Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

I thinkthere are different types of party and presumably OPs guests know what kind of night she would enjoy after all it's her bday gig & if she wants people to join her for a knees up that's her choice. Yes it won't be everyones cup of tea but they can always decline if they see the invitation is to a band & drinks evening.

I'm leaning towards calling it a drinks party and if that puts people off, so be it.

This sounds like you're providing drinks, are you ? That'll be more expensive than food.

Parties are supposed to be fun my friend! You can catch up over coffee or lunch another time. This is not that kind of party. These are the best parties. Relaxed, fun!

OP, you know your friends.

I have been to big birthday parties where there was no point whatsoever in food, because no one was going to be in an eating mindset, and that was the right thing for that friendship group.

And I've been to big birthday parties with huge buffets, and that was the right thing for that friendship group.

I think you definitely need to make sure it's clear there will be no food so guests can plan accordingly, but IMO people who will get miffed because your birthday party isn't their idea of fun rather than yours, people who would expect you to cut out something that is important to you so you can afford to give them something you don't even want, have a screwed idea of friendship.

Can't you just stick some crisps and sandwiches and sausage rolls etc on a table? That wouldn't be expensive but I do think you need some nibbles for a big birthday bash.

I hate crisps and nibbles - surprisingly expensive.

I would try to find someone local to rock up at 10pm and circulate hot bacon butties if you want it informal.

I agree, that having kids there makes food more essential. Who wants kids moaning and crying that they’re hungry, that would definitely put a downer on things.

Also, thinking about things, that’s quite a late start for a party when kids are invited. You would be better having an earlier start, so those with kids can stay for 2-3 hours, before having to take them home (via McDonalds, if you haven’t provided any food), then you can really ramp up the party.

Love the username, matches the sentiment!

I wonder if it's a North / South party hardiness divide 😂

But hosting isn't solely about you, it's also about ensuring your guests have a good time and that they're comfortable - which generally involves providing food.

I mean, you're right that OP can do whatever she likes, but I would expect people to bugger off fairly early if there's nothing on offer. Alcohol makes you hungry - so does dancing - people will want to eat.

This. I would rather not have a party then di this. As a guest I'd be irrated, hungry and not stay long.

Is anyone talking full dinner?

I agree too.

I cant imagine dropping 2k on a party but then refusing to pod out another couple of hundred on some sandwich platters and a few bowls of crisps.

And what band is charging 1k?! Booked bands for pub entertainement for years and even the most expensive are only hitting that price for Xmas or NYE!

I think I'd order some sandwich platters from m and s or Waitrose...

Then I'd buy loads of dips and big bags of crisps/tortilla chips. Big bowls of nuts and olives. Loads of those pre cooked cocktail sausages. Pretty much no effort beyond opening packets and pouring into bowls.

People can easily eat before they join the party at 8/8.30? Surely, millions of people do this daily before they go to the pub or to a gig for the evening? If people are in the swing of a night out dancing they are not eating at the time - at nightclubs you don't see people looking around for the sausage roll table? They may grab a pizza or kebab at the end of the night though.

I think as long as the OP is clear in the invitation people will understand what to expect from that particular do.

Morrisons do a decent catering service (Food to Go) where you can pre order sandwiches platters /wraps / buffet food and collect on the morning. Don't know your numbers but you could easily order a loads of pre-done platters cheaply. We spent £100 on a last minute family gathering for 40 people and alongside crisps etc there was plenty and some left over.
Edit - obviously not a full meal but enough to give people the option

This isn't a bad idea.

I wanted to say that, once you're over 29, there should be some food at your parties ... and most won't be eaten! So it's madness to spend a lot on it (unless it's a dinner party, obvs) but it should be available. With kids in the mix, you need some finger food that they'll be allowed to eat.

Additional comment: some hot food - like the bacon sarnies, pizza or similar, does make people feel all warm and cared for. As the venue has a kitchen, you might be able to do a deal with them for one assistant to do a single, straightforward dish for everyone.

Would you take young kids to a gig though? Because the OP has included children who are happy to play games in the guestlist.

Live music and not much else will only suit certain people, and I'm not sure the OP's guest list is only made up of those people!

OP has said people will be travelling down and that there will be children and elderly parents attending - yes, they can eat beforehand but IMO it's spectacularly poor hosting not to at least offer people something to eat.

You can't compare a hosted event like a party to something like a pub, club or gig, where you're expected to organise everything yourself. You also wouldn't take young kids to a gig starting at 8.30pm!

I think the variety of answers reflects that this entirely depends on what you feel your guests might expect.

I would like to provide easy to eat light nibbles. Vol au vents, all manner of things on skewers, cured meats. Get rid of the live band ( that alone would have me running for the hills!) and have some people from the venue handing them round. Maybe do several lots of service this way. Encourages people to mix.

The thought of a buffet table groaning under the weight of 'pots of chilli' and curry and baked potatoes 🥔 and chips and sausage rolls is a little bit off putting so late at night.

I am a hungry introvert, obviously.

You don't HAVE to provide food but you will find people either 1) arrive late as they'll go out forndinner or 2) leave early to go find food. The ones who don't, will just get smashed by 11pm.

I'd order 20 pizzas and be done with it.

Me too 😁

Of course you need to feed your guests. If you can't afford it then cancel the event.

Well without any of us knowing the guest list / ages and distances involved it's all speculation.

I'm not sure the OP said the elderly parents will actually be there (and if they are anything like my parents they would certainly have eaten by 6pm😀)

The OP wants a night listening and dancing to music. She said it's starting at 8-8.30 so obviously the parents are happy to take the children there for then and presumably they won't have held them back from eating until that point? I have taken my tween/teen kids to gigs and just fed them beforehand.

Personally, I think if she could get some pizzas delivered midway that would probably be the best option to soak up booze & keep people energised. I can see why she doesn't want to cater a full on buffet though as at boozy parties like that I have seen the food waste myself on previous occasions.