Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

You need to provide food, people will not be happy if you don't. It isnt a gala dinner, you don't need to go mad, dont overthink it but bowls of nibbles will not be enough. A classic simple buffet is expected at parties. If there are likely to be too many guests for you to do it yourself then hire a cheap caterer for the main basics such as sandwiches, sausage/cheese rolls, samosas/ bhajis for example and then you can add tubs of coleslaw and the big bags of crisps yourself. Or another option is rounding up family or friends to help do it on the cheap.

Can you cut back on the drinks to afford food. So agree that you are only paying for a very linear range if free drinks

Will the venue let you bring food in?

Easy catering successes at parties I’ve been to included mass pizza delivery at 9:30 (arranged ahead of time at a significant discount) and a chip butty bar - the host had 80 buttered baps brought from home and had portions of chips delivered by the local chippy.

The latter was very enthusiastically received - it soaked up the alcohol nicely and was just the job for her birthday disco.

Agreed, surely a 4hr party doesn't warrant a big feast

I worked in a bar that hosted parties like this for years.
If you want people to dance, you need a DJ or band. Do not skimp on that in favour of food. People will not dance to a playlist from something connected to speakers.
I cannot imagine sitting down to chilli or jacket potatoes at a party with a DJ, so I would say that’s out if that’s the kind of party you’re after.
I think an invitation that says “drinks and nibbles” is fine. I’d go with crisps and supermarket sandwich platters.
Or crisps on tables and order takeaway pizza for 9:30-10 pm.

I think a party is something you offer to other people (and yourself) as a gift. So it is up to you to decide the shape of that gift, and what it includes. Then people can decide whether they want to come or not. If it does not meet their expectations it is not your issue, having expectations does not mean being entitled to it. As long as you accept some people will not like it and you are ok with it, go for whatever you choose.

Are you providing drinks instead of food? I doubt it if you won’t pay for food but Yes I think you need food. It would be incredibly tight to throw a party and then not feed your guests!

Go to Costco and get the catering from there. It’s cheap enough.

My first thought when I read your OP was that if you can't afford to provide any catering then you can't really afford the big party!
Maybe a meal out and then people obviously pay for their own?

Sorry to pick on you but can we stop the jacket potatoes and curry nonsense. No one wants to eat that at a party

Agreed!

I'd think you were tight and just wanted people to bring you birthday presents, but weren't willing to host them properly. Parties aren't obligatory, and quite self-indulgent as an adult, so if you can't afford it, don't have one. As others have said, spend the money on food rather than a band or DJ and create your own playlist.

If you can't afford to serve food then you can't afford to host this party

This
Hideous bad manners not to feed your guests.
So many of these threads lately 🤦‍♂️
Do I have to feed guests at my wedding/ party/ birthday, like the people attending are an inconvenience
Yes you do -the clue is GUEST

I think the average age of a mumsnet user really shows on this thread. Many think it isn't a party unless there's a quiche or some pineapple on a stick.

Ask the venue if they can do large pizzas (say a slice or two per person) to soak a bit of alcohol up, that'll be entirely sufficient.

How many people are invited/coming? I sorted catering for my friends milestone birthday last year: crackers, dips, crisps, cheese, meat platters and other nibbly bits and cooked about 300 party sausage rolls. I spent about £150 including bamboo plates, wooden cutlery and napkins. She had about 20-30 people, also with an 8pm start and we assumed people would eat prior (and they had - there were quite a bit of leftovers)

So you want people to buy you a gift, go to considerable expense before Christmas to attend your party & you don't want to feed them? Don't be a cheeky fucker.

Hire a community hall, get a mate toanage a spotify list and put a buffet on. Stop getting your mates to subsidised a swanky party that you can't afford.

Or maybe the approach to parties?!
I've always ignored buffets at parties anyway. I go to dance and chat not sit around eating

Crisps etc from the beginning and an order of pizzas around 9-9:30? That should be fairly cheap - at least compared to the price of DJ etc.

It does sound like that. The op says they are uncomfortable not that they can't afford it.

Well yes, 16 year old me would have turned up with a big bottle of cider and drank whatever dubious punch had been made, but I'm assuming the OP wants to appear more sophisticated than the teenagers holding those parties.

You absolutely need a light buffet of some description. If nothing else the socially awkward people need somewhere to go to seek respite!

Wow, you sound as tight as the OP tbh.
It's got nothing to do with people's ages, it's insulting to invite people to a party and not bother to feed them at least something, although your 'one slice of pizza' isn't sufficient and is cringe worthy stingy.

Years ago I went to a Civil Partnership reception where there was lots of booze but no snacks. Everyone was plastered including me. I think at the very least some Aldi party food and crisps would avoid such a situation.

Make your own Spotify list!

100 pere cent this. any party been to at that time always has sandwiches cocktail suasages etc. cake then given out afterwards or something.
had a big bday party at home last year. had a curry rice and salads plus cake. I budgeted for food and drink

Stating the obvious here, but I would have initially sat down, worked out my budget and set up things accordingly from that! It seems like you've given more thought to the venue and music than all the other trappings of a party!
Many many years ago, I went to an engagement party that started at 8pm. By 9pm people were starting to ask when the food would be appearing, there was no food provided as it turned out, by 9-45pm there was hardly anyone left except the host, family and a couple of close friends! It was embarrassing.
If I'm invited to a party, the last thing I'd do is have a big meal before going (because otherwise, I wouldn't want to go out!) as I'd expect that there would be some sort of catering. I've never been to a party with no food since the one I mentioned! I've never received an invitation that's ever mentioned the yes/no food provided, but it's always expected and always provided. Maybe that's just a northern thing?!

I think the average age of a mumsnet user really shows on this thread. Many think it isn't a party unless there's a quiche or some pineapple on a stick.

Well feeding guests is the norm in pretty much every country and every culture so people expect it for a reason. It puzzles me that so many seem to see it as an optional extra when it’s a very basic part of hosting. About as basic as telling people where the even is being held. It doesn’t have to be luxurious.