Uni suicide - tragedy but is this the only recourse for women that experience assault ?

[mids2019]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-14060637/Oxford-University-student-20-killed-cancelled-female-friend-told-pals-felt-uncomfortable-sexual-encounter.hotlink

Superficially this is a tragedy and the sites is was the major factor for that led to it. However given the extremely low probability of criminal conviction of the university acting from a disciplinary point of view are women justified in using ostracism as the only till they have left for justice and as a warning to others that may consider assault a crime where there are in reality limited chance of consequence?

The woman concerned comes across as psychologically cruel and the coroner warns against 'cancel culture' but there seems more to this and perhaps the woman concerned was justified in talking to their friendship group at the very least as warning to other woemn?

Is this the social equivalent of a lunch mob with no proven guilt or the actions of a woman who knew there is typically no justice from authorities in such cases?

Ostracism not site.....

Tool not till.....

The woman concerned comes across as psychologically cruel

Based on what?

It’s the DM, they are looking specifically for a “non-woke” angle, there is almost certainly a great deal more to this.
Also, it’s not superficially a tragedy, it IS a tragedy.

I am split on this was the woman who confided in her friendship group correct if it led to the ostracism that led to the ending of this young man''s life. The piece portrays the young man as a victim and that implies there was a a person who victimised him?

Yes it's a tragedy so was it simply just had reporting?

I think, based on the details in that story, it’s very hard to make a judgement because we simply don’t know what happened between the two of them except that she felt ‘uncomfortable’. It strikes me, however, in relation to your post that it seems that it wasn’t HER friends she was talking to (in a warning them to steer clear of this bloke kind of way) but his, so there seems a deliberate effort in that sense to isolate him.

Did he deserve it? I’ve no idea without knowing what he did. But it’s a tragic outcome.

The daily mail is not known for its balanced and responsible reporting.

Attributing any suicide to having been caused by a specific circumstance goes directly against Samaritans guidelines.

Someone who isn't mentally ill already does not respond to a situation like this with self-harm or suicide. Oxford students aren't always the most mentally chilled and balanced people due to the extraordinarily high academic pressires.

No, ostracising someone is not a woman’s only recourse. The so called friendship group that did this to that poor lad deserve to feel the guilt of his death for the rest of their own lives.

There was plenty else this woman could have done, and we don’t even know that she’s telling the truth about having something to feel ‘uncomfortable’ over.

She chose not to make any type of report in any place - either the police or the university. Instead she chose to individually tell a variety of people that he made her feel “uncomfortable” to turn everyone against him. It was malicious and attention seeking. She never thought that it would end in him taking his own life. It is a total tragedy and she is to blame.

Of you look at the conviction rates for assault and also the damage involvement in such cases can have on the figures for all involved is there a justification for not approaching the authorites?

In this case could the 'bad mouthing' be the only way the woman concerned couk d see to get what she feels was justice or was it simply mailcous?

Superficially this is a tragedy.

Superficially? It’s more than ‘superficial’ , it’s a tragedy for the young man, his family and anyone else who loved him.

No, ostracising someone is not a woman’s only recourse. The so called friendship group that did this to that poor lad deserve to feel the guilt of his death for the rest of their own lives

I agree - though I wonder if they will feel guilty.

It's tricky, ideally you reserve judgement until someone is proven guilty after a fair trial but this doesn't work here. We all know how low conviction rates are and that people do get away with this.

Obviously without knowing what actually went on between them and what was said we can't know if one of them was a victim here.

She isn't to blame for his reactions she is allowed to discuss something with friends ffs her friends could have told her she was overreacting and to just take some space

She felt uncomfortable about what happened. She didn’t warn her friends, she told several male friends. There was a physical fight. He was told they were ostracising him and would check in a couple of weeks.

That isn’t women warning each other about predators, it’s men bullying other men- possibly encouraged by a woman.

He was away from home, no support network, his ‘mates’ told him he was socially unacceptable and had done something unforgivable.

And this was something she was ‘uncomfortable’ with, not an accusation of assault.

I can't believe your last 2 paragraphs. Literally can't believe it.

Of course it's not the only option. The correct thing to do is report it to the authorities. Which she didn't do. Yes we all know the conviction rate is very poor. But it's still the right thing to do.
Instead she gossiped about him and ostracised him. How is that ok?

The reporting in the Times and Telegraph focus on the male friends’ reaction to Alexander. The woman couldn’t have predicted how the males would react so I don’t think this was a case of calculated “bad mouthing”, rather the male friends taking it upon themselves to punish Alexander. Or it could have been more strategic like @KittyPup says. I have been thinking about this, and the unusual coroners report, a lot. It’s awful for everyone and someone has died.

I don’t think it’s ever “unfair” to tell the truth.

Thank you - this is what I wanted to say and you have expressed it perfectly. The fact that she told his male friends seems quite a calculated move to me - that is not a woman confiding in and seeking comfort from a group of female friends the way that is implied in the OP.

There is nothing in the article or in what the coronr said that indicates this poor kid committed sexual assault. It said they had sex and afterwards she felt ' uncomfortable' about it. That could mean anything. The coroner said there was a culture of ostracisation and punishment for perceived misdemeanours. His ' friends' decided to mete out summary justice, which is what the coroner said.

I agree that 'uncomfortbale' couk d mean a host of things. We have an expectation that women report sexual assault but we have to admit in the vast majority of cases no guilt can be proven especially in a case like this.

We have two narrarives; one of a cruel woman slandering a young man unnecessarily or a women that has experienced an assault of some kind but perhaps chose a morally dubious way of getting some type of recourse. I found it difficult but isn't the coroner summarising human nature is his conclusion?

They went to the pub. They had sex in her room.

"Two days after the incident, a 'physical altercation' occurred between Alexander and K, an ex-boyfriend of B, said the coroner."

So it was physical, her ex boyfriend.

‘Superficially this is a tragedy’

What on earth? Please put yourself in the shoes of Alexander’s mother. Spend a little time there. Then consider how it might feel to be Alexander’s father, or sibling.

Isn't uncomfortbale sex a euphamism for some kind of barrier crossing i.e. assualt? Do women out up with uncomfortbale sex and not draw attention to it. If the sex was uncomfortbale to an extent that the woman talked to peers and ostracism ensued does this suggest the sex was something more darker than uncomfortbale?

OK it was a tragedy I was trying to point out that there was a deeper debate. Apologies this was a tragedy.