Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

You'd be as well doing a BYOB rather than getting a bar in. Being invited to a party with no food or drink really isn't a party IMO.

So you are hosting a live music gig for your friends to celebrate your birthday?

I think if you present it as a gig rather than a party, people's expectations would be a bit different.

Perfect ^

Covers, locally known band made up of professional musicians who do session playing ie good musicians

See, I think being invited to a private venue with a band is a completely different set up to being invited to the pub.

For the former I would expect drinks, and yes nibbles, for the later I would completely expect to buy my own drinks.

Or going to a bring your own house party is a completely different thing again, where I'd expect to bring a bottle or two.

Only you know what is normal amongst your friends.

If that's normal amongst your friends then have the event.

And if bring your own is normal then get people to bring food and drink.

And I don't know why you are asking.

It’s interesting the phrases that the "no food needed" posters are using:

*congealed triangle sandwiches
*crusty old Morrisons buffet
*Iceland buffet

I don’t think any of the people suggesting food would be desirable have suggested any of those things. I mean I wouldn’t want to be at a party where the food was congealed or crusty – but it doesn’t have to be. I hosted a party at my home and the food was yummy.

A party does suggest some effort and hospitality on the part of the host. Going to the pub is very different and perfectly fine in its own way but not what I’d expect if I was told that I’m invited to a party.

I'll be so glad when the word 'nibbles' has been consigned to the slang dustbin. That and 'picky bits'.

Yes @DemonicCaveMaggot
Along with 'tub ' and 'platter'.Ugh

I am also growing to despise 'snacks' too

Well I would rather go to that party tbh. £8 wine will buy you a decent bottle of wine (where I live, tho maybe it’s cheapy town). If you don't drink wine, bring gin, or Fanta or whatever.

The food suggestion is simply bc you don’t need everyone to bring food, then there would be too much; but if a friend said to me "Clary I'm having a party for my 50th, can you make a massive stash of 40 of your famous brownies?" I'd be fine with that. If you ask specific people to do the specific food a) they are usually more than happy and b) you know what you will get.

Yes my plan will cost the OP a bit more in terms of some drink, so maybe it’s not a helpful suggestion, but it would be a party I would want to go to.

I think this invite sounds much more fun than a congealed buffet and listening to someone rabbit on about their piles! This would be a rare case of definitely accepting and looking forward to the evening! I think it is spot on, and if you can work out the details and be sure to be crystal clear with guests I think it will be an amazing party op.

Haha my phone got stuck and when I returned I was reading about bread and dripping and blancmange and thought I was still on this thread. Different thread but maybe we’re onto something here?! 🥳

Could you do it pot luck style and ask people to bring a dish?

I think you should also provide something too though. I think your friend was a bit cheeky.

It isn't the same as the pub though. Just like it's not the same as your friends house party.
It's about expectations more than anything. If I'm invited to an expensive hall with an expensive band, I won't be expecting to find nothing there.
At the very least, I'd prefer BYOB to keep costs down a bit.

Just put out some bowls of crisps?
I think people are just too obsessed with food these days and expect to be fed at every event/party 😬

At least she paid for the leccy/gas to cook it which is more than the OP is 😉

I think this invite sounds much more fun than a congealed buffet and listening to someone rabbit on about their piles!

What kind of fucked up parties have you been going to?

Parties the world over have always had food.

*It’s interesting the phrases that the "no food needed" posters are using:
*congealed triangle sandwiches
*crusty old Morrisons buffet
Iceland buffet

Exactly! It’s perfectly possible to provide edible food. I’m not sure why so many think the food has to be crusty and congealed. I’ve never encountered anyone chatting about their piles at parties either.

well quite. I have never sat and listened to someone rabbiting on about their piles!

I really don't see what the problem is, you know what you want and like and you have like minded friends. Just put no food provided on the invite. Maybe have bar selling crisps and nuts. Have fun, it your party 🥳

Rabbitting on about them has to be better than actually comparing them though.

If I were hosting this party I’d most certainly be offering supper about 10 or 10.30. Part of a social gathering includes catering, what you do re drinks is up to you, but providing food equals looking after your guests. If you are not wanting to, or are unable to feed people, I’d be forgetting about having a party. If you invite people, you are, I think, obliged to look after them.

If your budget is 2k just do something you can afford so a smaller gathering with food and drinks.