How to get guests to leave after a lunch or dinner

[AnonymouseQuestion]

Does anyone else find guests hang around too long after a meal? If so how do you get them to leave without being rude?

Today we invited two friends for lunch at 1, we chatted, ate, had pudding, had coffee, chatted some more and by 4 I started to clear up sure they would leave. They stayed seated and chatting until 6.30! My in laws do this all the time too. Last weekend the in laws came for brunch and were still here at 3.30pm. In both cases I started clearing up and moving about but they took no hints.

I love having people around but I work full time and have three kids and I need sometime at weekends to sort my life and even, just possibly, be alone for a few moments. If I have people around for a meal I will already have spent hours before their arrival cooking and tidying for them.

I don’t want to be rude but surely 3 hours for lunch is a normal amount of time and most people would then move on? Would anyone think it’s OK to hang about until 6.30?

All ideas for moving guests on gratefully received as I don’t ever want to be rude or stop seeing friends and family but I do want some personal space.

“It’s been so lovely having you over and I would love to have you stay all,day but unfortunately I need to go to Xx by Xx. Thank you so much for coming, let’s do it again soon.”. Simple.

Will you have a cup of tea before you go?

That’s very interesting about the German phrase!

I don’t think it’s the host’s job to tell the guest to leave though. It’s the guest’s responsibility to be mindful of not over-staying their welcome.

I’ve had this happen and in the end suggested driving people home as it was the only way I could be sure they would leave.

And once, when I was in a very junior position at work, I was invited by my boss along with other senior colleagues to his house for dinner. No one left and the dinner went on and on and I wanted to leave but was stupidly following everyone else’s leave! In the end our boss stood up and turned on the lights 😃

Because no one polite would ever do this.

Do you have time for another coffee before you go? I don't want another myself...
Or turn the heating off after an hour of their arrival.
Right then it's been lovely to see you, but we have an early start tomorrow or busy evening ahead. It's time to go home time!

Have an eco toilet dug in the garden and insist everyone uses it. Make sure it doesn't have a light, loo roll or a reliable door and is Muddy, even if you have to throw water around it before they arrive.

if you dont have a garden, fashion a tent over a cat litter tray instead.

I've just had a baby and when organising cistores I lied to everyone and said ' come for 9 but midwife coming at 10.30 so at at 10 of just after will need to get sorted '

What is a cistores?

Put this on repeat, and increase the volume every play:

Watching this with interest.

A friend of ours is known for not leaving at a decent hour. We invited them around for dinner a little earlier at 6:30pm to try and offset this. They eventually left at 1:30am. 7 hours later! That's almost a full day! It completely wiped us out all of Sunday. At one point, three of us (including her dh) were stood up. My dh had begun clearing up. She still sat on the couch yakking away looking up at us. She was just oblivious to the fact her dh had put his coat on, and we had made all the non verbal cues that the evening was at an end. I'm now wondering about adhd.

Next time, I'll invent in advance a reason for a cut off time for 11pm saying we have plans early doors the following morning.

I assume Visitors and a middle of the night feed typo.

This one is perfect for it's sheer Britishness and is my go-to method.

Sorry but the hints probably won't work! I'm with the PPs who advocate for the 'I'm sorry but I'll have to chuck you out so I can get to my gym class/shopping/prep for the week.' And do it in good time, allowing for at least 30 minutes to collect their things and say goodbye.

Don't forget that sometimes the guests themselves feel rude leaving, and need a nudge to get going!

I love the "do you want a cup of tea before you go?". It's not only a hint, but gives a nice little time frame to wrap up the visit.

Don't forget that sometimes the guests themselves feel rude leaving, and need a nudge to get going!

So true, I know I've over stayed at times but my excuse is that sometimes it seems like the hosts want you to stay. Sometimes I've wanted to leave for a while before realizing I have the most power to wrap up the situation.

Sometimes I've tried to leave and they are all "oh no, please stay a bit longer". But when I do, they clearly seem annoyed.

