Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

Like the USA contributor I think 8:30 pm or after is a stupid time time (anytime between around 5:30 to 6:30 for evening meals is a good sensible time for various reasons, including health_ to have dinner (tea as we calls it in my locality- we eat "dinner" midday, but regions vary), however at any party we would normally expect some food be it a buffet or a banquet, not ever nothing at all, that is bad form, if the venue allows you to do your own catering then bonus, do not skimp on using really cheap bread and bits, get some at least half reasonable brands and reasonable pies, sausage rolls etc etc, nothing is a big no no, cheap trash is also a no no, both are insults, as cheap as you can as long as it is reasonable to eat. but never nothing at all.

I don't like parties with no food. As you are presumably not providing the alcohol either, it seems a bit mean. I'd have cheese and bread (lots), nibbles, other sorts of finger food. People well-fed always enjoy the party. If it's too expensive with food then you cannot afford that venue and ought to look for something smaller.

Nothing is needed at parties, except people - but a lot of people would consider food to be an integral part of a party.

I’d definitely expect there to be some kind of food, even if just crisps / nuts.

Make it a fuddle (ie bring food to share) and your own drinks, and you provide cakes and soft drinks....

I think I can see what is going on here.
A lot of posters have an idea of a party in their heads that is kind of like a family party or do. These parties are a bit more tame/sedate/square than perhaps a more raucous dancey crowd might want. They’re happy with some quiche and a Spotify playlist while others want a drink and a dance. I sense the party girl is more of the latter and so are her group of friends and family.

People speak from their own experiences and were I to have a party with say all my in laws then yeah it’d be different because they don’t really drink or do anything fun because they’re too scared of losing control of their carefully maintained composure.

But this isn’t that kind of party. It’s a piss up, it’s got it written all over it. So stop telling her she should give people bloody lentil soup at 9pm! They’ll be fine with some sausage rolls to soak up the tequila.

This ⬆️ absolutely nails it!

OP, YANBU. If I was invited to a party that started at 8:30, food would be an unexpected surprise. I wouldn't worry too much about it, to be honest. It's about having fun with your friends, and I absolutely would not sacrifice a live band for some Morrisons sausage rolls! I'm not sure what era people are living in but the ones I know would be perfectly happy to have a few drinks and dance the night away. It's your party, do it your way. Main thing is you get your nearest and dearest together in an affordable way.

I wouldn't consider hosting a party without food.

Couldn't you or a couple of friends get some of the mini sausage rolls (frozen) from supermarket, bake those (brush with whipped egg to give a nice glaze) dishes of crisps, nuts, and just do some cheese or ham sandwiches (cut into triangles) that's wouldn't cost much. Depends on how many are going, but if 50 I'd think you could do it for around £40, start getting frozen sausage rolls in advance. Few packs of paper plates and serviettes put plate, serviette, plate, serviette, in piles by food. Could always put a fish of pickles on table with plastic forks. It can be done cheap and better than no food at all.

I have no idea why people think sausage rolls and triangular sandwiches are a staple of a good night out? Are we conditioned from them being provided at every primary school party to expect them forevermore?

I think we are, I immediately thought of that kind of food when I read ‘party’, even though I can’t stand stand it and haven’t eaten either since the mid ‘90s 😂

But she also said there would be children there and some games set up for them. So it isn't just a piss up

It is a birthday party, there are children invited and the Op's parents amongst others.
It's not supposed to be a piss up.

Altho it is actually all about the ' live band ' .

Birthday parties involve food, of some sort.

and of course a cake !

“The local rugby club is cheaper but won't do Saturdays in the rugby season and I have to do Saturday so that my friends who need to travel can get here, it's not possible on a Friday as they work and it's two hours away”

It’s starting at 8.30, couldn’t your friends get there in time for that? Or if they’re good friends, wouldn’t they take a half day for your special birthday? If having it on a Friday solves the problems, surely your close friends would make it possible?

Actually, though, sounds to me you’d be better planning a big night out with your pals you just want to drink and dance with at a live music place. You each pay your own costs. Then have something separate and simpler - with food - for family.

Do your own buffer. It doesn’t need to be expensive.

It was a suggestion for at least something to nibble on rather than no food at all. If money is limited some snacks are better than nothing when people are drinking. Well at least i think so, id probably put some slices of pork pie as well.😁

I have to be honest, I don’t think I’d feel
inclined to go to a party to celebrate when it’s hardly going to be a celebration when I get there. What would I be going for? No food, I’d have to get my own drinks, probably need new outfits for the family and the expense of a present and leaving a nice warm comfy house.
If you can’t afford the party and do it properly then I wouldn’t do it. Couldn’t you celebrate with a holiday or a break away somewhere?
If you really want a party then instead of catering full on why not have graze boards or charcuterie boards on individual tables. That way people will have substantial nibbles in front of them and yet not be greedy and have huge amounts of food from a buffet table. I d be happy with that tbh; thinking crusty bread, hams, cheese, grapes, olives, Doritos and dips etc
Also it saves queuing up for plates etc and wastage. A lot of people now a days dont like open food where people’s fingers contaminate food others intend to eat anyway.

Op, itl be fine. This threads bonkers. I never ever eat the buffet at a party. They usually start at 7 till half 12 and I manage completely fine as a grown adult not eating for 5.5 hours whilst drinking and dancing so if its 8.30 to 12.30 I'm sure people can definitely manage that.

You need to be bribed with food and drink before you'll leave your house for a friend? Doesn't sound like your friendships are very important to you if that's the case.

Where did I say that….?
she asked how would I feel about going to a party where food is not provided. Have you ever been to a party where there’s no food? I havnt? Because that’s not a party is it? The definition of a party is a gathering of people for eating, drinking and entertainment purposes.
she’s asked, I’ve expressed my opinion. Let’s hope she dosnt get many guests like you at her party, lord above, no food or jolly people. Let’s hope the entertainment is good aye.
Also as you’ve asked; my longest friendship is the whole length of my life, I have many childhood friends, have you? Probably not because you’re a misery and feel it’s appropriate to make a reply like that to someone who gave an honest answer. Try not to knock your toe on the bedpost again when you get up in the morning…

I think it would be acceptable to not offer food as you’d have been clear beforehand however I think it’d be better to serve some substantial nibbles - maybe some cheese, nice mini pasties/ rolls etc, maybe pizza or even supermarket party food would be better than nothing.

Do you always eat a meal when you go to the pub? Or a gig? Or a nightclub?

Really?

What would you be going for? Fun. Dancing. Music. Chatting with friends. Don't you enjoy that? If not I'd rather you did stay in your nice warm comfy house (the venue will be warm too you know).

Honestly, a lot of people on here are clearly not my kind of people! I love dancing and having fun and would definitely not prefer to stay at home.

If you know for a fact that all 70 of your guests are on your wave length, why did you even ask here? Especially as you've taken no notice of most replies.

No. But it's not a gig. DGD had a party like this for her 21st - mainly for her friends but family came along because we are that sort of family. The bar was inflated (and I bought a bottle of wine as it was cheaper than by the glass). There were some games to play, which was fun, but mainly dancing and drinking. But she had nibbles - nuts, crisps etc - on all the tables, and they certainly got eaten. Not offering anything is a bit off at a party.