Why is expressing envy/dissatisfaction at someone doing better than you taboo?

[YourCoolLimeGuide]

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them. E.g. I just brought a house with the help of my grandparents' inheritance and I told my friends and some of them didn't look too happy about it cos they all want houses too?

But if I go and tell people I'm not happy that colleague x got promoted they tell me not to be so nasty, when other people have done it to me?

Long time a go I was struggling when I learned that a long serving but incompetent colleague was earning more than me.

Someone wiser than me said "it's not right, but what he earns actually makes no difference to your life whatsoever".

I tend to be pleased for people I like doing well, concentrate on improving my lot, and don't think too much about the others.

Ah just realised the OP’s posting style sounded familiar. Won’t respond any further!

Does someone being jealous of you make you feel shit though? It's a compliment really. It's the lifeblood of 'influencing'. To be a successful influencer you need other people to feel jealous that their life isn't like yours and make changes to be like you...and lots of people want to be 'influencers'.

I think jealousy/envy and the expression of is far more complex and nuanced than some posters are making out.

yeah I think that's it

I think it’s more about who you do it to. Expressing it to your best friend in the understanding that you’re not being very nice but this is how you feel, fine. Expressing it to all and sundry is just tactless.

No I think it's more like other people are unkind to me but they never get in trouble; why am i getting called out?

That's a different and less sociologically interesting question.

It's up to you to call out people if they're being mean to you.

No how people feel doesn’t make me feel shit, we often don’t have much control over how we feel. We can choose how we act on it though. If they express it negatively to other friends and colleagues in a way that suggests I don’t deserve it I would feel bad.

I’ve felt jealous of others before or resented other people getting something I would have liked but that’s for me to work through. I also find that actually it’s much more helpful for feelings of envy to actually actively show happiness for the other person. People appreciate when you are happy for them and that’s a nicer feeling than showing your envy!

You get in trouble at work because you act inappropriately in a professional setting. You don’t act accordingly.

Who were you expecting to pop up and ‘call out’ your friend who ‘didn’t look happy’? A principal, a mother? It’s up to you to use your words like an adult.

I agree, when I see friends and family being successful and happy in their lives I am pleased for them and not jealous.
I work in a large organisation and I do sometimes feel aggrieved when people get promoted who don't seem to deserve it - not necessarily envy as I don't want the position, but that's the only time I feel any negativity towards others.

At the end of the day if you want nice things it's down to you to work for them , so hats off to people who do just that.

Ohhhhhh it’s this poster. No end of issues is there

As much as many people do not ascribe to a religion it’s one of the seven deadly sins and the UK has a history rich in theological meaning even if there is a disconnect these days in society.

Toddlers show their very base childish instincts, it’s why they are overall deemed quite difficult. I would say not being able to control base instincts is also seen as a lack of maturity. Some brains do not mature well especially if people have experienced severe trauma as children. Their brains can remain in some respects at the age the trauma occurred. My best mate, sadly died now was a clinical psychologist so we had many a chat about brain development it linked in to research I did on poverty and educational outcomes.

Well unfortunately that just falls under the category of life sucks. It’s an age old truth that some people get away with shitty behaviour and other’s don’t!

If you know it’s an unkind behaviour and you don’t like it then just don’t do it. Even if others do it and get away with it. Why would you want to be like them?

This is also a good point you don’t seem to be able to distinguish between personal social setting and professional setting. Of course you are more likely to get called out on this in a professional setting because it’s unprofessional behaviour.

No one is entitled to display their envy. It's self indulgent. Envy/jealousy are negative emotions, that need to be regulated appropriately. If something triggers envy, then work on yourself to achieve whatever it is that you want.

No one is entitled to dwell on their jealousy and allow resentment to simmer and be passively aggressive in order to release it.

A mature response is to be happy for others when they achieve something and work on ourselves to achieve our goals.

BTW receiving inheritance is not an achievement, it's a privilege, perhaps it is your blind privilege that is irking your friends.

why would privilege annoy you? a lot of achievement is privilege... many accomplished people achieve bc they have high iqs, high social skills, connections, born with good looks etc.

I highly doubt your colleague who got the promotion has none of those attributes… so why did their promotion annoy you?

Describing inheritance as an "achievement" indicates a lack of awareness. Inheritance is a privilege, not an achievement. Describing it as a personal achievement miscategorises it as something that the receiver has accomplished through personal merit or hard work rather than luck/circumstance.

The lack of awareness and bolstering up of the ego through no personal merit, is tiresome and arrogant.

I would only speak about this to very close friends.
I think the feelings of envy are very normal.
But in most situations especially at work situation I would keep quiet and smile politely and congratulate them.
If I had some good news such as a promotion that I knew a friend also went for or an inheritance to buy a house when I knew a friend was struggling to save for a deposit I would be sensitive and be low key about it and acknowledge good fortune

i don't resent their privilege, or iq, luck etc. but i wish i had what they had ... that's the base of envy

Funnel your energy into improving yourself so that you will be worthy of a promotion, identify how you can attain your goal, while simultaneously be happy for other people s achievements.

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them

genuinely I don’t. I don’t feel this way. And you keep doubling down on it too. Like that makes it ok. I don’t have that someone. You do. Some do. But it’s not all of us by a long way.

and yes it’s toxic to feel jealous , envious, pissed off someone got something you want. Mainly toxic to yourself sitting seething and living with that feeling. And toxic to the other person if they know.

Envy and jealousy are really demonised on here I find. I think they're natural emotions.

I also think that it's probably quite unpalatable but a lot of people are secretly quite pleased at other people's misfortunes.

Schadenfreude

If it's the truth that you don't think colleague X deserves the job, based on reasonable unbiased factual evidence, then say it till the cows come home. But obviously some people will disagree. But if you're purely saying it out of jealousy when your comment holds no merit then it is just being rude and unpleasant.

but why is it unpalatable if a lot of people feel it?