Quick straw poll. A 12yo coming home from school to an empty house on their birthday?

[Crunchymum]

12yo / year 7.

Will be coming home from school to an "empty house" but will be getting changed and walking round aunts house where there will be a birthday cake / dinner etc with the whole family.

Parent 1 is at work and parent 2 has to drop another child at a club so usually drops in to see their sibling why they wait on that day. Sibling has agreed to have a mini party for the birthday child and grandparents will pop in.

Parent 1 wants Parent 2 to wait in (and the other child to miss club). Parent 2 thinks the child will be fine / or Parent 1 can book annual leave.

[I'm the sibling and more than happy to have them over for a few hours that afternoon]

child should miss club.

Or aunt should be there to meet the birthday child rather than them coming home to an empty house.

I'd opt for sibling misses club for a family event. I wouldn't outsource a birthday.

As you are the Aunt I would be there for child at the house.

Honestly I wouldn't have thought twice about this at 12. I guess it depends on the child?

Coming home to an empty house in your birthday is pretty crap

I have in similar circumstances negotiated to have a "birthday" a few days later.

So they will get home, change, and go out to a party straight away .Even with faffing, they will be alone 30 mins max. That's totally fine and Patent 1 is being very precious.

I'd take the kid's clothes round to the aunt's the day before then have them go straight there after school and get ready there.

Am I right that 12 y/o will come home, get changed and leave to walk to aunts?

If so, it must be very close. Why can’t parent 2 drop child to club and come home to greet birthday child, then head to aunts together for cake?

Or why can’t club child just miss club for bday party.

Yes, or this!

If the child was bothered about it I mean, if they weren't then there's no issue

Go straight to aunt's house? Bring street clothes to school then change in toilets or at aunties house? It's not really like he's staying in the empty house for anything other than changing/showering/toilet. So he can avoid needing to pop home if he just brings stuff or leaves stuff at hers the night before? Or he might not be fussed and is happy to pop home to change before his 'birthday'. It does not sound neglectful or horrible at all. The fact your so concerned about it shows you want him to have the best day possible.
You could leave a couple 'surprise' presents in the house for him to open on his own while he's getting ready? Especially if it's clothes/ toiletries/fragrance.

Why can't they just do birthday tea later so all can attend? We don't tend to interrupt normal weekday activities (including work) for birthday celebrations but slot them in around the regular commitments.

I invited my ds's friend (close friend but didnt see each other much outside of school) for a playdate when they were about 8. Gave the parent a choice of dates. I twigged when i was waiting outside the classroom that it was friends birthday that day, he was handing out sweets and i knew his birthday month.

i thought it was the strangest thing ever to send child on a playdate on his birthday. I was going to give them tea but wasnt then sure whether i should if they had anything planned for later. Parents were both working. I would not have minded him being there on birthday and would have got a cake or something but they didnt tell me!!!

I think it's totally fine, they're not going home to an empty house and being left there all evening! At 12 they can definitely understand the celebration is simply a little later.

Thanks for the views.

Just to clarify a few points.

• The birthday child is fine with it and it's only for as long as it takes child to get changed.
• Aunt (me) cannot be at the house myself for various boring reasons
• DC who goes to club cannot really miss a lesson as it's coming up to an exam
• Birthday DC will have various things they need to drop home (large musical instrument) so leaving clothes at mine won't work.

@Ellerby83 that is very strange 😮

I honestly don't think it's a big deal at that age and would definitely be led by the child

Yeah I think this is fine! At 12 my DS wouldn't have thought twice about going home, getting changed and coming straight out on his birthday. As long as there is a fuss made at some point it's all good.

Parents approach things very differently, but for positive reasons.

The kid might have been so pleased at the invitation the parents accepted even though it was a birthday, and the kid might have had a birthday thing planned at another time.

It's common to project 'weirdness' onto strangers, but it's often not weird at all if you knew the full thinking.

Depending on the time they leave for school could one of the parents do a very quick happy birthday display so that when they walk in the house at the end of the day there is a banner or balloons or a present to open? Of course at 12 they will be fine without but it's a nod to their special day.

So is it quite a walk to your house from theirs? I think it’s a bit sad.

the child might say they are ok with it now but they might actually feel it a bit on the day. Or later on look back and realise it’s a bit rubbish that both parents prioritised something/someone else on their birthday.

book a taxi from school to yours for them? Then take instruments home with parents later?

I can't work out what that emoji is?

Banners and balloons etc will be up for when they wake in the morning (both parents are there for gifts)

Child misses club as it's the other child's birthday. Obviously.

It's a less than 15 minute walk but I have a meeting with the SENCO immediately after my kids finish school that day. I'll be home to greet birthday child. Parent 2 will be back from club around the same time birthday child gets to my house and parent 1 will arrive at mine by 5.30pm for dinner and then cake.

We'd be expecting birthday child by 4.45pm based on the fact they get home at 4pm. My meeting is scheduled 3.30pm-4pm but my kids school is a good 25 minutes away from the birthday child's house.

We all live close by but the schools are in opposite directions.

I think it sounds absolutely fine! Birthday child is getting plenty of attention and fuss and managing to have a nice birthday celebration in spite of it being a week day birthday so all sounds lovely to me. I know my 12 year old would be absolutely fine with this arrangement