Why do people not like you?

[HPpp]

Just a bit of a curiosity really

Im convinced BIL doesn’t like me, DH is kind of thinking this too. We’re unsure why though

and it just made me wonder what are the reasons people actually dislike someone?

I have a smal friend circle, small family so I don’t really dislike anyone? But a reason to would be if someone hurt someone I love

(I haven’t done this to BIL btw lol)

If someone talks about themselves and doesn't ask questions about me.

My SIL hates me - according to my MIL (who is lovely), it's because she is jealous of me.

SIL is an awkward and frankly unpleasant person who seems to think that everything is a competition - relationships, looks, money, education, confidence, you name it. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't get on with many people. She does have 1 or 2 friends, but those are people who she looks down on and thinks are a bit of a mess.

There are some people (not many, thankfully!) who will hate you just for being happy and confident.

The BIL things seems really quite weird.

I also sort of think he's keeping you at arms length because of liking you a bit too much. Bit like the 'Love Actually' Andrew Lincoln / Keira Knightly thing?

But/Or , you mention a wife? Maybe she's got an issue? Perhaps her and BIL had a blazing argument one evening because she felt he was being overly friendly towards you or something like that? Maybe he didn't feel that way at all about you but now is extra cautious and standoffish with you to appease her?

I think people don't like me because I'm gossip.....and true to nature, I really need to know why this guy doesn't like you now....😂

Can it ever be 'in a good way' to be obsessed with someone?

Sounds a bit possessive / idealising / competitive - does he have narc traits?

Some people have to push others down to keep their own egos afloat - maybe he is deliberately trying to unsettle you so that you react and he can point the finger at you? Or trying to control or belittle you with his 'under the radar' hostility. I would become besties with his wife - kill them both with kindness.

Or alternatively he is shy and awkward? Doesnt sound like it if his own DB is worried about having a conversation with him in case he kicks off?

How would you describe him - do you share the same values? Is he jealous of his DB?

@NeverDropYourMooncup you did make me laugh. I love an animated conversation with waving arms. I am also scared of spiders so you would be an ideal companion.

I am marmite. I am liked for the most part by friends and immediate family and I'm first port of call in difficult times when they need sympathy and non judgemental but truthful advice. I'd say my qualities are appreciated when the going is tough. But. In the good times, I think I am less popular. I'm not good at party chat, i dont drink, i dont gossip, i dont always observe etiquette. I'd say women like me more than men do (though I find men an anathema, excepting my DH) and I'm actually happy with that.

Oh it's often something I've said that's thoughtless or rude by mistake. Or I've been grumpy and unfair on a bad day. Or I've got really pedantic about some point and upset someone without realising. Those are the main reasons.

I'm not really a big schemer so I've never stolen anyone's job or boyfriend or what have you, or had an affair or broken up a friend group or anything like that. So it's mainly being a bit of a bore about some random technical subject, or being rude by mistake.

I'm always dressed as well as possible and have my hair and makeup done, I was raised to make the most of myself and its carried through, but I have severe social anxiety and probably autism tbh and find it incredibly difficult to make conversation so I end up coming off "stuck up" or "full of myself" because im not good with new people AT ALL. Unfortunately over the years I've had countless women (and occasionally men) tell me they didn't like me on first impression then realised after a while I was alright, but I'm sure some continued to dislike me regardless!

Really? How, so if you don't mind me asking?

I'm authentic and transparent. I like to chat about my feelings.

I talk to much and to fast

I’ve been told I’m too opinionated and come across as unapproachable and intimidating.

Opinionated, absolutely, but for the life of me I can’t see myself as intimidating. It’s been said by more than one person though, so it must have a grain of truth.

I used to work with a woman that I’d catch constantly staring at me and giving me dirty looks. My colleagues would laugh and tell me she really had it in for me. Nobody knew why, but it became a bit of a running joke.

The reasoning behind the hate all came out one day when she went on a mad rant about a nurse from Casualty (TV programme) that she despised because she looked similar to someone she disliked in real life and I also happened to remind her of this person.

