Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

This. Even now OP has come up with a solution people are still snarking because she hasn't centred the event around food and booze.

Going by all the bleatings of 'a party means free food and drink, it's not a party without free food and drink', I think maybe some pps are a bit socially inexperienced and not used to parties where food and drink isn't the focus. Who knows. But this thread has certainly been a window on to how some people view friendships. All I can say is I'm glad my friendships aren't so transactional.

Don't worry, you aren't invited.

What's wrong with buying your own drinks?

I reckon Mumsnet surely has a larger proportion of people who don't like socialising / other people than the general population, as people who love socialising are much more likely to be out in the world rather thab whiling away hours on the internet!

Discussions about hosting friends and family overnight are weird on here too, with a surprisingly large number of people making it clear how much they hate having people to stay.

I agree there is a whole 'counter intuitive opinions' contingent of posters on here, such as those who seem to think that anyone over 18 who celebrates their birthday in any way at all, such as thinking family members might say 'Happy birthday' to them or <gasp> get them a card or even a present! - is being weird and OTT about it.

Maybe I’m weird but if I invite people to travel to party at a venue of my choosing and a time and date of my choosing I’d think it only right to provide some food and refreshments for them. But as I said, maybe I’m weird for thinking that.

What you have suggested sounds fine if you are providing canapés. It just needs to be something. My friends and I are all party people and I can honestly say other than 2 weddings (both extremely well off) I have never been to a party where there was a free bar.

Also £1k doesn't sound a huge amount for a band for a private party if its a more remote area so I'm surprised peoplethink it is, probably around £600/700 here for a party if the band was local (also south east) closer to £1500/2000 for a wedding.

Some of the posts have been really funny though, suggesting that big birthdays form 30+ people won't party/dance/drink then get a kebab on the way home. Most of my friends age 40-70 would still be up for that 😂

This ^

Those who are saying if OP can't afford to lay on food she can't afford to throw a party or should invite fewer people - how sad. Are you genuinely advocating that people don't deserve to celebrate anything with their friends unless they're prepared to throw some crappy vol-au-vents into the mix (and, according to some pps, pay for everyone's drinks, which tbh I can't imagine most people being able to stretch to)? Even with entertainment thrown in? Nice attitude. I'm guessing you think people on a low income don't deserve to celebrate with their friends, then.

Celebrating with friends is one of the joys of life and opportunities to do so are rare for a lot of people these days. It saddens me to think of people missing out on that over the issue of whether or not people can get bladdered and fill their faces at the same time.

I get where you're coming from, but that feels like quite an extrapolation to me. Surely most of us posting on MN are posting when we get the odd chunk of dead time here and there? I very much doubt people are turning down social invitations because Mumsnet. And those who don't enjoy parties are unlikely to be on this thread because the subject matter won't be of interest.

I've noticed the same phenomenon re people talking about not enjoying hosting, but I think it's more likely that people are being honest on here because they can't irl, for fear of upsetting/offending people in their lives, than that there is a preponderance of such people on MN. (FWIW I think the same thing applies to the 'only on Mumsnet do people not answer the door' fallacy theory, but that's a whole other thread.)

I think the OP has got a pasting for naming the event a 'party'. It is a gig that she is putting on for her friends to celebrate her birthday. I wouldn't expect to be given food at a gig.

@bringincrazyback I don't think that's what people are saying, just that it might change how you approach it

When I was young and broke, we would go out to the pub to celebrate - everyone buys their own, that's fine.

But I think if you invite people to a "party" and describe it that way, you should provide some kind of hospitality

Glad you found a diff cheaper venue. Wonder why they have such a huge discount if not many places about

Def need some kind of food so glad budget can run to it now

Simple

French sticks
Pate
cheeses
Phili
Ham /chicken slices
Pre cooked cocktail sausages /nuggets /cheese curls /
Crisps
Dips

I guess you being vegan makes it harder as most of what people nibble on at parties you won't eat

Are there many coming who are vegan /vegetarian ?

All can be pre brought and placed on table easily so no major cooking

@Blondeshavemorefun

she isn’t gonna serve nuggets at a party ffs!

@LuckySantangelo35 why not ?

@Blondeshavemorefun

because it’s a party…in a cool venue with a cool band. Late evening. Nuggets are not part of any kind of sophisticated vibe…

Oh. I have been told 😂

Is French bread and pate and nice cheese not posh enough as well 😂

@Blondeshavemorefun

🤣 yeah they’re ok, give more of a cool vibe than nuggets!

Pmsl. Ok no nuggets

Unless you put it on the invite that there won't be anything to eat.....people expect food at a party.
People may leave early if they start to get hungry and there's no buffet

I thought it was a covers band?

Which I’d enjoy, but wouldn’t describe as “cool”.

Tech we don't know it's a cool venue

She's changed venue as got a huge discount

Surely any cool venue wouldn't give a discount

"surely any cool venue wouldn't give a discount". WTF?

You're just making shit up now 😂😂😂

We were invited to an evening reception (wedding) at a posh venue. We were pretty hungry as the invitation was for 7.30pm, so really didn't have time to eat. I was absolutely raging that no buffet was on offer.🤬 Not even a crisp or peanut. Needless to say, we left early. I don't understand no food at an evening reception. Why invite people in the first place?🤬

Even those who were at the daytime reception would appreciate some food later in the evening.