Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

Have you looked at Costco? They do platters that are reasonable (cheaper than M&S for eg.) I can't remember the last time I went to an event that wasn't catered in some way.

I once went to a 40th where the host only served jammy doughnuts because she enjoyed that kind of treat and didn’t want to provide proper food. It was the crappest party I’ve ever been to TBF.

If the venue doesn't even have a bar why are you bringing one in to force people to spend money at your 'party' instead of saying to bring their own booze? Then you could say I've booked an awesome band, bring your own booze and snacks, that sounds quite decent. Your party sounds over priced for you and really like your a cheap skate to your friends.

Or even better, scrap the bar, use the money to buy food and tell people to BYOB.

It's a party because it's a celebration of my birthday.

My best mate did similar for hers but she could have it at home, she invited people over for a party, we had to take food and drink, she got guests to cook the food, and everyone had a great time! She didn't spend anything on it at all, guests brought everything even the cake and my friend did nothing at all!

A party is defined as a social gathering, and this will be.

Can you ask people to do similar and bring some food/drink to your party aswell? People might prefer that to a mobile bar which surely be more expensive per drink.

You don't need caterers to provide food. Lots of crisps and some cut up cheese with crackers, bought or home made cake, a bowl of grapes, some sweets for the children is plenty. Maybe some bread with veggie or meat pate spread on it. Paper plates. The point isn't to look flash but to provide something tasty to soak up the drinks.

You generally host a party. That is provide your guests with hospitality and consider their comfort and needs. It doesn’t sound like there’ll be much hospitality at your “party”.

But you're not doing that - you're spending 2k on a venue and a band, but not budgeting enough for food and drink.

If you were flat broke and hosting a house party that would be a bit different.

The OP seems to be mixing up two types of events here. A drinks party with a live band doesn't go with board games for children - and no food for anyone.

I'd not be impressed to attend a party and find neither food nor drink. No offense, but nobody else cares as much about your birthday as you do. I'd find it really odd to have a band but no food.
If you wanted a dance party, I'd expect a dj or Playlist and a load of booze.
The whole plan just seems a little disjointed.

@Fluufer Bang on there!

But I also think some people are just not on my wavelength, with suggestions of parties starting at 7pm, baked potatoes, everyone needing to sit down and rest, etc. There will be chairs, but I'm a party girl and so are my friends.

I mean - then go for it OP. It sounds like you were looking for validation - some people won't mind and some will. Suck it and see, I guess.

So @Dawevi there'll be a loud live band or DJ, so I can't talk to anyone, there'll be no food, and I'll have to buy my own drinks?

Yes! A party to remember alright!

Wow. I’d much prefer a fantastic play list and there be £1k of drink and food. To go to a party with neither food nor drink provided (and not even at a venue where I could order my own food that I liked or a special cocktail that I fancied) would not float my boat. Even the 21st parties I went to decades ago had a few packets of crisps and a keg of beer.

live music is indeed fantastic but that’s the add on after you’ve covered the hospitality basics like food and drink.

Op I would come to your party! Sounds fab - if you were my friend I would come along in my best dress, bring some nibbles and a bottle to share, and dance the night away with you.

Hope you have a brilliant time!

@Dawevi even your friends party had food. Bring your own food and drink is fine, buy your own drink and no food is naff. Particularly when it's not even a venue requirement

@Dawevi I'm going against the grain. Make the invite obvious it's just small nibbles (crisps, popcorn and tortilla chips and I'm happy), ask people to bring their own drink and big up the band and dancing. Me and my friends (40+, mix of drinkers and non, all dancers) would think this the most fabulous, fun way of celebrating with each other. FANTASTIC you're dancing away with friends all night, What's better?!!!

I'd just get snacks/finger food, or else order a load of pizzas

You are not supposed to be talking but dancing, having fun and singing!

This is odd surely. Or am I old? I love to dance at a party (not so much sing tbh) but I also want to talk to the people who are there – maybe I’ve not seen them in a while, or it’s my really good mates, and I fancy a chat as well as a dance.

I like live music and I go to gigs every so often, but that’s not a party; at a party I like to be able to talk as well – that’s my idea of having fun.

What kind of band @Dawevi ? Covers band? Own material? Semi-famous local band?

On the invitation you could say something like 'Live band (name) will there, there will be dancing and nibbles. Definitely no presents, but please bring a bottle of whatever you like to drink'.

I've been to a BYOB party, but it had food.

We recently saw a band at a sports club. It wasn't a party, but the flyers said light nibbles would be served. We ate first and when we got there there were bowls of crisps on the table which I thought was the extent of the food. But then they had lots of mini quiches/pies/chicken goujons etc we wished we hadn't already eaten!

OP you say you realised you had gone over budget, how much were you hoping/allocated for food? Could you ask on local social media, there might be private caterers who could agree a buffet for a set price. Is there is a wenzels bakery near you? they do reasonably priced snacks/platters (not sure how vegan friendly)

And then say light nibbles on the invite?

It’s not a party without food drink and music

You are not supposed to be talking but dancing, having fun and singing!

WTF? Who wouldn’t want to talk to their friends? Why can’t you talk? Do you normally hold your parties in monasteries or at mime conventions? Telling people that they shouldn’t talk at parties is completely bonkers.

I think this is way preferable to expect them to pay bar prices at a party with no food.

Then its very clear its an event / gig type experience with zero hospitality provided.