Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

I don’t think that you have to provide a meal, but some nibbles would be nice. Do them yourself from the supermarket- crisps, nuts, olives, tapas-type platters. Everything cold and out on tables at the beginning of the evening. Plus a big birthday cake cut half way through.

And as you say make it clear on the invitation.

Clearly some mumsnetters have a lot more friends than me if they’d turn down an invite to someone’s 40th just because they didn’t offer a few limp sausage rolls.

If it's for an 18th or 21st, most kids don't eat buffet and it goes to waste. A family member had a load of pizzas delivered from the local takeaway and they went down a storm.

If it's for older generation then yes I think they would expect food.

Could you not do chilli / curry / hotpot in slow cookers (get a friend or family member to help out) with crusty bread and a few shop bought cakes, Costco ones are great for parties.

You’ve mentioned a venue and band/DJ and asked about food. What about drinks? Are you providing an open bar or putting some money towards drinks?

Catering (food and drink) is essential for a party. Are you expecting the guests to buy their own drinks as well as food?

I have to say, I would be really surprised to attend a birthday party at a venue with a hired band/DJ and be expected to buy my own food and drink after the age of about 25. Actually, if you have gone to the expense of hiring a band/DJ, I’d think you just had your priorities wrong, no matter how old.

For an 8 or 8.30 start, I’d expect there to be a few drinks provided and some nibbles. If you can do the catering yourself, it doesn’t have to be fancy.

Popcorn is always popular and filling (and moreish). It is also very cheap. A frozen party pack of spring rolls or quiche or dim sim etc also work out as inexpensive although you would need access to facilities to prepare them. Charcuterie platters are always more expensive than you expect when they are done nicely. Fruit platters are usually cheap but have a wow factor if you throw some chocolates into the mix too.

Or, you could ask the venue to provide a dessert selection ice cream and cake.

Jacket potatoes,
Can you make the food yourself?
Is there a kitchen?

Now it's a haiku.

Can you do a home made buffet on the cheap? Home made food is nicer anyway.

But yes, you will look stingy if you dint provide food or drink.

Yes, I think if you are bothering with a "big party", then you really need to feed people.
How ridiculous.

Yes, of course you have to feed people. It’s as essential as the other components.

You can do it on the cheap if you need to. Buy party food from somewhere like Iceland and make a few platters of sandwiches and crudités.

At that time of evening you definitely need to offer food.

I wouldn’t mind nibbles rather than a massive buffet but would be really strange if you had nothing.

No food will have people turning up for an hour and then leaving to get food and not returning, then others will leave early as there's no atmosphere.

You need to supply food, not just nibbles as you'll find a few greedy buggers will gorge on all the nibbles leaving nothing for anyone else.

You do not have to go with a catering company (unless it is part of the venue rules), but most supermarkets offer a 'food to order', in which you can order sandwiches, or other kinds of party food, which is much cheaper than a caterer. (I did this once).
If it is for kids or teenagers, and there is a kitchen, you could buy lots of pizzas from supermarkets, to cook, and cut up, and serve.

Could you get a catering van (burger or pizza) and make it clear on invite that this will be to be paid by guests when they order? Sales as paying at the bar!?

Agere with this. Party = food, especially on this scale.

Sorry OP but it is ridiculous idea. Either you can afford to have a party and serve some sort of food or not! Food does not need to be posh, does not need to be catering. Make your own sandwiches and buy salads from lidl, carrots and cucumber with dips and hummus and you are done.

I've just hosted an 18th at home for 40 people. We spent a lot on booze, but the pizza was phenomenal value- 12X 16 inch pizzas was just over £100 as there was a special offer on. Went down a storm & easy to serve.

Other half spent weeks doing the play list on his laptop - he is brilliant at that, but could someone do this for you as your present, & hire a big speaker?

I'm now getting up to the carnage that awaits me downstairs!

Spotify playlist and spend the band money on some food!

I don’t think you need a full on meal - but more than crisps. So canapés / finger food would be great.

Although I did go to a 40th where there were only bowls of crisps and olives. Ended up getting blind drunk 😅 I didnt think badly of it until the next day haha.

You could specify that it’s just nibbles on the invite but what will people even do with themselves if there is no food to give structure to the evening? I think it’s expected for a reason. Exception being if it’s just a bunch of young people (under 30).
I would absolutely sacrifice a dj and do my own music (personally think this is loads better than a dj- their music is usually too loud for people to chat and when you do it yourself you can choose exactly the songs you want in the right order)

Personally I wouldn't care about food for an evening night out vibe kind of party. If I'm going out for drinks for an evening at 8pm, I have my dinner before I go and then don't eat while I'm out - do people really need to eat an hour after arriving for an evening out?! So it wouldn't bother me. But to avoid upsetting anyone, I'd just do some nibbles and stuff that you've got from supermarket and just make it clear on invitation there will be a small finger food buffet. I would be surprised if people turning up for a drinking and dancing kind of party at 8pm were expecting proper food anyway.

I'd expect at least some nibbles over a band

I'm going to go against the grain and say it depends on the guests. I've been to a 'no food' 30th and it was fine, the invite was clear that it would just be a cake and tbh I'd have had my tea anyway before going. However, some of the family guests were a bit miffed (e.g., Auntie Pauline was very vocal that she'd not eaten!)
We're not the ones invited so I suppose you'll need to think about your guests, can you put the feelers out to one of them and see what they say?

I think you need to provide some food. Doesn't have to be huge amount and you can put something like "light buffet snacks available" on the invitation so people know to eat properly beforehand.

But nothing at all would be weird.

Yes the usual script is that food should be served, but if I meet friends at the pub or a bar at 8/8.30 we don't eat again, so I don't see why this should be different. If they are your people they'd understand it's a get together, moneys tight and to eat before. Don't invite people who wouldn't get this.

Why have a party when you clearly can’t afford it?

depends on the type of guests... If it is an older persons birthday where most people won't probably drink alot of alcohol and go home by midnight, then nibbles and sandwiches would be fine, If it is a crowd of people who like to party and drink until the wee hours, how about crockpot buffet of hotdogs (I just did some for our neighbourhood potluck party, they all got gobbled) round crockpot can hold 24 , and takes about 2.5 hours on low to heat and then they are good on keep warm for 4 hours without drying out. A crockpot of chili , a table with paper plates and napkins,hotdog buns, diced tomatoes, diced onion, shredded cheese, mustard , mayo and ketchup, big bowls of crisps. Done. And if they are all standing instead of mostly sat at tables, a hotdog is easy to eat off a napkin (unless they add chili, and need a paper plate. No utensils needed other than some tongs for the hotdogs and crisps, spoons for the condiments and a small ladle for the chili. Just start borrowing friends and families crockpots as you will need a few!

I would cater myself with a kind of grazing table type thing. Cheese, crackers, some cold meats etc. A couple of big bags of sausage rolls are pretty cheap too. Quite easy to do and just put out on a table. I have done this for under £200 for 100 people before.
However, if you really can't afford the food then I would simply say on the invite - there will be no food so please eat before you come. If people care about you then they will understand and won't be bothered. If people create a fuss about it then they are clearly not great friends are they? They can stay at home. I'd be there for the disco personally!