I’m doing something so shameful

[lemonblue]

At the age of 31 I have come to my local nature reserve with a few cans of cocktails and am sat here drinking them on my own. I feel like a loser. DH is at home with the kids and I told him I was going to Tesco. So after I’ve done here I’m going to have to walk to Tesco and buy something.

My life is crap and I know it sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am. If I drank in the house DH would say something then it would just ruin my mood.

I won’t get “drunk” I know when to stop but I like the tipsy feeling.

Ergh🤦🏻‍♀️

Why's your life crap? What's going on?

@Comedycook Nothing as such. It just find it really stressful. I have a 4yo who is autistic. It’s just hard

Is day drinking a regular thing, or has something today driven you to it?

Don't be ashamed! Enjoy some much needed alone time and go home feeling a bit refreshed. We all need to let loose sometimes. You've got this.

It's not 'shameful' op, but you know it's not right which is why you've posted I'm guessing. Take it as a wake up call, you cannot continue down this slippery slope you need to draw some hard lines here with drinking, and tackle whatever is you are avoiding. x

If your DH would say something if you drank at home, do you have an alcohol problem? Drinking alone in the day and in secret is a bit of a red flag…
What is going on in your life that is upsetting you? Talk to us x

@cryinglaughing I barely drink usually. Only on holiday or a couple when out for a meal.

I just woke up this morning feeling like I’d had enough

Yes that is tough I'm sure. Saying this with kindness but drinking in secret during the day is really not going to help you long term...is alcohol an issue for you? Have you spoken to your gp if you're feeling low....I hope things improve for you soon

Oh, I get it ☹️, having an autistic child myself.
It's tough, really tough and relentless too.

Take some time for yourself, recharge a bit and then go back home with a bit of energy in your tank.

Are you driving?

As a one off respite, fair enough. Only you know if it's part of a bigger issue.

I don’t think there’s anything shameful about that, sometimes you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do to make it through the day. Be careful it doesn’t turn in to an every day thing, though.

Please don't feel ashamed. People cope with a horrible situation in all sorts of ways, and drink is just one of many.

You have recognised that you have an issue, and that is a really good first step. Is there anyone in RL you could confide in?

No I’m not driving I’ve walked here

Just seen your updates. Not autistic, but one of my dcs was very very challenging particularly at that age and did indeed drive me to drink! You have my sympathy. Frame this as a one off, and could you then think of better ways to get the space and the calm you obviously need?

No judgement from me, it must be so hard. Enjoy the headspace, but take care of yourself and get home safely.

Take this as a clear sign that things need to change and use it to turn things around. Day drinking alone can be the start of a downward spiral, you need to stop that cycle before it gets worse.

Probably time for a sober sit-down discussion about how you can work together to make things a little easier going forward. And this may involve DH agreeing to the odd little 'cut loose' drink at home without judgment - safer than going out alone for it.

🤗

It's not shameful at all, you desperately needed some time away and the feeling of letting loose. Having said that, if you rarely drink, try and stop at 2 cans. You'll feel even worse if you make yourself ill.

Get yourself a GP appointment, it's likely you are (understandably) depressed. The earlier you get some help and support (sadly may not be easy) the more easily it will help.

It is completely understandable you feel as you do, but self-medicating by drinking in secret won't help you feel better

Go to see your GP as a starting point.

You don’t have to feel shameful, think of it as a little adventure. A tiny treat you’ve given yourself.

And when you get home, tell your partner you feel really tired and go for a nap.

Is it any worse than people going to the pub all day?

Enjoy your cocktails and give yourself a break. It's not like you're sitting there swigging a bottle of vodka and doing it regularly at that.

If someone went to the pub in the daytime to drink secretly away from their family because they were struggling to cope, then I'd find that worrying too.

Bring some binoculars and a field guide and you've got a new hobby, birdwatching. You need a break, being in nature is good for you. Does the nature reserve have a café or guided walks?

As a one off though I don't think it's a problem. It would only become a problem if it set the tone for future behaviours. The cans of cocktail in themselves are not really an issue. They contain very little alcohol. Sounds like you just need a break and an escape from reality for a while. It's not really any different from having a couple of glasses of wine once the kids have gone to bed.