Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

I went to loads of 40ths and 50ths and there was always food of some description!

Cheese platters are a good idea. Just don't do what they did at a party me and DH went to in a super up-its-own arse place in Soho in London a few years ago. The invite said something like nibbles, so we didn't eat before going, as it started around 7 so we thought we'd go for dinner after. The nibbles were one cheese platter with five normal size cheeses on it, no butter, and maybe 30 crackers, for a room of at least 50 people all drinking copious amounts of champagne and wine. We snuck out unseen after an hour before we got too drunk on empty stomachs and had a wonderful Italian meal nearby. If they had just said NO FOOD it would have been fine, we would have eaten something before or brought something.

There was a thread on here the other day where a future mother in law was aghast at the luxury of her sons engagement party. But one of the things she mentioned was Morrisons platters which she seemed to think would have been a better option than the lovely canapes and dessert table which her son and future dil had. So, it might be worth having a look at the supermarkets to see if this would be an easy option?

Most would at least some nibbles. You don't have to spend a fortune just a few nibbles. Sausage rolls and little cocktail sausages etc you can just bung in the oven.These always go down well and not expensive. I find they go down better than crisps. I would'nt go to a party without eating anyway. But if some have had to travel they might not have eaten before arriving.

If you cant provide food, dont have a party. Its a bit pants to have a party without food. Even if its just some canapes and crisps.

And a cake presumably?

So you are basically inviting your friends to a big hall with music?

Pitch it as a dessert buffet?

Then people will know to eat their main meal before hand. You can provide cakes / donuts / bowls of sweets etc and ask people to bring a desert to add to the mix?

The OP has said she's a music person so the band is key for her. It's her party so she's allowed to make that choice!

OP Costco do perfectly decent and reasonably priced platters of sandwiches etc. Maybe something like that would be good to avoid people getting moany about it. As I've already said, I've prioritised a band over food before for the same reason as you. But it looks like there are a lot of people who'd be horrified by that so there you go.

What's wrong with this?!

Well I've done parties with the 'Eat before you come ... nibbles only' msg Writ large 😂.
I'm not aware that anyone didn't come because of this ... at all.
it's party, not a dinner.

sorry based on your update I am even more firm on the option you need to provide food. people are travelling kids are invited your parents are elderly. and you are spending 2k. my birthday party was 1k and that was at home. provided food drink and Spotify played in background. of it was me I wouldn't bother with the band get a dj instead. nothing is worse than a band too loud for the venue and you have to shout to talk to people..if yoir venue is a room off a pub you will find most guests will move to somewhere quieter so they can talk and no one will be listening to the band

If you go down the just nibbles route I’d do large cheese boards with grapes, crackers etc and cake.

Much more filling than crisps etc. You can make the boards look really pretty.

Nothing in and of itself, but there are children, elderly parents and travelling guests attending - they need to be provided with somewhere to sit and eat and rest. That's hosting 101.

What about ordering pizzas to be delivered to the venue?
For £200 (depending on your numbers, this could be less) you could get a good stash from e.g. Domino's.

Order pizza to be delivered for 9.30pm 🍕

Sit, eat and rest?! They coming to a live music party not a funeral!!! I am sure they can organise dinner themselves before the party as fully functioning adults, and can sit down all by themselves - honestly! The pandering and nannying..

It depends how old they are but if little you would probably have arranged to eat earlier on the journey if they still usually have tea at 5pm rather than wait for an evening party. If they are teenagers they would probably have demanded McDonalds at the services on the way.

If the invitation is clear that it's a dancing and drinks party they won't expect to be fed and will eat in advance ready to hit the dancefloor.

This is the cheapest venue I can find! There's no village type hall in my town, and none of the pubs have a private hire room, and all the venues are the same kind of price, around 1k I've been looking for months and have tried everything.
I don't like Spotify playlists, I love live music and want a decent band which is another 1k

Wow.
Even less sympathy now. At first, I presumed you were on a really tight budget.

Yes, I am with everyone who thinks you need to provide food.

I hosted a party earlier in the year. The pub let us have the room for the cost of the 'cleaning fee' (£35) as long as they took X amount behind the bar (I think it was £300, which clearly was pretty easy). It wasn't the poshest of pubs, but we had our own room filled with our own family and friends so it doesn't really matter. We made a playlist on Spotify which kept the dancefloor full all night. Caterers we looked at for a buffet varied from £4.50 - £12 a head. So even if you catered at the top end of the scale, this would come in SO much cheaper than a band.

I think you are trying to scrimp on the wrong thing.

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

Yes you do need to feed people. Sounds like you can't actually afford to hire a venue, or band. Why not just host in your home?

Parties with a few bowl of crisps (ugh, that word "nibbles" - we are not squirrels). are like going back to student days.

If a kid is young enough to have tea at 5pm, they'll normally be in bed by 7, not out dancing at a late-night party - they'll need food.

I'm genuinely really surprised that so many people think that hosting a party no longer actually means keeping your guests comfortable by providing them with food, drink and somewhere to sit

Oh my god you would SCRAP the band because you can’t talk!!!! You are not supposed to be talking but dancing, having fun and singing!

I feel like so few have been to proper parties with real live music 🎶 Certainly wouldn’t choose a crusty old buffet from Morrisons over a real band 😱😱😱😱😱

They need a babysitter 🙄🙄

If it's big birthday that people are travelling to get to, I think food would be expected! That's different to inviting a bunch of local friends out for drinks - they could easily feed themselves beforehand.

You talk about inviting kids and putting out games for them... Regardless of how old they are, no child ever behaved well when starving. Also, if it's a live music and dancing with drinks and no food sort of evening... do you really want kids there?

Are all your proposed guests as into music as you are? I get the impression you're inviting loads of people who know you through different reasons and perhaps don't all have the same interests. Your average guest who isn't that fussed about music is going to be pissed they made the effort to travel for you and didn't get fed.

If only a handful of your friends love music as much as you, it might be better if you all went to a gig together. For something like live music, you want to share it with the friends who really get it.

I think you need to compromise on something.

Does it have to be family friendly? Making it 'no kids' makes the 'no food, only drinking' aspect more reasonable.
Does it have to involve so many people or can you keep it local? If people aren't travelling, they'll have lower expectations.
What if you have a closed bar but you feed people food? Everyone wants to be fed. People are generally happy to buy their own drinks, especially if they don't have to buy you a present. You could maybe do a set amount of drinks with food/on arrival but everything else has to be paid for.

Oh my god you would SCRAP the band because you can’t talk!!!! You are not supposed to be talking but dancing, having fun and singing!

It isn't a gig, it is a party. Most people like to catch up with other friends / family member as well as dancing and singing.
I totally agree with @rumred

I think OP should have the band and venue she wants, but she needs to bite the bullet and do some food as well. She says she's not "comfortable" with the expense but not that she couldn't afford it. So in for a penny, in for a pound.

Do it right and make the party memorable for all the right reasons.

People will stick around longer to enjoy themselves and are less likely to get rat-arsed too quickly if there's food.