What's the most ridiculous thing you've even been accused of?

[NavyPombear]

Just that really, Something so obviously nonsense that you couldn't believe anyone would take it seriously.

For me without doubt, it was when my parents thought I'd robbed a bank.
I was 17 and at school at the time of the robbery......

To this day I'm not entirely convinced they believe I wasn't involved 🙄

One ex claimed I either had a double/undeclared twin sibling or I was a secret lesbian picking up women in a lesbian bar in town when he wasn't seeing me because I'd 'been seen by multiple people'. Not entirely sure where I'd stashed the children for that, as I could have sworn I hadn't had a single night away from them for years by that point.

Then there were usual prejudices against lower paid (and female) staff in the workplace - any time something went missing, it had to be the lowest paid woman, not the ones who had fancy clothes and went on holidays.

The one that offended me most, though, was that I'd apparently hidden some money to upset somebody because she'd ignored me explaining the shortcomings of their cash security system. No, fuck off, I was telling her in private that there were places where I thought security procedures should be better - it was a fluke that she lost a few hundred quid for a week shortly afterwards and I found it stuffed into a folder she'd not checked either before filing or after she'd realised the money was missing.

I was told I was a racist because there was no availability for a group of lads (early 20s) to play table tennis at the leisure centre I worked at when I was 19. They were fairly regular customers but would never book in advance they would always just rock up and expect a table to be set up there and then which was a bit of a pain for the floor staff, but usually doable even if they had to wait 15/20 mins. We did ask them to book in advance even just by half an hour so the floor staff could have advanced warning but they never did. That day the entire building (bar the gym and pool/sauna) was booked for an event over the weekend so set up was already underway and every room was booked so there was no space. They didn't like the fact I (probably with some snark) said if they'd rang like we asked them to they wouldn't have wasted a visit. They started kicking right off calling me a racist and wanting to speak to a manager, luckily he was behind reception anyway and heard the whole thing and told them in a round about way to fuck off and he would be putting a note on their profile so if they pulled anything like that again they would be banned from all the leisure centres (council) in the borough.

A colleague of mine repeated some gossip to me then the following day accused me of having repeated it to someone else. I said I hadn't and she clearly didn't believe me. I hadn't repeated whatever it was, it wouldn't even have occurred to me to do so but she was gaslighting me and saying 'I'll never tell you anything again, ever.' In the end I just let her get on with it. She ws a nasty bully anyway.

When I was about 17 I went to party at the local village hall. I went to the toilet and as I pulled my trousers down my lighter- which was in my pocket- fell out and went under the neighbouring cubicle. It was close enough for me to reach so as I grabbed it, I shouted "Sorry" and went on my way!
The next day I found out the girl who was in the next cubicle had her small child in there with her and told everyone I had tried to set her daughter's nappy alight!?!

I mean, really! 😂

Jack Whitehall accused me of stealing his shoelaces.

Something else.

I had a friend when I was 22-23 and we had been friends for 3-4 years, socialising together, partying together, going on holiday together - and with 4 or 5 other friends, and even double dating with brothers and blokes who were friends.

I went to her house this one day (she still lived with her mum and I had my own flat,) and stayed for a coffee. We went to her bedroom to chat for an hour. I went back to my flat (10 minutes walk away,) and half hour later the phone rang, and she said 'why did you do it?' I said 'what?' She said 'did you think I wouldn't miss it?' I said 'what? Miss what?!' She said 'you know exactly what. The fifty pounds you took from my bedroom drawer. (Around £200 in today's money.) '

I said 'what? I never took anything. When would I have taken it?' 'When I was making coffee' she said. I pleaded with her to believe me but she said no way did I not take it and she never wanted to see me again. 'Don't ring me, don't write to me, don't ever call at my house again' she said.

