How do I explain LBTQ+ club to my year 7 son?

[elliejjtiny]

Ds4 is 11 and in year 7. He likes to go to clubs at lunchtime, mostly because if you are going to a club you can go to the front of the dinner queue. Ds4 is disabled so he usually ends up at the back of the queue otherwise.

Anyway, one of the club's is the LBQT+ club. Only he doesn't understand what the club is. I asked him what they do there and he said they play games, make badges and sometimes there is cake. He has been asking me what the letters mean but I don't know what to tell him. I could explain about families with 2 mum's or 2 dad's but that seems not quite right when the people going to the club are secondary school aged and I would have thought a large proportion of them are there to get out of the cold and for free cake. Also I have no idea how to explain the other letters to a child who doesn't understand the concept of sex/relationships yet. I'm very conscious that whatever I tell him will be repeated and I don't want him accidentally offending anybody.

We don't know any LBQT+ people apart from 2 of his teachers so I can't say that being trans is like uncle Dave who used to be Auntie Davina or explain that being gay is like Amelia from school who has 2 mums.

Well said.

It’s not always about you

So exactly what is your issue. The space is open for all. Depending on the children, remember children there that will lead it's activities. Which generally are about acceptance, self esteem, anti-bullying. The level of pure ignorance and scare mongering is absolutely a lesson in how fecking little critical analysis skills adults have.

Hopefully their offspring has more.

@Marblesbackagain yes children have access to all those things. Groups for children based on sexuality are a safeguarding risk.

How do you know they will be learning this anyway. It should be a safe non-judgemental place where they can discuss things they can't talk about at home (not at your home clearly).

I just can't remember all the letters. That's why I missed the G.

So your solution is to oppose under representative groups without a family safe space,?

Yep we did that for generations, it led to suicide and significant number of people pretending to be straight.

So nope that's not the solution.

If anyone doesn't want their child learning about the wide array of people in our lives, family, community them home school.

Maybe your son goes to the club because he feels he is LGB+. It sounds like you don't provide opportunities at home to talk about it so maybe he's playing dumb? Unless there is a SEN element of course.

I query whether there is an age appropriate way to explain to young children, without reinforcing harmful stereotypes, that some people believe in they have a gendered essence or soul.

I don’t understand how an eleven year old can have literally no concept of sex or relationships unless they were homeschooled or removed from RSE lessons.

I assume his disability must involve some SEN or learning disability as primary school curriculum covers topics around LGBTQIA at a relevant level for age.

Have you read any books or watched any TV with him that addresses this, aimed at a younger age group than he is at if that is more appropriate for his understanding?

Have you named what the initials stand for?

At secondary I would expect there to be kids there "with 2 mums", to get to the front of the lunch queue and because they identify as LGBTQIA themselves or are curious.

Well yeah, I know, but they don't get into the weeds on it. It's a little bit of 'people who were born a boy/girl but now feel they are a girl/boy'. Leans heavily into gender stereoptypes alright and my (then) 6 year old DS did come home saying he thinks he's a 'little bit trans' after it, because he likes sparkles, pink and purple and likes to play with the girls as well as the boys. Cue a conversation about how boys and girls can like whatever they want to like, which we've had many, many times before, especially in his phase of wearing a Cinderella princess dress. He shrugged it off and hasn't mentioned it since (2 years later).

But I agree, it's not helpful.

In any case, I doubt the OP's son has managed to avoid it this long!

What a grim state of mind to have

In fairness to whoever is running the club, they probably wouldn't consider the possibility that an 11 yo doesn't understand the concept of a same sex relationship and has never been taught the meaning of the word "gay".

Suggesting that every relationship is about getting married is really unhelpful and is only going to further confuse the issue. If he genuinely does not understand the concept of a romantic relationship (although I suspect OP is either very naive or lying about this) she needs to start from the beginning and teach him what a relationship is. And he does also need to know what sex is.

This is clearly some sort of homophobic wind up.
No child who has been schooled in a mainstream school and raised in any Western country can have got to age 11 with no concept of what being gay is.

Do you...Do you know what pansexuality means?

They shouldn't have to know about LGTBQ at the age of 11!! For goodness sake I honestly give up on this world. Let children be children before they have it consistently thrown at them.

In the context of discussing the appropriateness of him attending a school club in year 7, parent really doesnt need to be woke or into a discussion about the thousand levels of relationship. Unless the child leads the discussion to one night stands, thruple, civil partnership - and OP has a brain, she can decide. Jeez.

You do you.

Let her sort thru the various MN posts and let her decide. This is not a discussion about sex, is it? It’s about a school club.

I'd get him a front of queue pass so he doesn't get pushed to the back and doesn't have to go to all the clubs - it must be exhausting for him!
I'd also ask him to remove himself from the LGBT+ club.
The TQ+ have overtaken the LGB clubs and are teaching all sorts of nonsense e.g. the stonewall riots were NOT started by a transwoman, as is currently the story.
The Queer Theory they teach is anti-woman and anti-family - it's all about breaking down family structures which of course enables preditors.
Trans is dangerous, especially to young, impressionable children who will believe you can be 'born in the wrong body', which is a LIE. Young gay kids are being tricked into a lifetime of medication, sterilisation and are left with no sexual function - it is disgusting.

I always thought that the Q in LGBTQ stands for Questioning but have googled based on this thread and can see it stands for either that or Queer. Every day's a school day.

I feel a little concerned at your inability to step outside of your own comfort zone in order to explain and discuss 'difficult' topics with your child. I think it is time you started practising this skill, as my experience of raising an adolescent suggests that you may need to broach far more 'tricky' and complex issues quite soon.

What you don't think 11 year olds should know that some people fancy people of a different sex, and others fancy people of the same sex? REALLY? You really don't think 11 and 12 years olds should know that?

Oh don't be silly - they all get taught at primary school that some people are gay, and they all know perfectly well what LGBTQ club is. And if it lets you jump the lunch queue and offers cake I'm sure it will be popular beyond the intended demographic.

Assuming they don’t isn’t appropriate either, particularly in the context of OP’s post.
OP hasn’t said so we don’t know.

It may not be a physical disability that puts him at the back of the lunch queue, it may be lack of executive function. Both need support and school seems to be failing the child here.

My autistic DS doesn’t have a physical or an intellectual disability, but he is disabled. Disability comes in different forms.

I have an 11 year old. I have news for you. They know all about LGBTQ, Pride. Same sex rights because they have been raised thankfully in a more open space.

My 11 year son wants to have Taylor swift as his girlfriend because she has cool cats, 😭.

So attraction starts early. Yes there can be same sex crushes but generally people know where their attraction lies at this age. Not all people but generally.

Sexuality is not just about sex. It is about identify and by that let me clearly state, identity as in their sexuality is not necessarily a defining feature. It doesn't mean conforming to any stereotypes.

This message is absolutely key. Consider an 11 year old boy he is gay, he knows he is gay because puberty is taking place. He is also the soccer star in his school.

Now where is his visible examples? Groups like this fill that gap. That is why 11 year olds need this space.