Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

Why, thy knowest the answer to thy dilemma be whether the goode Kinge prefereth his Italian Rounde breade (with extra boar meat) deep pan, crisp and even deareste Queene!

As a King, his footsteps be bestowed with kingly warmth. Ask the guards to follow the trail of warm footprints and check if there are smaller footprints within each step. If so, he might have brought a page with him.

Well, they were, 12 month hence, but word is they must have flit in the night.
Never liked getting stuck next to him at a feast. One track mind, that one.

Well, oi've just passed yonder peasant and he ain't seen 'ide nor 'air of any royal nobs round his parts.

My first born comes of age on St Winefryd's day. We were planning a surprise fast and chastity belt fitting, but she is convinced she will be next in the ballot for droit de seigneur and has set her heart on some tincture of rose and bee sting in preparation. DD2 is the more blooming of the two. Does anyone know the etiquette?

The best way forward is to prepare both for a joint bedding ceremony. Dual droit de seigneur ceremonies are increasingly popular. The tincture preparation are considered old hat these days, a tattoo with the date will suffice.

With the chastity belt you can get some pretty ones with diamonds from Lock Shop. It’s worth paying the premium fee for the lightweight one, so she does not go clunk when she sits. I urge you though, do pay extra for a second key. I attended a ceremony recently when the best man forget the key and the bedded one was quite distressed. An emergency locksmith had to be called and they are very expensive.

Much obliged, Mistress StarlightLady.

Dual droit de seigneur ceremonies are increasingly popular.
They certainly would catch on if the pustuled lech (God preserve my Gay Lord) got to know about it. Funny thing, but he's the locksmith round our way too, as luck would have it.

Ah, thou hast warmed mine heart with thine truest words and merry laughter! ‘Tis music to mine ears, sweeter than any minstrel’s tune. I doff mine hat and bow low, as is befitting such noble mirth. Mayhap we shall share more jests and japes anon, forsooth!
👏👏👏🤣

My husbande intendeth to accompany King Richard to ye Crusades and wishes to locke me into ye chastity belte.

Doth any person know of a goode locksmith?

*My husbande intendeth to accompany King Richard to ye Crusades and wishes to locke me into ye chastity belte.

Doth any person know of a goode locksmith?*

For the purpose of locking or unlocking?

If an it be for unlocking, a dear companion had great success with the finest goose fat, a turnip tiller and ye new stretching regime from Leon the Troubadour. Can't say more but she's looking like a new wyf.

Yonder Peasant 'ere. If you see that King Whatshisface on yer travels, tell him a nice bit 'o brisket wouldn't go amiss. And a couple 'o jars 'o summink nice. Oh, and I'm freezin' my bollocks off 'ere, so if he could see me right for a log or two that'd also be much appreciated. There, I think that's it.

I'd forget it if I were you, yonderpeasant. He only does it as a once a year thing on the Feast of Stephen, hithering his poor little page who'd probably be happier in the warm playing on his new exe boxe. Virtue signalling at its best, IMHO.

Just overheard a fella down the pub (we'll call him 'Guy') saying he's heading down to London with some pals to do some sightseeing.
Seemed particularly interested in the Houses of Parliament Underground Tour..

I expect he'll be visiting the Tower of London after that then.

My fluxes have arrived again so I am not with child. Where is the best shoppe to buy rags from please. Asking for a friend...

I knoweth an excellent locksmith who may serve ye well. If you lyeth with him after the unveiling there is a vast reduction is his fee. He performeth his duties with skill and consideration and sayeth it is for the reduction of stress.

The fee includeth the relocking on a date of your choice and a written guarantee that nobody will knoweth it has been unlocked. His name is Dick.

Weave your own from willow bark fibres. They need a good pounding to soften the fibres, and can be a mite scratchy on the nethers, but the bark has physic in it that takes away pain, which is nice.

Aibu?
I wouldst tell you the tale of my predicament. I met with a fine young man and quickly fell in love. He sayeth that he dost rob from the rich to give to the impoverished. However he declares that we should dwell in the forests outside Nottyngham with his friends. Surely a maid of my standing should have a warm bed in a castle in which to sleepe the night. His friends are a strange mix too - a saracen , a man who has taken holy orders and a giant of a man they call Little J. They have a feud with the sheriff that is never ending...

@MrsMoastyToasty I hear they're planning a veritable feast for p p p p p p p p pancake Day though!

This be the best bit of telly vision in ye worlde.

YABU.

Ye younge maidens expecteth lyfe to be handed to thee on a platter. Learneth to pluck a pheasant and skin a deer if ye love hym. He ist entitledeth to friends, even if they be'st a weirde bunche.

PS I heareth that hee ist Sir Robin, maybe even Earl of Huntingdon, so myt be worth hedging thine bets there.

Ouch! I tried this methode but still not softe enough, roll on ye menopause.

Thou should be careful what thou wisheth for. Ye menopause may stoppeth one thing but creates many other works of the devil.

Indeed. Thou wilt be a crone. Beware the Witchfinder.