Quick straw poll. A 12yo coming home from school to an empty house on their birthday?

[Crunchymum]

12yo / year 7.

Will be coming home from school to an "empty house" but will be getting changed and walking round aunts house where there will be a birthday cake / dinner etc with the whole family.

Parent 1 is at work and parent 2 has to drop another child at a club so usually drops in to see their sibling why they wait on that day. Sibling has agreed to have a mini party for the birthday child and grandparents will pop in.

Parent 1 wants Parent 2 to wait in (and the other child to miss club). Parent 2 thinks the child will be fine / or Parent 1 can book annual leave.

[I'm the sibling and more than happy to have them over for a few hours that afternoon]

The 12 year old is getting presents in the morning to start his birthday off!

Parent 2 sounds like they aren’t bothered. I think there are so few important things in your life when you’re young - why would you not make a fuss over your kids birthday? Sibling misses club, obviously!

God mine would have hated this! They are 12 not 8.

There are thousands of year 7s who will be walking home on their birthday to an empty house because both their parents work. The celebrations can start when their parents get home, in that instance.

It Is only because it is just about possible to arrange this that it’s even a question. 12 year old knows he is loved and that his birthday matters.

This is a good idea. We usually have a birthday after school feast. But a maybe a nice ice-cream like a Cornetto or something they can eat on the way to their Aunt's.

Parent 2 doesn’t sound unbothered. Parent 2 is juggling the needs of two kids. Parent 2 has arranged with their (let’s face it:her) sibling to host a family birthday party. Parent 2 is (let’s face it again) probably sorting all the presents and balloons for the morning of the birthday.

What an odd thing to say.

I think it's fine, they are stopping off at home then coming to yours for the celebration with everyone. Sounds like a good solution, although other child could miss the activity for one day I'd think. I think birthday boy also might enjoy the independence on his 12th birthday.

I always used to take a day off or swap a day for my dc birthdays right up until they left home. I know not everyone can but I couldn’t stand the thought of them being alone.

I don’t think it’s the end of the world to be home alone for a little bit if it can’t be helped.

I don’t understand why the aunt is hosting a party for a child who is not hers.

If I was parent 1, I would be trying to finish early that day just so one parent can be home.

The parents are not making much effort at all and if I was the child I would feel quite put out by it.

It's all fine. Birthday child might appreciate a moment of calm on their own at home after school, before the party. It'll make them feel trusted and grown up to do this on their own

This is a really lovely idea!!

I can imagine how exciting it would be to come home and have a little gift waiting for you that you weren’t expecting.

For me it's depends on club.

It's easy to say miss it but if child is gymnast or swimmer or dancer and training would affect their comps or a group routine practice I don't think missing is is necessary.

Plenty of families celebrate birthdays on a weekend and not the day itself (other than gifts from parents)

Fail to see what the issue is.

Presumably that day every week they come home to an empty house when DC2 is at the class.

It's not as though they aren't celebrating the birthday. It's 15 minutes.

It all sounds lovely, and I can't see any issue.

This all seems completely fine, and I’m a little surprised anyone thinks otherwise. But then again I've never had a family where the whole world stops for birthdays and don't quite get the immense level of fuss some people make of them. Are people really taking half days off work to make sure their pre-teens don't have to spend 30 minutes of the day without someone there celebrating them?

Anyways, I think a party at your place with the family sounds lovely, and if the birthday child is on board I’d go with that.

I don’t understand why the aunt is hosting a party for a child who is not hers.

Because they are a close knit family? Because aunt has a bigger house?

But also - because the logistics work. Aunt lives close to ballet class so Parent 2 and sister can go straight to aunt’s house from class and meet birthday boy there, instead of coming home later and turning round to set up a family party. Grandparents are coming along and presumably parent 1 when he finishes work.

Not when there is a ballet exam coming up! It is really important they don't miss.

12 year old has already said they are fine about it. It's just getting changed. They'll already be used to the club commitment and are spending time with family. How long is the ballet class, an hour? My DD still goes to her dance classes on her own birthday.

If the child was upset that's one thing (although parent 1 should have then made arrangements to be home), but they're not so it's a bit of a drama over nothing.

No, you don’t just miss clubs for birthdays, you commit to training and rehearsal for sports, dance etc, you may well be letting down teammates and organisers as well as yourself. The OP has said it’s ballet with an exam coming up.

The 12 yo is presumably used to coming home on their own (and quite likely likes it, I loved it at that age and so did my DCs) so I don’t see what the problem is.

Can't child 2 get a lift to club that day?

Mine love a lift! I take them both to and from school (16 and 14) and even two friends as the bus service is awful and they can never get a seat. Pretty miserable standing for two 45 min journeys a day, especially with all their kit (DS had two musical instruments, a backpack and a sports bag today). BUT I do have the sense to park away from the school. Quite a few others get lifts as well because some students come from a long way.

Course they do ….high schools roads are full of parked cars at 3.30

My two actually asked for lifts instead of the inadequate bus. I park away from the school, obviously. I also save £1600 a year on bus passes so it's a win win for us.

Great comments about the bus passes and the parking outside schools, but this is a child who lives close enough to walk. So why would they want or need a lift?

I don’t understand why the aunt is hosting a party for a child who is not hers

Because she wants to and is happy to (and it seemed a valid work around) My sister will be paying for pizza for everyone!

Buses are free in central London with a Zip Oyster and child has a choice of 3 buses. We live very centrally so driving kids to school is genuinely not a thing.

In fact driving in general is not a thing. We use cars very little in day to day life living in Zone 1.

Anyway I do appreciate the opinions. My sister has told her husband to book the afternoon off if he feels it's necessary.

Sounds fine to me. The birthday child is not a baby and sounds happy with the arrangements. Admittedly we are not a family who make much of birthdays which probably colours my judgement but if coming home to an empty house is OK on any other day of the year then I can't see that doing it on the anniversary of your birth is a big deal. It's not like the birthday child is going to be sitting alone in a cold dark house for hours whilst the rest of the family is living it up somewhere else, they're dropping their bags off, getting changed and walking round to the home of an obviously loving family member. What's the issue? Lots of people, children included, don't really celebrate their birthdays much on the actual day anyway, but have a party at the weekend. I'm sure a 12 year old isn't going to be scarred by having a short gap between the end of school and their family celebration.