Next day I had the police knocking on my door questioning me and saying they wanted to look around my flat. They searched my handbag, my pockets, my drawers, my cupboards, the works. They found nothing. They said 'don't leave town in the next 28 days!' I had done nothing wrong! I heard nothing else after that and she never contacted me. Her sister and mum and brother crossed the street to avoid speaking to me. I knew her brother from school and had always got on with him. I was so upset.

Long story short, I came home one day (after about 4 months had passed,) and there was a message on my answerphone from her saying she 'wants to talk.' I rang her and said 'yeah.....?' Turns out the fifty pounds had fallen down the back of the drawer somehow and she found it when she was looking for something else. She said 'so you can come round if you want.'

I gasped, and then half-laughed. I said 'errr no thanks. I'll give it a miss. I've got better things to do with my time!' And I put the phone down on here. Cheeky cow didn't even say sorry for calling me a thief, and shutting me out of her life for 4 months!

.

Accused of giving DH (then DBF) a BJ at my mothers wedding reception, outside on a picnic bench in full view of all the windows.
I was accused by my step dads mother who had met me once and had alzheimers but still fucking questioned about it! I'm still raging and this was 20 years ago.

My best friend confided in me that her husband was seeing another woman. She then accused me of telling a woman we both knew, a notorious gossip. It wasn't me, it was someone else she had told that spread the news. She then accused me of not paying her enough attention. At the time my DM was dying of cancer and I didn't know what day it was, I was in such a state.
We sort of patched things up but I never thought the same of her and our friendship fizzled out.

Someone who was once a very good friend of mine got very drunk at a party and had a dreadful argument with her partner. The next few weeks she then proceeded to tell everyone who had been at the party that she was not drunk but my husband and I had spiked her and her partners drinks in order to have sex with them! Utterly ridiculous we are so boring, no way would we be like that! She not only told our friends this but then started to tell other parents at our children’s primary schools that this happened to her. My friends and I made the decision to go NC with her but we live in a small town and do bump into her, she claims to have no idea why nobody speaks to her anymore! We are not the first group of people who have made the decision to distance ourselves from her.

Being a nymphomaniac. By an angry ex who couldn't believe I'd broken up with him after seven years of literally no sex. I didn't cheat on him or look elsewhere. Just put up with having a flatmate who expected me to cook and clean for him. Apparently the fact I could tell him the exact date we'd last had sex meant I was obsessed with it.

It has been my 25th birthday. By part way through my thirties it was a good reason (among many) to say goodbye.

'What's the most ridiculous thing you've even been accused of?'

Being less resilient than an lettuce, when in reality I am more akin to a sugar beet, and they (and me) last almost indefinitely - unless, of course, a sugar beet is subject to a general election. 🙁

My aunt was looking after me and my cousin was maybe 18 months at the time and I heard her wake up from a nap and so I went in to see her.

My aunt walked in later to see me playing with her and of course accused me of waking her up and all day I had nasty passive aggressive comments made to me about what a horrible child I was. I was either 6 or 7 at the time.

Making my mum miss her dinner in the hospital by arriving around 5pm. Yes that's right my mum was annoyed I was born at dinner time and she missed dinner. She used to mention it quite regularly.
As you can imagine I had a lovely childhood (not!)

Worked in a nursery looking after a child who was delayed with her walking, aged 5 she started to walk, I was delighted for her and her parents it was a special day (she was walking a bit at home but never at nursery) I was teary and brought everyone in to show them.

Apparently a “colleague” was telling everyone that I was taking the credit that I had gotten the child to walk! Ridiculous it was just their time to walk and I can’t believe they were trying to spoil a happy moment.

Lying about having had McDonalds when I was about 18. My mum said I'd made it up to get out of eating dinner and insinuated I had an eating disorder. I had had the McDonalds. Still rankles.

My mother was convinced I had sex during highschool with my various boyfriends. I never did,I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18. She found out I hadn’t because she read my diary (!) and I talked about wanting to wait as I felt I wasn’t ready.

