Why is expressing envy/dissatisfaction at someone doing better than you taboo?

[YourCoolLimeGuide]

I mean we all have someone we don't like achieving the things we want and we don't feel happy for them. E.g. I just brought a house with the help of my grandparents' inheritance and I told my friends and some of them didn't look too happy about it cos they all want houses too?

But if I go and tell people I'm not happy that colleague x got promoted they tell me not to be so nasty, when other people have done it to me?

I also very, very rarely feel jealousy or envy of other. The very occasional time that I do, (fleeting feeling, once every couple of years), I stop myself, analyse what has triggered the feeling, analyse if it is measured and fair and if the person has done anything wrong in their achievement. The feeling subsides and I learn from it.

I respond by either working on myself to upskill to achieve what I want, or to accept that the trigger was irrationale and to learn to be more balanced and happy for others.

I personally really dislike any blind entitlement to negative feelings and negative coping strategies. We are all responsible for our actions and to manage our triggers appropriately.

i never said they don't deserve it, i just said i feel bad cos i wanted it

we can't control our emotions
but we are held responsible for expressing them

but i feel nobody likes someone expressing their envy bc it causes conflict in the team at work, lots of beef etc. and so no work gets done

but in a friendship group is a bit different, bc we dont' need to work together, we are just shooting the shit together

Ok? So why can’t your friends feel the same about you, why do they have to get in trouble (in their own personal life) because you got in trouble (in a work setting where you are supposed to act professionally)?

You can control your emotions to a certain degree.

You can control your expression of them.

Plenty of people don’t want to hear other people’s negative emotions. And that’s their boundary.

What you are saying is you think your friends were jealous of you. And you have been criticised for our right saying you are jealous.

You don’t know if your friends are jealous. You have read their body language and assumed. You could be reading it wrong.

But you are making clear you are jealous. And some people don’t want to hear it. You think you should be allowed to express yourself, but don’t think people should be allowed to express they don’t like that don’t want to hear it?

We can control our emotions, we are not wild animals or toddlers. We can think things through. We can remain positive for others whilst also working on ourselves.

If we want to maintain friendships, then we need to remain sensitive to other people and circumstances.

@YourCoolLimeGuide in that case that's legitimate to say I wish I got it ( instead of her) etc.
I guess some people wouldn't be comfortable being so open in the way the said it.
They might phrase it more like 'I really thought I was in with a chance, my presentation had xyz, this part went well etc, so it's a shame I didn't get it.' as opposed to pushing a negative against the one who was successful.

why don't people want to hear im jealous

There's a difference OP between someone getting a leg up from someone else and someone working hard for what they deserve.

Unless you're saying your colleague didn't deserve to get promoted?

Because it's self indulgent. Instead of whining about jealousy, work on yourself.

yeah, i was told that basically a lot of the stuff i say may be true, but why say it?

e.g. if a friend was complaining about not buyng a house, why tell them i could due to inheritance? what do i hope to achieve?
i mean they should feel glad i have afforded a house cos they are my friend but why tell them any of that in the first place?

Op, some people have bad thoughts. That’s the top and bottom of it; sometimes they are deeply unpleasant individuals who think and feel deeply unpleasant things, the issue is articulating that and telling people, because despite what you think many many people do not feel this way towards others and when they see or hear something unpleasant will call it out.

your post is like writing, I’m racist, plenty other people are, so why’s it not ok to share it. Or I like to hit my spouse. Plenty of other people do. So why is it unacceptable. Or I’m deeply controlling, so are many others, why can’t I share that openly. Or I hate spending money so try to get my friends and family to pay for me. Plenty of others do, so why’s can’t I just say it, or I bitch about my friends behind their backs, plenty do, why am I being pulled up on it.

and it’s becuase the thinking is unacceptable, to differening degrees. And trying to downplay it saying everyone does it, is wrong. We all have toxic qualities, or unpleasant thoughts,, depending on mood, day whatever, but understanding that and trying to manage it, is key, not trying to say it’s ok everyone does it,

When you type this sort of thing out, do you genuinely think ‘yes, I am a reasonable adult, raising valid points and having a rational conversation’?

How are you not tired of these inane posts?

Why do you want people to listen about your jealousy?

No, because other people have aimed those feelings towards me and never were called out about it. so why should i?

why wouldn't they? i tell my friends what went on in my day, what i got up to at work etc., why do they want to hear that?

That response has absolutely nothing to do with what I asked. Literally nothing.

it depends on the person listening. It’s not a race to the bottom. I assume you’re not a child, wailing it’s not fair why did they ger away with it and not me.

I asked you above who did you expect to call out your friends? You were the one who didn’t like the response, but you didn’t say anything. Who else was supposed to materialise and ‘give out’ to them? Handle it yourself like a grown up.

You were reprimanded in a professional setting for being unprofessional.

so you are saying other people may find hearing about my jealousy deeply unpleasant and think I am a bad person and avoid me because of it?

but my point is many people feel unpleasant thoughts, why can't we express them to our friends/families?

I don’t believe you simply don’t get this.

I am ND even I get it. I have already explained why people don’t want to hear your negative emotions. Because they just don’t.

It appears that you believe you have a right to say and express what you want and that the person you are speaking to shouldn’t have thoughts or feelings or their own boundaries about what sort of conversation they want to be part of.

It’s a very selfish mindset.

When I moved into my first place, my sister, who is a nasty piece of work anyway huffed and puffed around it and then said I SUPPOSE you can TELL from all the PISSING AND MOANING I'm doing it's very NICE and then said something personal and scathing and stormed out. She has never wanted me to have anything nice and was jealous. Her personal remark upset me and there was no reason for it

People don't need to go around expressing nastiness and jealousy just to give themselves a boost, or feel superior. It's a taboo because making other people feel like shit for no reason should be a social taboo

I think you’re being disingenuous as you’re pissed off you got pulled up on being unpleasant. And you’ve doubled down on it so hard it is now making you look belligerent and ludicrous.

And my question is, when you type out these incredibly vapid sentences, do you genuinely think that you are communicating like a rational adult, raising valid points and having a logical conversation?

I also asked how you weren’t tired of starting these inane threads (and then acting obtuse on them).

You answered neither question.