Party - do I have to feed people?

[Dawevi]

I'm having a big party for an upcoming big birthday, hiring a venue and getting a band or DJ but that is quite expensive. I was looking at catering prices and realise that it will push the party into a price bracket that I'm really uncomfortable with. I was wondering if a party starts at 8:00 or 8: 30 do I really need to feed people?

If I was really clear on the invitations to eat before you come (I'm not sure how I would word this, suggestions are welcome please) then do you think people would be okay with that?

For previous big birthdays I have catered but things are different financially now.

Alternatively, I wondered about just providing bowls of nibbles on the tables.

What do you think? If you went to a party would you be cross if you had to you eat before you went?

I think there should be food of some description, yes. I went to a wedding years ago where there was no food served in the evening at all and mostly when remembering it people just say they were really hungry!

I think if you specified it was "Drinks and nibbles" on the invite and just put out some platters of cold food that would be fine. It doesn't necessarily have to be really expensive. But I would definitely offer something.

I would do a big cheeseboard with crackers, plenty of bowls of crisps and nuts, a platter of charcuterie/cold meats and some trays of sandwiches. I've done similar before for around £100 for 50 people. It's not fancy, but it gets people fed. And I would make sure there is enough to offer to feed the DJ/band too!

Going against the grain here, but I’d be totally fine with it as long as I had been warned to eat first. Party food to me, however expensive and well done always feels a bit grim to me when it’s sitting out so the only way you would get me to eat anything would be to pay to have someone circulating with it which sounds out of budget. After 8.30 people don’t tend to eat anyway and people wouldn’t eat during a gig if that’s the vibe you are going for…Happy special birthday! Pretty sure your loved ones will be more happy at the invite and the opportunity to dance the night away than they would be listening to a Spotify playlist whilst eating some crusty looking sandwiches!

Where's me din-ner? Still 'aven't 'ad me pud-deen'! (Grandad from Bread)

Scrap the band, get food. I dislike bands at parties - too loud (can't chat) and overstay their welcome. Spotify is ace. Such a massive range of music, I love making playlists. You've probably got a mate who'd do it for you.
No food screams cheapskate to me, sorry. Get a load of chips. And maybe a nice side of mushy peas 😁

Pretty sure your loved ones will be more happy at the invite and the opportunity to dance the night away than they would be listening to a Spotify playlist whilst eating some crusty looking sandwiches!

You can have food at a party and dance. They don’t actually chain you to the buffet table.

It might sound dramatic but personally I would reevaluate the friendship if I was a guest, just because there's such a mismatch in values. This kind of thing does seem more common in the UK or at least England from what I've seen.

You said there are children attending, can you pay a teenager or two to put readymade pizzas and such and in the oven at the venue, then pass trays to guests? Perhaps a close friend would help out too, I definitely would for someone.

If you have a Costco near you apparently they're good for catering platters. Cold things you can do yourself would be crudités, dips, wrap sandwiches cut into pinwheels, cheese cubes, mini quiches or frittata, pâté and the normal olives, crisps and nuts. How many are you expecting to attend?

We went to a similar sounding party last night and they put on a cheese platter and it was perfect - I'd be amazed if they spent £100 in total but it was plenty and well received after a few drinks! They provided:

Lots of Baguettes
Big Cheese board
Grapes & Figs
Nuts
Butter & Chutney
Huge bowl of Chocolates

Yes you do. If you can't afford it don't host.

Sounds like an excellent idea. Throw in some charcuterie and some fancy pickles and I can't imagine that anyone would complain (well, someone probably would but there's always one!).

Alternatively, if you have a card (or know someone who does) CostCo does very good party platters.

I can’t imagine hosting a party and not providing food. People will have travelled, food is a focal point and soaks up the alcohol. Mainly though, it is hospitality. It is saying you care about the comfort of your guests, you want them to have lovely food, a drink and convivial atmosphere. Live bands are often pretty crap and won’t cater for all your guests. Spotify does a very good job for nothing.

@Dawevi It doesn't sound like you can have the party you want when it comes to the number of people and style of music and still be a gracious host, which you need to be when people are making time to attend and celebrate with you. You'll have to compromise somewhere, that's just all there is to it.

Yes that does include food and drink of some description, not just nothing or the 'invitation' to go to Wetherspoons beforehand.

As long as you are clear on the invitation no food is fine. I always eat before we go out to line my stomach and never eat much anyway unless I'm going to something like a bbq which is food orientated.

I think it also depends on the age of guests
teens/20s happy for drinks only maybe grab a kebab on way home
30s crisps
40s and above like to see a 'spread'

Could you say something like 'please join me for an evening of drinks and dancing' then maybe have a bday cake so people can have a slice of something at 9.30/10

I've just seen that there are children attending this event? Hangry kids at your birthday party? This is mental.

My Db recently had a party for his 50th he had
Cheese / Cheese and Onion / Ham Cobs
Big bowls of chips
A wall of crisps all different sorts
Sweet cart with all old fashioned sweets
For Dd’s 18th party we got food platters from Costco we had sandwiches and wraps and the venue did pizza slices and bowls of fries

You are hosting guests so that does include food in my opinion
Not a full meal but definitely some lighter foods like sausage rolls, olives, nuts
French bread and cheeses etc
Otherwise you'll have pissed guests, leaving early to get food and not returning.

Same here

Absolutely - kids need feeding. And if people are travelling, they won't necessarily have time to stop for food on the way.

I honestly don’t get spending 1K on a band and offering no food. Bizarre.

Have been to a 50th where they had a band and had a load of pizzas delivered later on

Did food for my DHs 30th and remember an absolute ton of wastage!

I've been to loads of parties / nights out without food over the years. Especially if it starts after 8pm

Seems odd to me to be happy to spend £2K on a party, but not the extra couple of hundred to lay on a bit of food.

And yes, if there are kids there, there needs to be something.

OP you need to do what suits you.

I think it's interesting that some people have posted about liking food at a party as it gives them something to do.

I would always provide food at a party but I am a bit of a feeder tbf. Again, I would prioritise that over a live band (esp if the live band cost £1k!) but that's me and I’m not you.

I would maybe reconsider the band if cost is a concern tho. £1k for a band seems like ever such a lot. I've never been at an event (wedding etc) where the band was better than actual recordings of dance music I love. Even a covers band. Would rather dance to actual Dexy's and Grease and Abba (or whatever you like dancing to). Just a thought.

Is anyone else equally astonished at £1k to hire a room for a night? How big is this room? I've checked out (just for fun) a few local pubs near me and the prices are more around the £3-400 mark and a lot of those include a DJ. They tend to be 100-150 capacity tho, maybe your venue is bigger?

Yes you need to at least provide snacks.

8:30 is not late also and people may think that dinner/food will be provided.

But there are kids attending and people travelling down for the party - they likely won't have had time to stop for food and will expect something.

Have you checked the cost of bought-in party platters - maybe it won't be as expensive as you think.

It's usual at an evening do for the band/DJ to have a break and that's when you can bring out the food, then after that it's back into the swing of things. Gives the evening a bit of flow and everyone can recharge.

People get hungry late in the evening, even if they've eaten dinner beforehand, especially if dancing!

There being kids there makes food more essential imo. Seems utter madness to spend that kind of money on a party, with not even a simple finger food spread. No need to spend a fortune. I'd be a bit miffed to find nothing to eat.
Are you putting up some drinks, or is it a bar? I'd be even more miffed to find neither food nor drink provided.