Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

Well it’s certainly not a drinks party if there are kids and elderly people present. You can’t have kids at a party and no food. Finger food is ideal for a mix of generations.

It’s not clubbing, it’s not a drinks do, its not after work in a wine bar, it’s a party with family and friends. Be a good host and provide food.

You can't start a party that you want children at , at half eight in the evening, unless they are all teenagers.

What are you doing about drinks?

@Words I just get the feeling the OP is not picturing her party as a vol au vent soiree (not that there is anything wrong with them but it's just a different vibe.)

@Dawevi remember you can't please all of the people all of the time but have a great birthday and I hope you and your guests have a great night whatever you decide!

I would expect nibbles at the least for a birthday party.

Perhaps if you just treated it the same as any other birthday instead of falling for the nonsense of so-called big birthdays, you would not have the issue.

Hope you've not committed yourself to the venue.

OP says herself that her parents are elderly and that the children are young enough that she feels she needs to provide games for them - so we're clearly not talking about teens here, lol.

It all sounds a bit like OP is doing what she wants without any thought to the practicalities or the needs of her guests.

I've been to plenty of parties where it was just nibbles (nuts/crisps) on the table, didn't bother me as long we knew beforehand.

At a minimum you need crisps and nibbles. Doesn't have to be much or expensive but you do need something

Big pizzas - Costco do nice ones. If people can sit down to eat then a few big bowls of salad/coleslaw.

Dessert - cheesecake, lemon tart, choc cake, big one of each.

Exactly. Jacket potatoes are not party food!

Baguettes, butter, a few different cheeses and a couple of jars of chutney surely wouldn’t break the bank. Paper plates and napkins, some disposable wooden knives, bingo.
And/or from experience, a load of sausages on sticks always go down very well. Good quality ones - it’s easy to find gluten free even at Asda - just cook and cut into thirds. Some mustard and ketchup dippy pots for serving.

If it's not older kids then they will probably be leaving before the party actually starts.

Op says I also don't have family who could help with this, my parents are elderly and live a long way away, and I don't want to be cooking and clearing up at my own party.
I'm not sure if the parents will actually be attending?

I think this thread is probably sucking the joy out of OPs party planning. She knows her own guests well enough to know what they will want (or won't want) to do. Hopefully she's got some ideas for either catering cheaply or letting people know whats on offer for them to decide if they'd like to be part of her celebrations.

I think a lot of posters live somewhere a lot cheaper than me! There's no good bands for less than 1k - that's only a couple of hundred for each band member. (Pubs pay less than that for bands, but those pub gigs are generally good publicity for a band which will then make money on private gigs). And yeah there really aren't any cheaper venues that will fit the amount of people, they are all the same price.

I also don't think I can feed 70 people on £100-200 as posters are suggesting. Dominos is like £15 a pizza so that's around £500. I'll look into the Morrisons platters although the nearest one is half an hour away. We have Waitrose here.

And I'm vegan so I'm not doing slaughtered pig either as a roast or in butties, that's a step too far for me (I can suck up serving some meat in other ways if it's not stinky and I can't really see it).

I'm in a very expensive small town in the South East, there's no room for hire for £300 here unfortunately. I wish there was! I've looked everywhere. I don't want everyone to have to get a taxi to a village hall out in the sticks.

But I also think some people are just not on my wavelength, with suggestions of parties starting at 7pm, baked potatoes, everyone needing to sit down and rest, etc. There will be chairs, but I'm a party girl and so are my friends.

Re kids there won't be many, basically mine and maybe my best mate's and I would expect them all to have had tea long before 8.30pm! Plus they aren't tiny ones. I only mentioned that as some posters seemed anxious about needing something to do (other than chat and enjoy some music).

The venue is a room within a building, it's not in a pub or hotel so there's nothing else there at that time of day except the room we will be using. I'm getting a mobile bar in. And no I'm not paying for the drinks - this is basically a private pub set up, I've never been to a party or do where I didn't buy my own drinks.

I don't know why people are being weird about me having a budget, that's normal isn't it? Mines 2k, I can go a very little over it, but not loads and so far catering has been coming out around £700 which is too much. Don't people save up for stuff? I've saved this up so I can have a party/do/drinks thing and I can't go over it.

No food and no drinks provided - you can't afford a party!

You have to at least put enough behind the bar to buy people a drink or ideally two.

Nah, you definitely still need to have a food/nibbles table. I know the South east and it’s not an alien thing, neither is it just full of Waitrose’s and expensive food. Crisps, nuts, sandwiches, even vegan sausage rolls are not v expensive.

Honestly, it just seems an odd set up.

You've hired a room and band but then people are expected to pay for their own drinks and no food.

If that's normal amongst your friends and family then crack on.

But the responses on here will show you that people have very different expectations. I just can't imagine a situation of being invited to a party at a venue- as opposed to meet for drinks in a bar - and not being given at least one or two drinks.

Well you did ask, so people have given their opinions. I wouldn't have asked if I had no intention of changing my mind!

even on your third update I still say you need to provide FOOD. 70 people is a big party. they are all coming as your guesta from local to out of town you need food!

I'm honestly not sure why you bothered to ask?

You've clearly no intention of putting on food and you've said the budget won't stretch any further so why even ask if you need to do food if you've already decided you're not doing it?

Totally agree with this.

Live within your means.

It doesn't sound like you can afford to host the kind of event you have planned out in your head.

Two grand for a band and a venue, but nothing for drinks or food? You need to cut back somewhere, imo.

So, you're not providing food and you're not providing drinks either? Ignoring the fact you are being fleeced, I think you need to reposition this from a party to @Dawevi 's Private Birthday Gig. It changes the expectations, people probably won't bring their kids, and the people who want to chat rather than dance and listen to music just won't go. Your older relatives will probably give it a swerve and the friends with kids will stay home if they can't get a sitter but maybe you can celebrate with them on a different day in a different manner?

The more I think about it, the more I think your problem is trying to make this event something it's not. You're a music fan. This is all about the live music. It's not a 'traditonal' big birthday celebration, so position it as what is really is. The people who know you best should know that's what you enjoy, so will either come along and enjoy it with you or not come along and not resent it.

Also, if you aren’t providing neither food or drinks, what’s the difference between this party and just going to any other bar/club? There has to be something that makes it a party. To get no drinks and no food is not a good bash.

Morrisons do very good trays of sandwiches, cheese boards with crackers and grazing platters. Trim them up with salad garnishes and a few grapes, sorted, and at a very modest price.

In a few weeks time we will have another op who was a guest complaining drove all the way to a good friend's birthday party. she had it in a large venue. big band. but no food ? in end we only stayed a bit and went off to find a chippy. 😁 anyone else find that odd ?

Of course it’s normal to have a budget. There’s no shame in that but you have champagne tastes on a lemonade budget and I do think it’s poor form to pay so much out for a band but skip on basic hospitality like feeding your guests. I wouldn’t expect you to pay for all drinks but if you’re not feeding them then I’d put some money behind the bar or at least buy a few bottles of wine for them to share but you aren’t offering them that either. It’s a party in name only.