Do you enjoy socialising in other people's homes? I don't and not quite sure why.

[ArnieandBob]

I don't quite know why but since I was young I have hated going to other people's homes to socialise and will avoid it as much as I can.

Dh and I have been invited to friend's this evening for a meal, I had suggested going out but they insisted on cooking for us. I really would have preferred to have gone to a bar or restaurant instead but they always insist on hosting.

I don't know why but I feel that I can never fully relax or enjoy myself when round someone else's home. Maybe it's because I see my own home as a sanctuary, I get into my PJ's as soon as I can and have my own particular routine and comforts. Being in someone else's home just pushes me far out from that feeling of comfort.

My dh says it's weird of me (I do suspect that I may be ND and am on a waiting list for an assessment) but is it really that weird? Does anyone else feel the same?

Yes i love it! Saves having to tidy my own house and i am quite a nosey person so i do love to settle into someone else's home.

I enjoy it. In fact, I prefer it to going out. Its much cheaper for one thing - just take a nice bottle of wine and then you get a (usually) brilliant home cooked meal for free!

Hey,
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you firstly, everyone is different and there is no right or wrong way when living on this big old planet. It seems your probably out of your comfort zone, which is a human reaction and totally natural. I'd be more annoyed with my partner saying I'm weird, your not weird your just you and being you and reacting to your own emotions are valid. Don't let others dictate your feelings about your interactions there YOUR interactions and your experiences, nobody else's. If it's effecting your relationship or social life then get to the root of why your feeling like this, underlying anxiety seems to be the issue and don't we all have that in some way or another. Your normal, you just like what you like. Some people don't like pizza but you wouldn't shame them for it just because it seems to be slightly different from the norm, explained this way, maybe you can see how redoculous it would be for someone to diminish a simple boundary you have set. I'd be explaining and frankly telling my partner stop saying I'm weird. Criticism for a simple quirk of yours only makes the issue bigger. Hold your head high.

There are only three houses I visit regularly and I don't feel comfortable at any of them.
One is so small that 3 people in the lounge seems overcrowded.
The other two have the most uncomfortable seats ever.
Each to their own and they are all welcome at mine.

I don't think it is as this is how I've been most of my life but my DH thinks it is hence why I was asking a wider audience.

Thank you so much.

As far as I can see the issue is not one of preference or otherwise for home entertainment, but the awful way in which your oh refers to it, and therefore to you.

You are allowed to like what you like
or dislike what you dislike.

You don’t have to justify or caveat your preferences or to feel less than.
He should not be labelling you or insulting you for any reason, but respecting your decision and working around it. Compromising possibly. Maybe you are more comfortable with garden parties for example. Maybe not. Either way you should be able to freely express and have your feelings respected.

How lovely if people to offer their hospitality, their generosity, too cook for you, welcome you into their home.

OK, you have your preferences, but I feel sad that so many people are averse to hospitality, to communal experiences in other people’s homes.

If they are friends, people you know, like and trust, it seems to me rooted in some sort of anxiety or , I don’t know what.

They are your friends.

So many people on MN are so anxious and uncomfortable about things.

Of course it is a lovely gesture and I have not said anywhere in my replies that it wasn't.

However, I feel uncomfortable in other people's homes, it is what it is. I will always graciously accept an invitation and will never show the hosts how I feel but I am still entitled to those feelings, that does not make me an ungrateful person.

I am a good friend to all of my friends but I still prefer to socialise with them outside of their homes.

So many people on MN are so anxious and uncomfortable about things

Can you appreciate that some people do struggle with anxieties over certain issues, not just on MN but life in general? That does not make them bad people or crap friends.

Yes, of course you are entitled to your feelings.

As am I.

And just as you feel uncomfortable with this and that, so it is increasingly necessary to accommodate x who manoeuvres to go to restaurants rather than someone’s house, y who gets claustrophobic in restaurants, z who won’t go on public transport etc etc.

