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Original poster

Do you enjoy socialising in other people's homes? I don't and not quite sure why.

105 replies

ArnieandBob · 26/10/2024 14:34

I don't quite know why but since I was young I have hated going to other people's homes to socialise and will avoid it as much as I can.

Dh and I have been invited to friend's this evening for a meal, I had suggested going out but they insisted on cooking for us. I really would have preferred to have gone to a bar or restaurant instead but they always insist on hosting.

I don't know why but I feel that I can never fully relax or enjoy myself when round someone else's home. Maybe it's because I see my own home as a sanctuary, I get into my PJ's as soon as I can and have my own particular routine and comforts. Being in someone else's home just pushes me far out from that feeling of comfort.

My dh says it's weird of me (I do suspect that I may be ND and am on a waiting list for an assessment) but is it really that weird? Does anyone else feel the same?

OP posts:
MeMyCatsAndI · 26/10/2024 14:37

I hate it. Only other house I feel comfortable is at my parents.

PinkBlouse · 26/10/2024 14:38

It’s weird to me, but so is the idea that your home is a sanctuary which involves getting into your nightclothes as if to signal the day is over as soon as you’re home. I like having people over, and we deliberately bought a house near a city centre to make it easy to throw on a coat and meet someone for a drink or go to a film or a gig. You do you, obviously, but it’s not clear to me why you find being in someone else’s house so difficult — is it because you imagine they shattered your feelings about the home as ‘sanctuary’ and are secretly resenting your presence?

Original poster
ArnieandBob · 26/10/2024 14:38

MeMyCatsAndI · 26/10/2024 14:37

I hate it. Only other house I feel comfortable is at my parents.

I am exactly the same, fine at my parent's home but nowhere else.

OP posts:
sandgrown · 26/10/2024 14:40

I love it . Especially if they are cooking . It’s a treat not to do it myself . That said most of my friends are very good hosts .

Original poster
ArnieandBob · 26/10/2024 14:40

PinkBlouse I can't quite articulate exactly how I feel but that's not it at all.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 26/10/2024 14:41

It is a bit weird. As long as their food and drink is ok and comfortable. Restaurants are so expensive now not everyone can afford them x

lovelydayIhave · 26/10/2024 14:42

I don't like it either op.
But it's probably because I'm introverted.

pinkroses79 · 26/10/2024 14:43

I like it. I much prefer it to having people come to my own home! So much less hassle.

MoosakaWithFries · 26/10/2024 14:43

I get this.

It's something about sitting on a sofa with just your socks on your feet.

There's more to it than the above but like you I just can't articulate it.

PinkBlouse · 26/10/2024 14:46

ArnieandBob · 26/10/2024 14:40

PinkBlouse I can't quite articulate exactly how I feel but that's not it at all.

Sorry, weird typo in my post — I meant, do you imagine they SHARE your feelings about the home being a sanctuary and therefore secretly resent your presence?

Another thought — are you uncomfortable at other people’s’ houses because you think that you need to invite them to yours to reciprocate and you don’t want to?

BookishType · 26/10/2024 14:50

I love it. We go out to restaurants with friends but much more often, we’re at each other’s houses having long relaxed dinners and staying up far too late. It’s my favourite sort of evening.

We often stay at friends’ houses and vice versa. We think we’re good hosts and my husband is a fantastic cook. Hosting friends is probably our favourite thing to do. Restaurant evenings are great but I love nothing more than a houseful of good mates and loads of laughter.

minisomum · 26/10/2024 14:51

I get this - I'd much prefer to meet at a restaurant/ bar/ coffee shop. I completely get the finance aspect of hosting at home, but I just prefer going out.

I think for me it is because now I work from home I so rarely leave the house that I love seeing other people, other than the people I am meeting up with. I like catching up with my friends, but I also like seeing other people, perhaps bumping into someone I know briefly, seeing what other people are wearing. I prefer the buzz of going out.

RevelryMum · 26/10/2024 14:51

I'm a complete home bird my house is my comfort I hate going to other peoples houses especially for dinner.

NunyaBeeswax · 26/10/2024 14:52

I don't feel comfortable anywhere but home.

Even when lived with a partner and their parents, it never felt comfortable.

It's not my furniture. It's not my ornaments. It's not my flooring. I know it's a me problem, but I feel like I have to be on best behaviour because everything is someone else's.

I can't plop myself down, kick my shoes off ,put my feet up.. even if someone says I can, I don't feel comfortable doing so because it's not my seat, it's not my foot stool.

It's worse if they're a shoes off house as well.
Sliding about in my socks just feels at odds.

