Why is expressing envy/dissatisfaction at someone doing better than you taboo?

[YourCoolLimeGuide]

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them. E.g. I just brought a house with the help of my grandparents' inheritance and I told my friends and some of them didn't look too happy about it cos they all want houses too?

But if I go and tell people I'm not happy that colleague x got promoted they tell me not to be so nasty, when other people have done it to me?

Not looking too happy, and expressly saying you’re not happy someone else got a job is quite different.

but they both mean the same thing?

Feeling it is fine but they’re your feelings to deal with. Expressing out loud to colleagues you’re not happy someone got promoted is a bit toxic IMO and also why should the person with the promotion potentially hear it and be made to feel a bit shit.

I’m not sure the other people do it to me so why shouldn’t I do it to others is a particularly strong argument.

Admitting to your most primal instincts is always seen as vulgar in one way or the other

Not at all. You can’t prove what a look means.

Anyway, enjoy your house.

why is it toxic?

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them

Speak for yourself. “We” don’t.

Why do you think your friends don’t like you?

And why didn’t you tell them it was ‘nasty’ to ‘not look happy’, if others tell you it’s ‘nasty’ to say you’re unhappy?

It's an interesting question. We're brought up to hide our 'ugly' feelings. I'm not really sure why. It's rude/unpleasant obviously...but why have we made it that way, perhaps there's an evolutionary advantage to 'keep your friends close, but your enemies closer'. There are many cultures in the world more forthright than ours, I wonder how they handle it.

why is it toxic?

Something tells me you just won't get it...

I wouldn’t say it’s taboo. But expressing jealousy at someone’s else’s happiness or success just says that you are a sad bitter person unhappy in your own life. It speaks volume to your character.

I don't think they dislike me, they just didn't look too happy about it. I don't want to tell them off cos it'll just create drama

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them

Honestly, no. I don’t think we all do.

Jealousy and envy are unpleasant emotions. They’re unkind, ungenerous and corrosive. While we may feel them occasionally (some of us more than others, perhaps) most people recognise that they aren’t a positive thing. It appears you do not, which is interesting.

If you want to get promoted, work on getting promoted. Resenting the success of others is nasty.

Buy why is it toxic? I think the OP asks an interesting question.

yeah, but if most of us feel it, why can't we express it

Are you 5? This is like explaining to a child why we can’t all just say things.

Because it takes your negative feelings and thoughts of ill will and transfers it to others who have literally done nothing wrong! It’s a bit like saying well if I’m feeling shit about this I’m going make sure you feel a bit shit too. Pissing on someone’s parade because they have something you don’t is unpleasant. It’s toxic behaviour for yourself and for those around you.

if you need to express it then talk your feelings through with someone that has no connection to the person you’re jealous of.

Does being sad and unhappy in your life speak to a poor character then? Surely, everyone has periods in their life where they're sad or unhappy?

This is far from your first post about not understanding things in the workplace, things not working out for you with colleagues, losing jobs due to poor performance and mental health issues. You constantly ask ‘why’ ‘why’ ‘why’?

Why can you not employ the same attitude you use with your friends - not wanting to create drama - to your jobs?

It’s toxic because it’s divisive and othering. It also shows a lack of generosity of spirit. It’s just very wrong in every way.

It's pointless energy wasted on others. Coveting what others having is ugly. We don't like ugly.

It makes you look shit and not focussed on making things better or the way you want them for yourself.

Make your own light shine brighter. Trying to dull someone else's light won't make your own brighter.

@YourCoolLimeGuide i don’t think most do feel that. Many might.

but I think there are 2 ways of looking at it.
your view is that you don’t want anyone else to have what you don’t, or to do better. It is a common UK mindset often referred to as ‘tall poppy syndrome’

others may realise that someone else’s success doesn’t limit or define their own. There isn’t limited happiness to
go around, someone else’s shouldn’t diminish yours.

Anyway I think you know exactly why it’s toxic. You’re friends have done it to you and you don’t like it but feel that you can’t pull them up on it as it will cause more drama.

You are annoyed because when you did it someone did pull you up on and now you’re frustrated with yourself because you wish you had said something to your friends.

Why be so disingenuous about it?

There’s a difference between “a look” which you have interpreted in your own way, and explicitly saying it.

There’s also a big difference in your 2 examples. One is a house you were able to buy because you were given the money via inheritance, the other is a promotion that person has presumably worked very hard for and earned.