My mil denied doing and saying some truly horrendous and vile things during a family meeting. The implication that I was lying when she knows exactly what she said and did makes me rage. Stupid really because if she’d apologised sincerely I would have let her back in my daughter’s life. But she’s shown she can’t be trusted so I’m staying no contact.

Accused of smashing a vase as a child. It later turned out it was the cat on the mantlepiece!

I think you always remember times things were blatantly unfair!

Maybe next time 😂

A lighthearted one:
When I was about 8 my mum used to take my friend and I swimming every week. One week on the bus we sat opposite a peculiar old woman who said to my mum that my friend and I weren't wearing any knickers!
My mum said, in her best middle class voice, I can assure you that my daughter and her friend ARE indeed wearing knickers!

I was once accused of taking a coffee and walnut cake (homemade and delicious if I say so myself) into work on that particular day because my batshit crazy colleague was day off. She said she knew I'd only taken that day so she couldn't have any.

She deleted me off facebook. Oh the injustice 😱😂

My mother is a narc and is always accusing me of things I haven't done (I'm now nc)

When I was about 12,she got an itemised phone bill and saw that someone had rang new york on the landlines
It was me apparently
I didn't know anyone in new york!

She had a wall hanging/bookcase thing hanging on the landing wall
It was full of mini bottles of booze
I was accused of drinking all the clear bottles (about 30 of them) topping them up with water and replacing them
I was 8 years old at the time,didn't show up pissed at school and somehow topped them up with water before putting them back-unseen by her which was impossable-she had eyes everywhere

Years later,I took the kids on a caravan holiday about 70 miles from home
The kids where with me and I was heavily pregnant
I got a phone call,she was ranting that I'd stolen £350 from under her safe (not in the safe) and how I was an 'evil thief who should rot in hell'
I pointed out I was 70 miles away and couldn't have physically done it
She put the phone down on me and when we got home,she'd told everyone I'd got up early,walked to the bus stop (about a mile away from the site) riden the bus to her house,let myself in without waking anyone up,stole the money and got back on the bus and back before the kids woke up-all while being 8 months pregnant
People believed her!
I took months of shite before it died down again-and she tried to make me pay it back
(My money is on my drug addict brother who would sell anything that's not nailed down-he lived with her at the time)

Her engagement ring walked out of the house and she found a pawn slip with the name S Blue written on it
So,by her way of thinking my dd (who was 9) had stolen it,walked to the pawn shop (she didn't even know what a pawn shop was) pawned it and kept the money for sweets
Nothing to do with druggie brother who shared the same first initial and surname as dd

I told her where to go 13 years ago,so up poped the smear campaign
I'm an unpaid sex worker-dp is my unpaid pimp (it's just another way of saying I sleep about-i dont)
I'm a druggie (I don't do drugs)
I'm an alki (I have a baileys at Christmas)
I'm a thief (I'm not)
I don't work full time,I'm too busy shagging about,dealing drugs and flogging all my stolen goods
And much more but I ignore it

The best came from dd herself
We lived in a private estate and down the road was a council estate (context-im not a snob)
She'd gone to buy herself some sweets and had gone to the shop via the council estate
An old man,who'd she'd never met before,came running out of his house,grabbed her arm and started screaming at her that she'd shat behind his wheelie bin
She screamed and ran all the way back home
We did ring the police for assault but nothing came from it as he denied touching her
Shitting behind someone's wheelie bin has to be a new low!

Tons of women call the police to report their partner whenever there's a violent crime. What's more surprising is the number of love letters sent to serial killers by women who have never met them (so the only thing they've heard about the guy is that he's violent).

To be fair, I would have also felt personally singled out and furious with you if I hadn't gotten to eat any delicious coffee cake either. Bridges. burned.

I misdialed a phone number once, the women who answered wouldn't accept I'd just misdialed and was accusing me of having an affair with her husband. She even called me back after I hung up demanding to know who I was .

I was once accused of throwing someone's books in the bin at school. Totally ridiculous. Even the teachers thought I had done it. So dumb.