Why do people not like you?

[HPpp]

Just a bit of a curiosity really

Im convinced BIL doesn’t like me, DH is kind of thinking this too. We’re unsure why though

and it just made me wonder what are the reasons people actually dislike someone?

I have a smal friend circle, small family so I don’t really dislike anyone? But a reason to would be if someone hurt someone I love

(I haven’t done this to BIL btw lol)

Sounds vain, but the some of people who haven't have judged me without getting to know me - I'm attractive and thin. And that's not a made up thing, I've heard it said, which was horrible because there's not much I could do about it! I'd always been very nice to the people in question.

Other people? I'm outspoken about women's rights and that can rub people up the wrong way. Ex boyfriends have called me cocky and full of myself. I'm not, I just don't roll over and get told what to do. 🤷‍♀️

There's a woman in my village who dislikes me because I snapped at her to take her hands out of DD's pram when she was a baby.

There's probably more, but that's what I've got that I know for certain. I'm not generally disliked, as much as all that makes me sound. 🤣 I've got a lovely circle of friends and acquaintances.

People have weird reasons sometimes! I know a woman who hates my sister because she's horribly jealous over her lovely long curly hair! Another bloke hates her because her chickens lay the most delicious eggs - it's ridiculous! Some people are just grumps. Sometimes there's a valid reason.

Have you and BiL never got along?

We’ve never fell out really! I feel like I’ve always just been normal with him/his family and he always made jokes about me (I’m younger than DH was young adult when we met)

but even now I’ve noticed it feels like if we were at a dining table per say and DH walked away a second he wouldn’t acknowledge me or may even ignore me

One time we were at a. Family party and I went to my car and he’d been to his he walks past me and I said “hi you okay *name” just acknowledging him and he just walked past didn’t even look at me

ive tried to give the benefit of the doubt that he didn’t hear me maybe? But he doesn’t just chat to me alone really or wouldn’t say anything to me

I'm very much a 'better for knowing' person. I know i can be very standoffish and unapproachable. I have a tendancy to call a spade a spade and not many people actually like that about a person. but once you get over all that, i'm actually quite a nice person :)

He sounds horribly rude! Maybe the age could have been a reason early on, but even so that's no way to behave around your SIL.

Judging by behaviour like that, I'd wager you're never likely to get a reason. Is he fine with others? If so, he's an incredibly rude man. I wouldn't pay a single bit of attention to him. Turn the tables, be aloof, see how that plonker likes it.

Has DH ever brought it up with him?

If you feel that nobody likes you, that is a sign of a mental health issue.

I don't know and I don't really care.
There's a woman in our area, our kids went to school together and she doesn't like me - quite obviously so. I think we have spoken twice; once at a school event where I moved so she could sit down, and another when I passed her in the street, both of us with friends, and she had to say hello so not to appear rude.

So there’s another SIL and I’ve seen him make some chat with her? Not much more but again she’s around other BIL all the time so I’m not sure

DH has never and I kind of get it in case it caused an argument. If BIL said something stupid as to why he disliked me DH would get reallt defensive lol which I get. But even I said don’t bother as it could just cause unessecary drama

it isn’t nice tho I try my best when everyone’s all together and just kind of feel like I’m being looked down on / bitched about as soon as I leave

Like your username

I am like this. I’ve also got some acne and am quite plain so I know people judge me on that.

I only mentioned BIL?🤣 I don’t think nobody likes me

i asked what are the reasons people dislike people as I can’t understand why BIL dislikes me

I can see why you'd feel uncomfortable! In your shoes, and if you don't want the drama, I'd just try to focus on whoever else is there. Let him have his stroppy little huffs, it's immature and if he does have an issue then he should have brought it up years ago.

People who fester in misery and grudges aren't worth the time of day.

I'm a smartarse and a bit of a dickhead. I'm also prone to going off on tangents and wibbling about completely inconsequential shite that has become incredibly interesting to me, waving my arms around and getting altogether far too animated about something that nobody else particularly cares about. I'm also either incredibly lazy or irritatingly fidgety and annoyingly, relentlessly chirpy, tempered by fluent sarcasm without a need to be cruel to anybody and am frequently fighting the desire to run the fuck away and have nothing to do with people whatsoever.