I know someone else suggested he fancies you, don't completely count that out. I've had some very mean behavior from similar

You sound like my long lost twin. Only more likeable than me!

I talk too much, can dominate conversation and get a bit overexcited. Go off on tangents etc. I'm also always making light of serious things and can joke about quite dark subjects. I swear a lot.
I'm probably not especially intelligent, though I can seem like I think I'm smart at times. I don't really, it's more of a coping mechanism.
I think I act hyper extrovert as I'm actually really anxious and insecure.

But some people just take a dislike to people without really knowing them. And once they do know you they hopefully change their mind a bit. Or maybe they realise you're even worse than they initially suspected! 🤣

Interesting you say that, my ex BIL was vile to me from the get go. Couldn't even try and be civil. I had absolutely no idea why. I'd never done anything to him. I got on really well with the whole family and was very close to my then MIL. He did a horrible speech at our wedding that my Dad has never forgotten and that was 35 years ago. He was more recently extremely rude to me at a funeral. I had a few people say about him fancying me and he was certainly jealous of his brother. However I truly don't think it was that, I think he was just a cunt 🤷🏻‍♀️

I talk too much, can dominate conversation and get a bit overexcited. Go off on tangents etc. I'm also always making light of serious things and can joke about quite dark subjects. I swear a lot

I think we're related 🤣

Sometimes people just take a disliking to another person, they don't necessarily understand why, they just do. Does your BIL like your DH or do they not get on much either?

I have been disliked because of where I am from in England and this is in another part of England. Mostly though I am told I am confident in myself and that means I need to be taken down a peg or two. 🤔 Of course they all think they are just the person to do it.

What none of them ever seem to realise is that confident people tend to brush things like that off because they are entitled to their opinion, but that is all it is, an opinion.

I found out I'm a TERF - I'm nearly banned from my local pub despite me being a bit Miss Marple-ish and only going in for half a shandy on special occasions.
I've been told I'm the most offensive person in there and should apologise! (I said men dressed up as women shouldn't be in the ladies loos and can't breastfeed.)
I'm very mild mannered and I don't think I've ever offended anyone ever before!

I am disliked for my bitchy resting face, oh and I’m more opinionated in real life than online 🤣

At first judgement - too much black make up, drawn on eyebrows and "alternative clothing". I put up with it for a very long time before I finally decided to kill them with kindness. It makes people bend from their assumptions. I've been doing this for years.
I've not met a person yet who I haven't conquered with my smiliest goth you've ever met. That also includes being very polite and respectful, which is a lot more than I get from them on the first encounter, but I do it anyway in the hope that they won't judge others like me the same way going forwards.

I'm no good at chitchat which I think makes people a bit uncomfortable - although I can be very entertaining with people I get on very well with. I also stand my ground with bullies and rude people.

You get a feeling about some people. Its not usually very rational.

Kindness is not a priority for me and I think the female child I was assigned this role. My brother is much more kind and tolerant of people. I have developed an efficient way of dealing with people who appear to be a bit... indulgent of themselves and problems and I can see how that would be very off putting.

I also have a dark sense of humour (had medical parents) which can be off putting sometimes. I am usually honest, and can come accross as quite bossy as well. But sometimes I 'fawn" instead when I don't feel safe so I can see how it would be tiresome if you are around me alot.

It's amazing how often the reason is like this! I'm that irrational myself: there's a certain 'type of face' - a little bit like Meg Ryan - matching two women I befriended and trusted, who turned out to be absolute scheming monsters. I've had not one, not two, but three friends called Wendy who 'wendied' me. So now I automatically dislike anyone with that face and anyone called Wendy. Despite the fact that I have another perfectly nice friend called Wendy 😳

My step-brother hates us all because he thinks we're low class. He's one of those anxious social aspirants who's terrified of being thought common. An old boss hated me because he thought I'd turned his girlfriend alcoholic. Another boss hated everyone who had that position in the team, although he did the recruiting. I had a nosey neighbour who'd made up stories about me in her head, then believed them. She kept reporting me for crimes.

People are deeply, deeply weird ... I'm forced to include myself in that!