I’m doing something so shameful

[lemonblue]

At the age of 31 I have come to my local nature reserve with a few cans of cocktails and am sat here drinking them on my own. I feel like a loser. DH is at home with the kids and I told him I was going to Tesco. So after I’ve done here I’m going to have to walk to Tesco and buy something.

My life is crap and I know it sounds like I’m feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I am. If I drank in the house DH would say something then it would just ruin my mood.

I won’t get “drunk” I know when to stop but I like the tipsy feeling.

Ergh🤦🏻‍♀️

You are not alone. I have a 7.5 yr old and a 3 yr old who we suspect might be autistic so now going through that process. I feel like a constant failure. I’m also struggling in my part time job at the moment because of the stress of home life.

It doesn’t help we are going into winter with dark nights, we’ve had barely any sunshine here for a good week and it’s so depressing. Highly recommend taking Vit D spray or tablets and/or getting apt at GP to talk about how you feel, they may even run some bloods. I had some taken a while ago and found out I’m almost pre diabetic, I end up eating sugary stuff to cope with my youngest as never get a chance to eat properly but trying to make better changes. Second what others have said about getting some binoculars and bird book and spending some time at the reserve - I do this often and does me a world of good. Take a flask of hot chocolate or coffee - don’t worry you’ve have a few drinks this time, we are only human. You need the space, and you don’t need to feel ashamed and you aren’t alone. Take care of yourself and keep reaching out.

That's not shameful. You needed a break, you took a break. Good on you, enjoy the cocktails guilt free.

Nothing shameful in need a break and one drink to relax you a bit when things are hard, none at all.

Can you tell DH how stressful you are finding things?

Sounds like it was very much what you needed, OP. Nothing to feel ashamed of.
Two questions.
What's the reason your husband would "say something"?
Do you normally get any time to do something for yourself - go for a run, see a film, walk to the nature reserve?
You need something like that at least once a week.

I don't have SEN children and sometimes I book an hour off work and sit in the Tesco cafe on my way home. It's glorious. I'd 100% recommend.

TBH my husband often sits for half an hour and ponders on the toilet, so it's all similar.

It's sounds pretty cool to do that. I wish I had a nature reserve nearby. I would definitely join you. I always think they should set up a little bar in a shack, secretly in the middle of nature.
Please don't feel bad about wanting to get some peace and quiet. It's good to have a bit a a sanctuary to go to. I'm sure if you told your mates they'd say they like to join you!
I hope things improve for you but enjoy your little oasis of cocktails in nature. X

Drinking in the day is not a problem! Loads of people have a drink with lunch on the weekend!
I don't understand why OP is in a nature reserve in November rather than at the pub though.

I’d much prefer a nature reserve than a pub! What difference does the venue make??

Well, it's cold outside in November. It's weird.

Just wear appropriate clothes it’s fine, do you not go outside all winter?

I do go outside, but I need to be moving around. I'm not going to be sitting around or drinking sitting on a stone like a tramp or a person stuck in Covid restrictions. Go to the pub like a normal person.

I think as a one off and if you're not getting drunk then it's probably fine. I have an autistic son too and have definitely been there done that ❤️ take care of yourself xx

Except the air is purer at the nature reserve.

The simple answer isn't easy. Talk to him, if course it's hard. Him shaming you isn't helping, he probs doesn't realise how you're struggling. So talk to him, listen to him, consider if you need more help

Hey 👋
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way OP. Can you get any support from friends or family? Don’t berate yourself for what you have done- we all need a break now and again … maybe you could perhaps look at some type of exercise whilst you have a break ? Are you able to have a light jog or a walk ? It’ll do wonders for your ability to start to think in a slightly clearer way.
Maybe look at some books on Spotify or podcasts too may help ?
let us know how you’re getting on x

I self medicate with a cup of coffee and a bar of chocolate. I have chronic health conditions including diabetes and high cholesterol, all stable with meds. My diet is reasonable but when I am stressed coffee and chocolate are my mood lifting choice. You don't normally drink much so a little of what you fancy occasionally will prob do more good than harm, but do keep an eye and get help if you think you need it 🥰

If your husband did it or one of your friends you would just give them a big hug 🤗 and say everyone needs a let out. So sending big hugs to you x

You’ve got a lot of support and kindness here op and so glad of it ❤️, I don’t think it’s shameful sometime we do what we need to do to get through tough times, much love!

I would book a GP appointment and explain to DH you are exhausted and need more help, also a cocktail or glass of wine is fine in the house it's not up to your DH

Please don't feel any shame, we all need an escape and a bit of fuck off everyone time!

As a Mum of an autistic child, main carer as had to go part time, I totally get you. Luckily I had a bestie neighbour I could go to and we would have wine and a chat.

It's not like you were shooting up heroin, which, yes, I know Mums who do this, one with 5 kids, that's shameful.

Let it go, much worse things to beat yourself about with. I can give you some of mine 😏

There’s nothing shameful about drinking in the open air, we are not in the states, its quite legal here. Next time take a ghetto blaster have a drink and a dance it’s called a rave, we had them in the 90’s before the nanny state tried to clamp down on out door fun. Enjoy yourself. Let go.

Goodness that’s a blast from the past, people just listen to music in their phones now with headphones, I don’t think loud music in a nature reserve is a good idea.

oh if we turn it down a bit is that ok?

My DH sometimes feels like this. And feels better after going for a walk which usually ends up in a pub for a few pints. I'm not shocked and he certainly doesn't have a drinking problem.

You're under a huge amount of stress. There's nothing bad about wanting to escape occasionally. I would explain to your DH (in the future anyway) that you just need a break for a couple of hours as you're going stir-crazy.