However, I can rescue people from spiders, moths, wasps, beetles, birds and any other creature that mistakenly wanders into their sight, give them a quick rundown of what the scary creature is and what evolutionary niche they fill to try and encourage people not to hurt them - and I'm really good at teaching random stuff and skills in a way that doesn't make people feel inadequate for not knowing something already by magic. So I have my uses. Oh, and DP and animals think I'm great.

I stick to being a smartarse and dickhead online, mostly. The other stuff takes up too much energy to sustain on the internet on top of in person.

Perhaps he fancies you, and is putting the guilt onto you,

Instantly dispelling this as he’s very obsessed with his wife (in a good way)

I need to care less I just have a weird thing where I want to be liked I’m not sure why

Like i said my circles are small so there’s no one I dislike and no one I really have felt like just dislikes me apart from this person? So maybe it’s just because I’m not really used to it

PS not saying I’m perfect!😂 I just mean if people do / have disliked me it’s less obvious than BIL lol

For me with inlaws it's because I refuse to spend loads of time with them, they are lovely but I don't want finish work at the end of the week and pay them a visit, see them again on Saturday or Sunday for a meal. I work hard long hours, we don't have children and I don't want to do that. I get serious vibes from my FIL that he thinks I'm not a "family person" I've made My peace with that and Try to attend all important bdays festive events and am always polite. But I definitely know they wish I were more malleable.

I can be loud and annoying, I can’t help it sometimes. Im also the girl some women like to hate (DH cousin said i was too perfect … opened up 10 years later and admitted this).

i don’t think I’m anything special but I am truly comfortable in my own skin. I had a lot of rubbish in my life that makes me very intuitive.

If your BIL doesn’t like you, be friendly but don’t try too hard. He’s already got a picture in head of what you are like and it will be hard to change. Accept it, makes life a lot easier.

I have ADHD and irritate the fuck out of people.

When I was a young woman, I was self-centred, related everyone else’s experiences and stories to myself, thought I was right about everything and sulked if anyone disagreed with me. I had enough better qualities to ensure that some people still liked me but I definitely irritated some people.

That’s to answer the question in your thread title. But reading the rest of your posts, it’s quite possible that it’s not actually anything to do with you at all.

I'm well-spoken and well educated and that makes some people feel inferior. Their problem! I'm probably autistic and definitely a lesbian so don't always fit in too well (and at over 40, don't care) and that can rub people the wrong way too. There's a woman on the edge of my social circle who looks at me like dirt on her shoe though and I don't know why.

You're my type of person.

I suppose there are as many reasons as there are people, same as there are lots of reasons why a person might take to you. It’s not something that unduly concerns me, but people have disliked me in the past for being confident or ‘too clever’, for being working class AND for being ‘too posh’.

Oh, and slightly more weirdly, for having too good a memory. I do have a very good memory, and will often remember exactly what someone I met months or years ago told me down to the last detail, but some people are really put off by me remembering their dog’s name, that they were changing career, and that their son Ruairí had been off to Zambia on a school trip last April, so I’ve learned to pretend I remember less. A lot of people appear to prefer to be able to assume the other people don’t register or remember what they say. Men particularly, in my experience.

People that don’t like me tend to think that I think I’m cleverer than them. I’m not thinking that.

I think it’s a neurodivergent thing. I’m not diagnosed but definitely on the scale.

He sounds rude and not that I'm thinking your BIL has any reason to rightly think this but could he not think you are good enough for your DH or even your DH said something negative about you so he doesn't want to be invested with pleasantries?

People don't like me because I'm not bothered about being liked. I am generally not an agreeable person, prefer my own company and have a superior resting bitch face.

I don't agree with trans ideology.
I'm a feminist.
I'm autistic and ADHD.

Some people just irritate others don't they, it's not rational always but it happens.

I generally like over dislike but one person I can not bare to be near, its like the opposite end of a magnet. Reason is they are disingenuous, the type who lectures about kids using devices for hours only both their children take theirs everywhere. The type that berates people parking in parent spaces only then parks in them with their 14 year old child.

They try so hard to temp me to like them and I'll bet if you asked them they wouldn't have a clue why I avoid them, it will be something for your BIL, it may come to you one day.