You posted with a question. We all have our feelings and responses. You clearly have no interest in anything other than justifying your own anxiety, without any effort to address or modify it

I prefer it to going out. It's cosier and quieter and you have more control over the environment.

Yes many humans are anxious about things. Modern life is not as easy as some like to make out.

There are also lots of people out there who are very judgemental, having to navigate them can't be easy for those who do find things hard.

Hate it - always have done. The only "benefit" when my beloved Chinese father passed away, it was forbidden to step over the threshold of non-family for a year, then it was lockdown...But I usually managed to avoid this sort of socialising for many years anyway.
I don't want other people to choose my food or temperature or lighting or noise levels or music

Yes also this - I'm an introvert & don't like the feeling of being "out" & having no escape.
Also don't like using their bathrooms - would rather use an anonymous public loo as long as it's clean - don't like wanting to leave but not wanting to be the first to say - SO much I don't like about it

It does seem like we are losing the art of socialising and hospitality.
Years ago people couldn't really afford to go to restaurants on a regular basis but would happily call over at a friend's house for tea and (if they were lucky) home made cake.
Before social media people didn't have 'designer' homes shown to them constantly so were much happier with their (clean & comfortable) mis matched furniture and shabby but functional sofa!
I think so many people are now scared of being judged for their home not being insta perfect that it is easier for them to say it is their sanctuary and keep people out. This means they are then uncomfortable being hosted as they feel under pressure to reciprocate and so the cycle continues.

No, I don't enjoy it at all. It's quite rare for me to go to other people's homes though - I am in London and there is always somewhere else to go, and homes are fairly small so cant entertain large groups. I don't like being in someone else's territory, and I don't llike the burden of feeling you might have to reciprocate as I hate others coming into my home too.
Meeting in a cafe or restaurant is neutral territory, and you also don't have the faff of the host having to deal with food and drink. I like the buzz of being out somewhere and people-watching and eavesdropping on strangers' conversations. Plus frankly I feel far more comfortable eating and drinking somewhere that has been hygiene inspected...especially if there are pets in the other person's home.

Honestly, both types are proportionally hugely over-represented on Mn. In terms of misanthropes who wilfully misunderstand the term ‘introversion’, low-energy types only happy on the sofa in pyjamas, the hyper-anxious and the ‘Ugh, I could never eat someone else’s home made cake’ people, Mn doesn’t represent the real world.

I suppose it’s obvious that people who struggle with basic human interaction and the world in general are going to cluster online.

Of course I am acknowledging other opinions but you obviously have zero empathy when it comes to other peoples anxieties.

You are also making very wide sweeping assumptions about my life.

Why not work on combating your anxieties rather than accepting them, and with them, a curtailed life? ‘I feel anxious about x’ isn’t a reason not to do x.

That is what I like about socialising too, doing so on neutral territory.

I also get the pets thing, even though I have a dog myself and am a huge animal lover my friends have 3 dogs and they let them jump all over the sofas and subsequently all over us and although they are lovely, friendly dogs, they are not small breeds and it's just not a comfortable environment for me.

Because I currently have more important things going on in my life which takes precedence over this small issue.

I was simply asking if anyone else feels the same way not asking for some psychological interpretation about it. I am not a hermit who rarely ventures out of her room. I simply prefer to eat out and socialise in venues dedicated to such occasions rather than sitting in someone's house.

This doesn't need to be overanalyzed. Oh wait......it's MN so of course it does.

Ooh yes I love going to people’s homes but only if they are lovely and clean, ordered, warm and welcoming.

id hate to go somewhere dirty, cluttered or cold etc.

luckily all of our friends have lovely (envy-inducing 😂) homes and I love visiting.

I only ever get invited to one house, and I prefer being at home, but that's because I enjoy hosting.

It’s not a ‘small issue’ at all, and the fact that you think it is is very telling.

If you knew what else I was dealing with in my life, you would see this as a small issue.

I will leave it at that.