Quick straw poll. A 12yo coming home from school to an empty house on their birthday?

[Crunchymum]

12yo / year 7.

Will be coming home from school to an "empty house" but will be getting changed and walking round aunts house where there will be a birthday cake / dinner etc with the whole family.

Parent 1 is at work and parent 2 has to drop another child at a club so usually drops in to see their sibling why they wait on that day. Sibling has agreed to have a mini party for the birthday child and grandparents will pop in.

Parent 1 wants Parent 2 to wait in (and the other child to miss club). Parent 2 thinks the child will be fine / or Parent 1 can book annual leave.

[I'm the sibling and more than happy to have them over for a few hours that afternoon]

Course they do ….high schools roads are full of parked cars at 3.30

Great, in your area.

But not in the OP's and it's her local knowledge that's relevant here.

Mumsnet is just so weird about cars.

I think some posters think it's a sign of poverty if you walk or take public transport anywhere.

I think some posters think it's a sign of poverty if you walk or take public transport anywhere.

My dc loved the journey to and from school. I think for some secondary school children it's the only time they are with their friends without an adult.

I don't have a car but live in Central London. It's not a poverty issue, its a traffic issue. Although the cost is also now becoming more and more prohibitive to make us want to run a car. We could, we just chose not to.

(I will caveat to say I went PT after having my 3rd child, who is disabled so I won't pretend we're wealthy! But we're not on the breadline. Many, many Londoners don't have cars by choice! We rent cars when we need them or we take taxis etc)

Will the child have seen their parents, had presents and a bit of a fuss made before school on their birthday?
Is the 12yo used to coming home by themselves and happy with that arrangement?

I totally agree! And an in the same position

But Mumsnet is super weird about it is all I was saying

Edited - forgot to quote

The op addressed this in her third post at 0642 - Yes.

Why 'obviously' ?

Doesn't make any sense at all.

Of course this is fine.

I'm not sure why it is even a question. Perfectly normal in a busy family to arrange things around whatever else is happening, so most people can then enjoy it. This is just such a non-event if the 12 yr old normally comes into the house themselves.

Child misses the club. It’s a no brainer.

It’s very unlikely the club child is at national level. I don’t understand why any parent would put this before a birthday.

A birthday should be the one day that is all about the birthday child. It should feel special! Prioritising a club is telling the bday child that they don’t matter very much. Not exactly what most of us are aiming for.

We have our children for such a short time. Do not prioritise other trivial tasks over the opportunity to make a child feel loved and valued.

The 12 year old is valued! He’s getting balloons and presents in the morning and a party with his mum, sister, aunt and grandparents (and parent 1) in the evening.

And it’s not a “no brainer” otherwise everyone on the thread would agree with you…

@Crunchymum sounds like a good solution from your sister, have a great party, hiding the thread now as there’s nothing more to be said!

Sounds fine to me! A birthday is just another day, just because its his birthday doesnt mean the world has to grind to a halt. Anyway it's not like the boy is going uncelebrated!

I will never agree that a club is more important than a child’s birthday.

I think that it is weird that it is even being discussed. Don't make it a "thing" then the birthday child won't make it a "thing".

@NewName24 because a birthday trumps a club. Sorry you need that explained to you 🙄

From the OP's second post - so that is the reason - an exam is coming up. And it is a 12th birthday. It is not something major that everyone needs to change their routines for. I cannot see why some posters are going so OTT on this.

"Just to clarify a few points.

• The birthday child is fine with it and it's only for as long as it takes child to get changed.
• Aunt (me) cannot be at the house myself for various boring reasons
• DC who goes to club cannot really miss a lesson as it's coming up to an exam
• Birthday DC will have various things they need to drop home (large musical instrument) so leaving clothes at mine won't work."

I don't see what the big deal is, he's going to be in the house for all of 15 minutes to get changed then lock up and go.

Agree with this!

It isn't either or, both can easily be accommodated in this case, it's an important lesson that when you take up a hobby you commit to regular attendance. Birthdays do not trump all other commitments and that's an important lesson too.

Thank you @ExpertlyDecorated .

@AlwaysGinPlease I don't "need it explaining to me". I have brought up 3 dc, and they all understand they are part of a family of 5, and that we celebrate all of their (and our) birthdays on the day when we can do it best. They'd be made to feel special on the morning of their birthday; there would also be cake and candles in the evening of their birthday; there would usually be another 'birthday tea' with Grandparents / local relatives on the nearest weekend; then, when they were younger, their party with their friends.
They were all intelligent enough, and also emotionally intelligent enough to understand only 2 of those things happen on the day (usually - it might be 3 if their birthday were at a weekend), but that the world doesn't stop turning because it is anyone's birthday. Arrangements are made as part of family life. As @m00rfarm has copied and pasted for you, in case you missed the OP sharing, the 12 year old in this case is not missing out on anything.

Sounds utterly joyless.

Sounds utterly joyless.

A nice morning together.
Cake and candles on the day.
A family and relatives birthday tea.
A birthday party with friends.