Why is everything in life so complicated.

Personally I find this whole wanting people to leave thing very odd. If I invite people over I'm already prepared for whatever I need to do the next day so I can sir and enjoy their company and they can stay for as long as they want.

I've had friends come for brunch and stay for dinner and helped us put our children to bed as were just had a lovely time. As we have a big family I tend to host rather thsn go to friends as a family. But if I go just me, my friends would happily say what their expectations are, like I need to head off at 4 or whatever.

Who are these people visiting you all who you want to leave quickly and can't have an honest mention of when you need them to leave.

Yeah. I had this. Four hours between the last drink and their exit

I was told it's very rude to try and get your guests to leave on my similarly themed thread.

However the best advice I received was getting their coats. And this one- initiate a WALK. And then upon return from the walk go straight in with lovely to see you we'll have to do this again sometime.

Also to try - I need go out to the shops before they close and also just carrying on with all your normal household chores.

That's a good one

I went to a house party quite a few years back, everyone was enjoying themselves, but the host clearly wasn’t, at about 10 o’clock he put on his bloody carpet slippers and put the tv on and settled down to watch it, turning it up so he could hear it above the music and chatter, we all got the hint and he came out of his little sulk when we all started to leave.

If you’re not up for the possibility of a long visit, then don’t have guests at all. If we are having family over for food, we are prepared for them to be there as long as they want, if not we eat out, can be somewhere cheap, that way there is a set time and you can keep your day or weekend mostly to yourself. If you’re going to bother having guests there’s no point then getting annoyed about, well…..having guests.

We British are so British! I far prefer a direct and honest approach and wouldn’t take offence at it. Agree with the poster who gets confused when people say oh no don’t go then when you stay, passively aggressively make it clear you were meant to have gone then.

You would think inviting people 'for lunch' would be enough of a hint that you want them gone by mid-late afternoon.

I remember a family lunch visit in my teens to a newlywed cousin.....some hours after lunch an offer came from my cousin's new wife: 'Is there is anything else you would like now? Perhaps a glass of water?'

That was read clearly by all of us as a 'piss off now' statement from the wife, and we were all shortly gone. Much more effective than offering a cup of tea, which is of course further hospitality and can also be sat over for quite a long time; but the offer of water signalled to us all that our hostess was done with us for the afternoon.

On of my SILs does this. Invited for a walk and tea on Boxing Day afternoon, arrival about 2pm, 30 minute drive away, we didn't get rid of them till about 7pm.

She does the same if she comes on her own. To me, 'Let's go for a dog walk and come back for a cuppa' means about 2 and a half hours (1 hr walk, 90mins for the cuppa and a good chat). SIL will arrive early (2.45 rather than 3) and still be here at gone 6 with me making pointed comments about how 'surely by now the rush hour traffic will have died down a bit' ('Oh, I'll give it another half an hour to be on the safe side') and 'I need to get the dinner on' ('Let me give you a hand' - which fills me with dread that she'll be here all evening).

I like her a lot but I'd invite her over a lot more if she'd just bugger off after two hours.

It’s so rude to drop hints for people to leave. I can’t believe people are suggesting it.
I always dedicate the whole afternoon/early eve to hosting a lunch, otherwise I just don’t do it. Having people who want to spend time with you and who are clearly having a good time is a joy.
either don’t host or go with it. There is another weekend day to get your life organised (and I say this as somebody with a FT job and more than 2 kids)

Oh God, just tell them! If it was me I wouldn't mind or think you were being rude or anything.

On the plus side you are obviously a really good host with a lovely comfortable house 😄

My SIL & family are like this. Invite them for lunch, they suggest arriving for coffee, stay through lunch, afternoon tea , and then look for dinner . I kid you not.
I cannot deal with that even on my best day, so tend to only do evening hosting, or meeting at a restaurant. Preferably one with a 2-hour table rule.