How to get guests to leave after a lunch or dinner

[AnonymouseQuestion]

Does anyone else find guests hang around too long after a meal? If so how do you get them to leave without being rude?

Today we invited two friends for lunch at 1, we chatted, ate, had pudding, had coffee, chatted some more and by 4 I started to clear up sure they would leave. They stayed seated and chatting until 6.30! My in laws do this all the time too. Last weekend the in laws came for brunch and were still here at 3.30pm. In both cases I started clearing up and moving about but they took no hints.

I love having people around but I work full time and have three kids and I need sometime at weekends to sort my life and even, just possibly, be alone for a few moments. If I have people around for a meal I will already have spent hours before their arrival cooking and tidying for them.

I don’t want to be rude but surely 3 hours for lunch is a normal amount of time and most people would then move on? Would anyone think it’s OK to hang about until 6.30?

All ideas for moving guests on gratefully received as I don’t ever want to be rude or stop seeing friends and family but I do want some personal space.

I wouldn't say it's alien exactly - more just futile with really dedicated overstayers, who'll hear the "must get sorted" bit but not the "have to say goodbye", then do the flappy hand and "Oooo don't mind me!!"

My late, exMIL was like this, and the only thing that worked was to produce the coats the instant she made "must get going" noises. They didn't mean anything and left to her own devices she'd continue to sit for hours more, but the coat arrival did the trick after a few startled occasions

I'm going to suggest that there is clearly a market for invites (similar to children's party invites) for adults to invite people to their houses for lunch/brunch with a start and end time.

This seems to be a thing at the moment on MN with guests overstaying their welcome.

A bit like my Victorian lady's 'At home' suggestion. There's an Etsy shop opportunity in this...

There’s actually loads on Etsy. I just looked.

This is really funny but you obviously made them feel comfortable! One of you had to be brave, or just say to your son 'yes I'm going to help you with homework but let's say bye to auntie and uncle first'

Perfect

SNL did a great skit/ fake advert for their Yankee Fuck Off candle... hilarious. I'll try and find a link.

I had enough one Christmas and just went and sat in the living room by myself leaving everyone at the table chatting.

It was brothers and sisters though so they didn’t take offence. Wouldn’t do that with friends 😂

YouTube:

Get the F@*! Out of My House Candle Commercial w/ Ryan Reynolds

We have a friend come to stay overnight occasionally with her two kids. We always plan a really fun day and evening. We have breakfast together in the morning and it's at that point that I really want them to leave but they hang around for hours. Last time I told her in advance that we had to go out at 12pm and she literally left at 11.55am. It's just too much after the day before, and especially because the kids get up very early so it's a long morning and by then I'm just desperate for my house back!

I wouldn't mind being a bit firmer about expected departure times but my husband worries about seeming rude. But I'm a firm believer in quality over quantity when it comes to hosting!

Oh, perfection
I'd say that could be the answer, as in show guests the clip and hope they take the hint, except even that would probably fail

So candles it is (anyone know how to make something like that?)

I find people stay too long too. But the I’ve been the person who stays for too long myself!

Why on earth would it be rude to say "Come and spend Saturday night, but we'll need to end the visit by 10am as we have other commitments on Sunday" ??

Offering hospitality doesn't equal being a doormat. It's perfectly proper for a host to set the terms rather than dangle helplessly until the guest feels like leaving.

Yep this. ^ And this is why I only ever meet people in a neutral place these days. I don't like people in my house much anyway, and I certainly don't want them staying 5-6 hours. It's literally exhausting. Some people seem to thrive on it - like they seem to thrive on answering the door to any fucker who knocks. Good for them! Don't bash or berate people who DON'T want to do this though.

If I don't want to answer the door I won't. If I am not expecting someone, it will only be a religious caller, a salesperson, someone trying to scam me, someone trying to sell me their services (just put a leaflet through!) or a delivery driver trying to palm a neighbour's package off. (No! Fuck off! I am not taking peoples packages in! And I don't expect anyone to take mine in either!) I work from home and am often busy/tied up, and I am not answering the door to some uninvited random!

And NO, I very rarely want people in my house. Virtually only adult DC and their partners, and occasionally a friend. I much prefer to meet at a pub or a Costa though.

That's my right.

Don't anyone say 'you sound angry or aggressive' either. Because I won't respond to your post so you'll be wasting your time. Fed up of defending myself to the uber social butterflies and extroverts who look down on people who aren't like them!

Yeah. I feel like this too. I've too much else going on for my home to be hijacked.

You do need to be clearer. I would be worried I was being rude by running off so quick the next day

Love this. 🤣

@Squirrelblanket Last time I told her in advance that we had to go out at 12pm and she literally left at 11.55am

What time did you want her to leave? If you wanted her to leave any earlier you just had to say. That's on your communication.

My communication is fine - I told her she would need to leave by 12 and she did.

My point was that if I hadn't said anything she'd have been there until mid afternoon or later!

I would expect to stay to mid afternoon if I were visiting a friend for a weekend. If a friend dashed off at 9am on a Sunday when they'd travelled to see me, I'd wonder what I'd done to offend them!

I started to clear up, take food away and wash up. Conversation continued, so I washed everything up. Conversation continued... guest finished the bottle, finally, guest suggested they leave. OH went upstairs, thinking that would help, but I had to wait for him to say goodbye to guest, who said say goodbye for me to him, finally they say goodbye and guest leaves.
Otherwise, it was a very convivial evening, honestly. I was just too tired at the end.