Share the worst cake recipe you ever tasted

[SisterAgatha]

Someone I know copies everything I do and tries to pass it off as her own work. I can’t cut them out, I’m stuck with them blah blah blah.

finally after years of this, my friend said to start having some fun with it and share the worst Christmas cake recipe I can find. But I can’t find one sufficiently bad 🤣

Help me.

Add minced beef.

Hahahah funny! But it can’t be totally outrageous, has to be partly believable or she’ll know it’s a wind up. Thinking of maybe “add rogue ingredient to really bring out the flavours” etc

Not Christmas cake, but I made this at the weekend. Vile. It just tasted as if you’d eaten a spoon of treacle straight out of the tin, and I do actually like treacle.
It took hours, £’s in ingredients I’d bought especially, and it just ended up in the bin. Maybe rave about the recipe and see if they bake it.

www.janespatisserie.com/2019/09/28/sticky-toffee-loaf-cake/#commentform

How decent are they at baking? I.e. could you double up wet ingredients and they wouldn't recognise until they try to bake?

My mum once worked in a bakery - I use the term loosely - where they added gravy browning to the Christmas cake mixture to give it a 'rich colour.'

Now, traditional gravy browning is mainly brown sugar but I do believe it can have a dash of Worcester sauce in it too.

The baker was mainly known for his meat pies though. In fact, it was more of a pie shop that did a few really bad cakes. He also used lard in the buttercream for that kind of carnivore touch.

You could swap tablespoons for teaspoons with regards to salt if you think they wouldn't notice

I was once given a cheesecake (a Delia recipe) for dessert at someone's house and it had no sugar in the actual cake at all but was served with some kind of syrup that was just poured over it.
You could very much taste the salt in the cream cheese almost all cream cheese is salted which was not alleviated by the syrup topping. It didn't work at all...

Once I was served a parsnip cake made by someone who'd wanted to make carrot cake, but was out of carrots. Because parsnips are root vegetables so they're basically the same thing, right?

Turns out they're not

My mother more than once dropped the egg shell in with the rest of the egg when making cake mixture in the Kenwood mixer.

She thought it didn't really matter, the K beater would grind it down to a imperceptible powder. It didn't. Crunchy cake.

A friend once made a "chocolate" cake with carob, wholemeal flour and added a ton of cinnamon. It looked so delicious but tasted like burning concrete with a hint of sour chocolate. It was made in my honour so I had to choke it down. I've never really trusted chocolate cake since.

Ah, 'healthy' cake. I experimented with protein powder microwave mug cakes for a bit. Not very good.

Make it vegan? or healthy?
I know some vegan cakes can be ok but whenever I eat one I can't help thinking how much better it would be with proper butter and eggs in.
As for healthy, its cake - if you want healthy or low fat eat an apple

River Cafe chocolate nemesis when it was all the rage. Never, ever again.

I think that must have happened to a neighbour who brought me some of her renowned salted caramel ice-cream - I love salted this and that but oh goodness this was barely palatable!

This is so horrifying! And hilarious!

I know a person who uses lard in buttercream so that might be a goer 🤣

All of those magic two ingredient recipes are awful and often involve the dread spectre of mashed banana or some other squashed fruit or vegetable like pumpkin.

Burning concrete!

This is brilliant 🤣 I will have to Google what carob is!

Someone I know copies everything I do and tries to pass it off as her own work
What do you mean by that?

Change mixed spice to all spice in a recipe.

I've got some incredible vegan cake recipes that are better than their non vegan counterparts. Gluten free cakes however...

Your plan is petty, and it would be a shameful waste of good food. Stab her instead.

You could make a castello cake. It looks beautiful and is super light but it tastes like those big yellow sponges you get in Halfords for cleaning your car

Sorry- castella cake

I made some sort of orange chocolate traybake thing from Jane's Patisserie book (which lots of friends swore by). It cost an absolute fortune and was like a soupy mess when I put it in the oven. Despite giving it well over the cooking time, it never set and oozed all over the sides and took me a whole day to clean the oven.

The book went to the charity shop next day!

Oh I had a go at a parsnip cake once before j realised I could make exclusions from my veg box. Can't remember the recipe but it was bloody disgusting. Parsnips have such an overwhelming taste, are very sweet, and I'm not a massive fan anyway.

OP send her a parsnip cake recipe from Google and say it's delicious!! She'll never trust you again!!