Let us name this new found issues the "Visitor Complex" and be done with it. 🤣

Shecan · 26/10/2024 14:55

I have a preference for restaurants etc but for a totally opposite reason. I'm happy to visit others whatever we are doing, and whatever type of home they have. But hate hosting myself. I worry constantly about the food, enough drinks, are they comfortable, entertained, do they like my home or are they finding fault etc. I find when I am being hosted I'm mentally taking notes on table layout, buffet items, how often they offer drinks and so on, in case I have to reciprocate. And of course you do, which is the downside for me to visiting others, hence the preference for restaurants etc. I know this isn't normal but don't know how to fix it. Just to say I have a very small group of family and friends who don't cause this anxiety, but we have other lovely friends but still this anxiety rises.

BetterInColour · 26/10/2024 14:57

I love other people's houses, they are usually so much tidier and they are better cooks than me. In general, though, my friends are older and have lovely houses, there were a few more dirty student houses over the years. I just like seeing my friends in their own homes and we don't have to rush to finish up.

I like restaurants too though, and I don't mind people coming over for coffee at mine as over the years I've relaxed realising they do genuinely like me and my home's slight chaos.

I do see my home as a sanctuary, but the odd visit to other people's houses or them me is lovely. I'm talking occasionally though.

MontanaPink · 26/10/2024 14:58

It’s too much exposure to other peoples family life for me. I don’t think my friendships or relationships are superficial but I don’t enjoy spending time in others homes. I don't visit one of my friends in her home any longer because her house is so busy with folk coming and going and her talking to them that we don't get to speak properly anf I just sit there like a lemon!

Always loved being at my parent’s house and I enjoy visiting my in-laws, though.

Also, PJ’s at 4pm some days, yes, that’s me too!

ChanelBoucle · 26/10/2024 14:58

I can think of three friends who are just like this. Dh and I have both picked up on it. Funnily enough, are all seemingly the more extrovert and alpha partner of their marriages and they seem to LOVE to host at their own houses. Dh and I have noticed over the years that they always seem a bit uncomfortable though when they’re out of their familiar territory. It makes things a bit awkward tbh because as a result we don’t ask them round often as we don’t want to impose invitations on them and just let them ask us over if they want to see us.

I don’t take it at all personally, we have plenty of other friends to invite over and I know they’re fond of us and like our company, but if I’m honest I do find it quite weird!

ColouringPencils · 26/10/2024 14:58

I am a bit like this and I do think I am weird. One thing about being out is that you are all on equal terms. At someone else's house I feel like I am on my best behaviour and am often wondering when I can leave, even if I am having a lovely time. When they are at my house, I am also wondering when they will leave!

I also like the buzz of going out and I don't find that part weird.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 26/10/2024 14:59

I thought I was the only one! I hate being in other people’s houses unless I know them really well. Unfamiliar smells, unfamiliar furniture, not sure where to sit, different crockery, I feel strange using other people’s loo, sometimes feel too hot/cold etc. I’m probably weird but it’s how I feel. I have ADHD and anxiety if that makes a difference!

BetterInColour · 26/10/2024 15:00

One of my friends does amazing dinner parties though, and I don't do those. I take her out to a nice restaurant every now and again to compensate.

KnopkaPixie · 26/10/2024 15:01

I prefer to go to a bar or restaurant. It's a public place so the drinking or bonkers opinions don't get too out of hand, if the food is awful it's less awkward, it's easier to leave at a reasonable hour...

I keep thinking of the old Bremner, Bird and Fortune awful dinner party sketches, cringey entertaining scenes from more or less every 90's/early 2000's film made by Richard Curtis, the Monty Python 'Salmon Mousse with the Grim Reaper skit and so on and on.

If something has become a staple comedy trope, it's a recognised source of social anxiety and we can't be on our own.

AgainandagainandagainSS · 26/10/2024 15:01

ArnieandBob · 26/10/2024 14:38

I am exactly the same, fine at my parent's home but nowhere else.

Show quote history

Me too.
We have relatives that we meet once a year. Not for a meal, just coffee/cakes etc while we are on holiday and for the last 6 years or so they INSIST it has to be at their house. I hate it. Hate being there staring at clutter, and the two urns of ashes on their fireplace, drinking mediocre coffee with no background vibe. There are so many lovely cafes we could meet at.

ALunchbox · 26/10/2024 15:03

I like it and I'm an introvert.

Thingymabobb · 26/10/2024 15:03

Bloody love socialising in other people’s houses - anywhere I can bring slippers with me (checking beforehand, of course!) and some nice wine that hasn’t had a mark up of 3x the price is good with me! Really depends on the persons house (sorry, know that’s a bit snobby!) and how good the hosts are - can be great but equally can be a bit awkward and you want to leave asap! So ultimately, there is no right or wrong answer to this.