the whole party as guests will expect something.

Me and my friends never pay for all the food at parties! Often there is no food, just booze, even BYOB is fine for us. If we want food we do a potluck or order individually or together. I never understand mumsnet. I’ve never experienced this in real life. Guess they’re not such good friends!

I've been to parties where I knew there wouldn't be food provided and that was fine. I ate before I got there. As it's not starting too early I think that's ok and you're being clear about it on the invitations.

Only thing I'd say is if it's somewhere remote and a pain to get to that would be frustrating. If it is a city centre or large town venue and convenient for most of your guests, they then have options

Because they’re different occasions 🤷‍♀️

Also if your friends are happy to have a good time with you, regardless of whether there is an onslaught of food or not, then go ahead op. We would be there for the music and dancing not food 💃

Ha ha. My friends would find it very odd if all the drinks had already been poured into glasses before they arrived.